tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36452394287789417542024-03-16T11:05:38.672-07:00Small is the GateThese thoughts are to grow my faith and walk with God. The narrow road, contrary to how it is often perceived, allows doubt and encourages sincere, open-minded inquiry, free of partisanship. Hence the reason God calls it narrow.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14
© Barb Harwood, 2008-present.
Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.comBlogger862125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-86337440876281485872024-02-12T06:38:00.000-08:002024-02-12T06:38:47.300-08:00The Peace of Repentance<p> </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If we do not understand repentance, then we cannot admit mistakes and faults to God, and if we cannot admit mistakes and faults to God—in private and from our heart, mind and soul—then how can we ever admit our mistakes and faults to another human being?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>St. Mark the Ascetic,</b> a fifth century monk and a father in Eastern Christian Orthodoxy, said,</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>“He who repents rightly does not imagine that it is his own effort that cancels his former sins, but through this effort he makes his peace with God.” </b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It works the same way with people: repentance—saying <b>“I’m sorry” </b>and <b>“let’s talk about this”</b> and <b>“my bad”</b> and <b>“I stand corrected”</b>—is about making peace with others. And if that attempt at peace is rejected through the other person being defensive in any way towards our outreach, then we can still repent to ourselves and God, and find peace there. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That is how we can move on from the cloudy and dark aspects of our past, so as not to revisit them in the future, compounding the sin even more. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In the case of anonymous run-ins with strangers, where we may never have the opportunity to make amends or verbalize our sincere apologies, we can still repent to God and ourselves, and in that way clear the way to agreement that that was no way to act, speak, or even think. That is how sin is washed away by God’s mercy of forgiveness to us, and thus, our being able to show mercy and forgiveness to ourselves.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Repenting to God is alway first and foremost (along with <i>accepting</i> his forgiveness), but I believe we must also then repent to ourselves for having let ourselves down by immature or ignorant behavior or attitude (and gift ourselves our own forgiveness right along with God's).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Only then, having reflected enough to have noticed what kind of person we were in that moment, can we make peace with it, learn from it, grow away from it, and move on, <i>forgiven by both ourselves and God. </i></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-72974862493293374142023-12-14T08:56:00.000-08:002023-12-14T08:58:32.791-08:00Self-Perpetuation vs Self Overcoming<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 24px;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span>So much negative stress and struggle in life is due to unresolved inner-personal issues: harms that we fear will happen to us because they happened once—or often—in our past; personal injustices and slights that we self-righteously continue to nurse, things said about us behind our backs that got back to us through a third party, and on it goes.</span><span> </span></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Oftentimes, when we were/are the brunt of someone else’s thoughtlessness, jokes or put-downs, we dysfunctionally respect <b>their</b> opinion of us more than the many other friends and family who do <b>not</b> put us down or minimize our person. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">(Why would we fret or feel diminished because of someone’s snarky attitude, gossip or chronic negativity—it is their very coldness and lack of integrity that renders them unworthy of our paying them any mind at all). </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Whether it was how we were raised within our family, our school, our social network, our church/religion, our culture—although all or some of it held sway over us at one time, as adults, that sway is now under our own control. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We no longer have to be swayed, because we also no longer have to be controlled by it: the pressure to continue to conform to its mandates is gone because we have removed ourself from its grip. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Or have we? Have we <b>indeed </b>left it behind physically <b>but continue to grip it mentally and emotionally</b> via resentment, critical sentiments and an over-correcting into behaviors and belief systems motivated by that hurt and residual anger? <b>A sort of getting back at?</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In other words, what we haven’t dealt with to the point of final closure (with learned wisdom the sole remainder), <b>will continue to balloon into our life in other manifestations.</b></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Let’s take me, for example:</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Raised in an über liberal church with a hard emphasis on community social standing, I fled from this church as an adult when I experienced a spiritual crisis. I realized this church/denomination offered no underpinning truths to draw strength, perseverance and maturity from. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So when I found Jesus via the conservative church, and my life began to experience worth, courage and joy, I continued to seek and remain in that conservative, evangelical community. <b>Until,</b> that is, that same religious entity began to negate my courage, worth and joy and I began to find myself in the very same boat in which I had begun: peer pressure to be and believe a certain way, all under the guise of “love,” just like the liberal church I grew up in!</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ironically, it was the inner junk of having come to despise the liberal church for its lies and superficiality that had led me right into the arms of the conservative church with its own lies and superficiality. I had merely traded one for the other.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So I quit all church and religion. Instead, I set off with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to do and accomplish, <b>at long last</b>, the difficult task of dealing with my inner junk.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I came to understand all of this by placing those who still attempted to negatively control me in their own context, and by initiating a hard, long, objective deciphering of why I was still allowing their power over me every time I obsessed over old or new wounds. How I was living out the emotional and behavioral habits I had developed throughout my lifetime became exposed so that I could begin to behave and think accurately and appropriately--independent of all the junk (theirs and mine). </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I researched books online, ordered them and <b>read them. </b>I did not choose “Christian” books. I selected excellent books that did not promote any agenda or blame-games, but taught me how to discern the contexts of others (who have never dealt with their junk), as well as my own contexts along the way. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I filled out journals and workbooks, and answered honestly (the benefit of God being right there with me!! He knows anyway, so why lie?)</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I didn’t read my Bible all that much. I just focused on the God-given gifts of authors who could explore and progress over rocky ground with me.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And I came out, finally, unscathed, after all these years of feeling scathed!</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We’ve all read the interviews with famous folks who say, at the end of the article,</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">“I am more content now than I’ve ever been.” </span></b></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I used to always wonder about how true that statement is for them.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But it <b>can</b> happen. It does happen. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I won’t say that every once in a while I don't have to check a rising resentment, or an angry inner frustration with one of the usual, unchanging suspects. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But I quickly go to their context, and the context I was in when I was forced to live and interact with them, and I find compassion for <b>both </b>of us: for them, because they know not what they are suffering from, and for me, because that was myself at one time. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I thank God for his insight and patience that nudged me time and time again to deal with my junk and then to at last, <b>move on, begin anew and live in an entirely new, empowered manner.</b></span></p>
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<p style="font-family: Arial; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">copyright Barb Harwood </span></p><p style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 24px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 24px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><br /></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-86836793711703756052023-06-30T17:26:00.021-07:002023-07-03T11:01:27.057-07:00In Times of Dismay<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Each one of us has, or currently is, living “one of those weeks,” or series of days, where <i>no matter what we do or say,</i> we come away with the very strong conviction that we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And the harder we try to analyze the situation—what we could have done differently, why it mattered at all to begin with, will it happen again and will we handle it better next time?—the more maze-like our inner life becomes. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Finding our way out seems a fantasy and we fear we’ll continue to make things worse if we try.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">These are times when even close friends or spouses, who lend a sympathetic ear and embrace us in hugs, cannot quite set everything to rights. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We know we have made mistakes, and don’t like ourselves much for having made them. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We know others have made mistakes, and we are frustrated with ourselves for not knowing how to graciously respond! </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And then we feel guilty for being so hard on our self <b><i>and</i></b> on others, but aren’t quite sure what to do next.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That is when God is indeed our refuge. That is when we wait on Him: </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>“Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>“So my spirit grows faint within me;</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>My heart within me is dismayed.” Psalm 143:4</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>“I spread out my hands to you;</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Answer me quickly, O Lord,</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>My spirit fails.” Psalm 143:6-7a</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>“Let the morning bring me word of your</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>unfailing love,</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>for I have put my trust in you.</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Show me the way I should go,</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-69130070517669491422023-06-23T09:32:00.009-07:002023-06-23T09:36:34.568-07:00From Damaged to Undamaged<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Half of the battle towards personal transformation is in knowing where we are damaged. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">This damage can have occurred due to any number of circumstances: </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">An innate character flaw (nature).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A family history of dysfunctional relational modeling (nurture).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Mishandling of short or long term stress.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Past experiences that continue to haunt us because of our role either as instigator, participant, or victim. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We can unpack this damage by retracing our steps from the current negative feeling, emotion or thought, to what came before it, and what came before that, until we get to the source.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">For me, I could not do this on my own in my secular years because I actually did not know I needed to, and when I began to realize that I needed to, I was too afraid to face myself or to take the blinders off regarding loved ones. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">With God as our unconditional guide, however, we will not be led astray through the maelstrom of personal discovery, and he will keep his guardrails secure around us if we let him. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We can begin by objectively acknowledging and accepting that damage has been done, that it resides <i>in us</i>, and that <i>that </i>is the only damage we have any power to address. By trying to fix the damage in others at the same time, or in place of ourselves, we wind up right back where we started: <b><i>stuck.</i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The first thing to do when dissecting inner damage under our now unbiased microscope, is to accurately assess whether the damage is still indeed happening. It could be that the damage exists <i>only in the form of ruminations.</i> This is damage that could have healed long ago if it had not been perpetuated by our sucking on it like a pacifier.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Other times, what we see is that a personal character flaw that we’ve known about for years has continued to perpetuate <b><i>because we let it</i></b>. In that case, all subsequent damage has been, and continues to be, <b><i>self-inflicted</i></b>. This realization alone is enough to fix that one!</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Another observation may be that someone from our past damaged us due to their thoughtless words or behaviors. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But if that person is no longer in our life, or if that person no longer has <b><i>the position of authority in our life</i>,</b> then any damage they have already done, or could possibly incur, is now really <i>null and void.</i> </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In other words, since they have no position in our life, why would anything they <i>say or do</i> have any position in <b><i>our</i></b> life? </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When we agree with and incorporate the objective truth that a certain person or persons<i> </i><b><i>have no power over u</i>s</b>, and yet we still continue to over-rule that truth with a<i> false appointment of control over us, </i>we are giving them permission to what they have no right to. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Again, self-inflected. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Many more observations can come of facing into inner damage. The key is to center ourselves in the <b><i>actual context,</i></b> and see circumstances, past and present, <b><i>as they really are</i></b>, and stop filtering them through a lens of damage. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And this lens of damage will find and see offense everywhere. It will sabotage healthy or potentially healthy relationships, not to mention keep inner peace and a blissful conscience well out of reach.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Cutting the cord to a damaged worldview, on the other hand, will open the floodgates of gratitude, positive realities, and abundant life experiences. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">As we view life through a motivation of open-minded reality, we see that there is much more to let go of, be joyful about and that is going well in life than there ever was when we saw everything through our damaged sense of self. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Everything that had ceased to exist outside of the damage we so earnestly focused on can now come into view, and we can relish all of it, <b><i>as if for the first time</i></b>, as a wonder, a miracle and an absolute marvel. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">This is our new normal, our new context and our new way of being: <b><i>undamaged.</i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-54445907255375563132023-06-22T18:10:00.286-07:002023-06-22T19:31:42.659-07:00The Definition of Dialogue<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"Dialogue is a conversation on a common subject between two or more persons with differing views, the primary purpose of which is for each participant to learn from the other so that he or she can change and grow."</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Leonard Swidler, as quoted in Harold A. Netland's book, <i>Dissonant Voices. </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I would add that the <b>"change"</b> does not necessarily mean to change one's stance or position, though that may indeed occur, but rather that one would change in the sense of now having a greater, more informed understanding of one or more different perspectives. In this case, change and growth would be one and the same. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The change that comes of healthy dialogue may also entail no longer fearing differing perspectives or the people who hold them.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What the above definition clearly negates is the self-centered motivation to <b><i>force</i></b> a change in another's worldview via strong-arming or arguing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>Harold Netland</b>, in his book <i>Dissonant Voices</i>, elaborates:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"The purpose of human dialogue...is to pass beyond preoccupation with beliefs and doctrines to the point where one genuinely listens to the other participant as a fellow human being and an "I-thou" relationship of mutual trust and acceptance is established."</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Certainly this does not mean that we have to give up our own truth, convictions and worldview. However, <i>timing, attitude and approach is everything.</i> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If the mutual trust and acceptance is not established, then getting to the point of civil dialogue on what's most important to all parties involved will never happen.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So often, what happens before any mutuality can be established is that the convictions are pushed out there, <i>come what may,</i> in a spirit of self-righteousness: the shallow surety that <i>I am right and you are wrong. </i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And when we <i>are</i> already in an established relationship? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What then? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Is it <i>then</i> okay to hammer home the convictions, <i>come what may</i>? Will the mutual trust and acceptance be able to handle that?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That depends on how mutual the relationship actually is, and the heretofore acceptance of each person's differences. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If the relationship <b><i>truly is </i></b>well-established on respect and treating each other as equals, then I believe the tactless imposing of a viewpoint upon others will not even be a consideration. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In relationships of proven integrity and approachability, there will be no room for the inconsiderate behavior of passive aggressiveness and superiority that almost always arises, and continues, out of fear and a need to control.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-67632184140472638372023-05-10T05:42:00.015-07:002023-05-10T05:48:33.553-07:00Realistic Hope for This Current Day<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Hope: we all need it. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Sustenance for the heart, hope beats through our veins, erasing the limits and downfalls of the past and sketching in fresh rough drafts of potential <b><i>for today.</i></b></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A warm morning air that fills our lungs with the vibrancy of all things new, forgiven now of God and ourselves, we no longer cloud that forgiveness through an obsessive focus on the lack of forgiveness from another person or persons. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Instead, we deeply inhale and gratefully take in that the forgiveness from two out of three isn’t bad; in fact, it’s the greater of the three to be forgiven by God and ourselves (how can we accept forgiveness from others even if it does come if we haven't received the other two first? It would be like putting water into a pail with holes). </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">With great humility we soberly understand that the reality of life is that those two forgivenesses are the only ones in our power to seek, find<b style="font-style: italic;"> <u>and</u> </b>redeem. Though we seek forgiveness from others, it may never, and often more than likely, <b><i>never come</i></b>. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And so in hope, we live the truth that we have been and are and always will be forgiven by God, thus enabled to always forgive ourselves too.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In that hope, we are the most gentle and fascinated of beings, with the utmost compassion for the individuals who hold unforgiveness towards us—a wretched state of being we know all too well because <b><i>we too have been unforgiving, </i></b>and we know its misery fed by its source and motivation—<b><i>pride built upon years of storing up wrongs and insecurities based on what the world (not God) thinks of us</i></b>. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We know how much that hurts, and how it makes us lash out at others in defensiveness and animosity, holding people forever accountable.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In that state of being lies a total lack of hope—in God and ourselves. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Hope then, is hope in God which permeates deep down into our soul, nurturing hope in ourselves for ourselves, which emanates outward in an objective, practical outlook and manner which doesn’t resort to the false hope of illogical and often self-centered, wishful thinking. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It is a hope that is <b><i>not expectant when it comes to other people, </i></b>but peaceful and clear-eyed, not pie in the sky. </span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Hope is a serious matter of knowing from Who it derives and how, and forgoing the often inadequate lofty platitudes (most of which people neither truly adhere to or admire in others) or the vindictive "should's" of the world and opting instead to thrive in the strength of a quiet and confident meekness. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Hope is not about putting faith in the impossible, as in hoping for people to change. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Hope is putting faith <b><i>in the realistically possible:</i></b> as in hoping <b><i>for ourself to change</i></b> in the power and presence of God, Jesus and His Spirit, through whom all blessings have always and only truly flowed.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-3305884665837600242023-04-28T07:07:00.009-07:002023-04-28T07:10:18.151-07:00The Do That Follows the If<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In Comedian <b>James Corden's</b> last hosting of <i>The Late Late Show</i>, he addressed divisiveness--<i><b>and its solution</b>--</i>in a very few, and beautiful, words:</span></p><br /><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"There are so many people who are trying to stoke those differences and we have to try as best we can to look for the light, look for the joy. If you do, it’s out there." <br /></b><br />It's the "if" that is always the clincher, isn't it? <br /><br />And only a person open to a progressing maturation process of consistently digging to get to the bottom of the logs <b><i>in our own eyes</i></b> will be willing to choose--<b><i>and actually prefer</i></b>--the "do" that follows the "if." <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />copyright Barb Harwood<br /><br /><br /></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-70484403558569548132023-04-21T17:39:00.010-07:002023-04-22T04:44:03.760-07:00The Always Present Reality of Faith<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The following quote is by <b>Sharon Salzberg</b>, writing in her book, <i>Faith:</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>“Faith enables us, despite our fear, to get as close as possible to the truth of the present moment, so that we can offer our hearts fully to it, with integrity. We might (and often must) hope and plan and arrange and try, but faith enables us to be fully engaged while also realizing that we are not in control, and that no strategy can ever put us in control, of the unfolding of events. Faith gives us a willingness to engage life, which means the unknown, and not to shrink back from it. </b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>The English word “courage” has the same etymological root as the French <i>coeur,</i> which means “heart.” To have courage, just as to have faith, is to be full of heart. With courage we openly acknowledge what we can’t control, make wise choices about what we can affect, and move forward into the uncultivated terrain of the next moment.</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>So it is with faith." Sharon Salzberg </b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-68913318390518278822023-03-29T07:00:00.003-07:002023-03-29T07:01:03.357-07:00Have We Ever Thought About It?<p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I think maturity begins when we no longer repeat, and unquestioningly buy-into, the <b><i>“things we’ve always heard.”</i></b></span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-74666742147995766542023-02-23T21:22:00.006-08:002023-02-23T21:23:33.942-08:00Giving Up Controlling Tendencies<p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What does it mean to give up control?</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It took me a while to think this through. And what came to mind is that control is tied to <b><i>relevance.</i></b> </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So, as long as I am contributing, I am feeding my need to be relevant—to be of use, to have purpose, <b><i>to be needed</i></b>.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And control is the worst kind of contributing.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But, one might ask, no matter how bad a controlling tendency can be, wouldn't it be worse to lose relevancy? </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Many of us must think so, since many of us have a controlling tendency or two (or three or four!)</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But what if, in fact, relevancy is <b><i>not</i></b> tied to control? What if, <b><i>in actuality,</i></b> relevancy is <b><i>negated</i></b> through control?</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If that’s the case, and I now believe it to be, then the very thing I’ve been afraid of losing by giving up control is or already has been lost!</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So then relevancy isn’t tied to control—<b><i>it’s tied to giving up control.</i></b></span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That’s because when the irritating habit of control is removed, respect, and maybe even admiration—<b><i>relevance</i></b>—can take its place.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Why is control so damaging to relevance?</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Because control, when it comes down to it, is narcissistic.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It demands to be involved, to be heard, to be listened to and allowed admittance. Even when it doesn’t know best, or have all the answers, control still wants a piece of the action; to not be left out. That’s where control’s “two cents worth” comes in. And that’s two cents too much for most people. And that’s why controlling people never gain the relevance they hope for.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But what if control surrendered?</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What if control said, “I’m retiring. I’m done. I’m outta here.”</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What will be demanded in its place?</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Well, <b><i>nothing.</i></b> Because control by its very nature is the thing that demands. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Absent of control, we are free from the narcissism of needing to be needed, and the inner demand to be perceived as superior, knowledgeable, and right. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We no longer thirst for acknowledgement, gratitude, influence or other people’s submission.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We remove ourselves from the equation that is other people’s lives. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And if we <b><i>are</i></b> ever asked for help or advice, we respond within the singular boundary of that specific inquiry or instance—nothing more. We do not volunteer more of ourselves than is desired by the other person.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Once we understand control as a narcissistic trait, we can begin to disarm it through discerning our motivations. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Why am I buying these unasked-for clothes for my grandchild?</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Why am I suggesting solutions or trying to fix people’s problems when all they want is for me to listen quietly? </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Why am I jumping in to help when those around me are more than capable of solving a problem on their own (such as finding the large soup spoon in the utensil drawer without my getting it for them?)</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We can also begin to watch for instances of control in others as a way to detect it more clearly in ourselves: </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When we see another spouse correcting their partner over petty details.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When one sibling interrupts and takes over another sibling’s conversation at a family gathering.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When a mom becomes short with her child because the cookies or cake aren’t being decorated “just so.”</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When a co-worker admonishes another co-worker for putting the plastic cups to the right of the water cooler instead of to the left.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When a bitter argument grows out of a mundane mishap. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Being on the lookout for control in others is one way to point the finger right back at ourselves and admit, <b>“I do that too.”</b></span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But then to also seriously admit:</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><i>“I no longer want to ‘do that too!’”</i></b></span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That’s when we know we are ready to exchange the low self-esteem of narcissistic control for the quiet, mature confidence of humbly letting go.</span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That means we allow other people to make their own mistakes; we remain silent when not consulted; we don’t show up with unwanted gifts and items; we don’t make rude and critical comments about the way someone else is completing a task, raising their children or running their household. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And in all of it, we acknowledge <b><i>and accept</i></b> that we are not our parents and they are not us; we are not our children and they are not us; and we are not our spouse and they are not us. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In addition, there is rarely just one way of doing anything, and most actions and activities could be accomplished <b><i>without any commentary at all. </i></b></span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When we give up control, we opt instead for respect—respect, and trust, that others are capable and worthy and can do just fine without our input. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And we’re just fine with that. </span></p>
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<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood </span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-80482417444203474022023-02-04T05:31:00.007-08:002023-02-04T05:33:15.032-08:00Peter Furler on Money, Fame and Attention<p> </p><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>“There was a comedian I was reading yesterday, and he was talking about how if money doesn’t have you and fame doesn’t have you, you might be alright. ’Cause they’re like a fire; they’re never satisfied. I think one of the biggest drugs we have on the planet is attention, and that’s a tough one. If you can wean yourself off that one, I think life’s better. And money too, that’s the other thing.”<br /></b><br />Peter Furler, Singer, Songwriter and Producer</span><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-57672933562375481302023-01-09T05:40:00.001-08:002023-01-09T05:40:17.220-08:00Acting in the Bias of Self Only<p> </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Are people of non-faith free from the objective reality that they, too, are hypocrites, evangelists to their cause, narrow minded, dogmatic, naive, and dishonest? </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Of course not. <b><i>They are just as complicit as people of faith.</i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Individuals and groups do all sorts of bad things when they claim they are any number of identities. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But in reality, when people do hurtful, evil things, <b><i>they do them in the name of themselves only</i></b>, regardless of what they pay lip service to verbally.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">People can blame God for any number of infractions, but in the end, it isn’t God, <b><i>but people</i></b>, who misbehave, commit the crimes and lack integrity.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-45956684402040897292022-12-24T08:27:00.001-08:002022-12-24T08:27:23.906-08:00Jesus Leveled the Playing Field of Personality<p><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Why is it that the quiet ones, the behind-the-scenes ones, the not-as-social ones, are somehow deemed aloof and prideful while those carrying the very opposite traits go about in their heads justified? </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Those with many friends, adults and children alike, are judged to be “well-adapted and adjusted,” while the thoughtful book readers, nature-explorers and non-“engagers” are somehow uncaring and not worthy of esteem.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But then a baby born in a manger or cave of some sort, who grew up in a lowly village, quietly learning and practicing a trade, arrives in our thoughts every year at Christmas. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Small, vulnerable, meek and mild, the baby, as an adult, continued to not stand out, to the point that when stirrings began around him, people scratched their heads and asked, </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><i>“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son?” </i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Jesus went on to be a public speaker. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">He was surrounded by people. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But he didn’t become their expectations. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">He remained the humble, thoughtful man that he had been all of his life. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">He surrounded himself with twelve close workers in the spreading of his Father’s message. He tapped into men of all stripes: loud, stubborn, energetic; but also quiet, unassuming, and serving so much in the background that people today struggle to remember some of their names. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Jesus purposely and trustingly “sent” them all, though. He didn’t leave any of the twelve out. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">He used every quality they brought to the party, and never singled out one personality type as being worthier than others. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Jesus deflected fame, fortune, and popularity and didn't succumb to peer pressure to do what others expected and to be how other people so wished he would be.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">He remained true to who he was, in spite of mockery and judgement.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In thirty-three years, Jesus grew up into the very man <b><i>God </i></b>intended. And because of that, sin was overcome and a place for each and every person ever born was made, not just on earth, but in heaven too.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-31251590047334308442022-12-13T07:39:00.008-08:002022-12-13T07:43:51.479-08:00Midnight Clear<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Many of us can sing the opening line, <b>“It Came Upon the Midnight Clear,”</b> to the hymn of the same name, only to have our voice trail off, or revert to humming the remainder of the song.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So I took some time this morning to read the lyrics in full, and was amazed at the portrait drawn there, one I had never visualized before:</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Angels arriving through <b>cloven skies</b>, <b>bending near the earth </b>with <b>wings unfurled</b>—<b>hovering</b>—all the while <b>singing </b>and <b>touching their harps of gold</b>.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What a majestic, unobservable picture!</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And while one could have a discourse long into the night regarding angels, one can, at minimum, metaphorically grasp the calm reassurance such an image holds for a <b>“weary world.”</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But perhaps one would have to actually become weary in order to appreciate the atmospheric possibility of rejoicing; <b><i>to willingly forgo the modus operandi of being sick and tired. </i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Perhaps one would have to first acknowledge that being disgruntled much of the time with things one can’t control is not a very productive way to live out one's precious days.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What if we could begin instead to “see” angelic grace and calm fortitude, to the point where fed-upness melts away? </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What if we let our guard down, not just with <b><i>one </i></b>heavenly guardian, <b><i>but the whole lot of them;</i></b> an innumerable choir, a multitude, an un-armed legion of them—they that come “<b>swiftly on the wing”</b> to sing over the earth’s <b>“Babel”</b> of <b>“sounds!”</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What if we allowed—invited—angels to sing over (drown out) our own babel, from our very own mouth?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Believe in them or not, can we believe in what they herald: relief, contentment, inner quietness, goodwill, <b><i>unsentimental and non-politicized hope</i></b>?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Can we imagine, angel or no, the symbolism of them breaking into our world <b><i>for real?</i></b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We <b><i>can </i></b>close our eyes and bring these celestial beings to life, letting them alight on our souls so that our lips lay down their diatribes and our hearts surrender their haughty offense.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Maybe we can’t believe in actual divine spirits with feathered appendages.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But can we buy-into what they represent?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And if we do believe in angels, can we receive their ministrations and spread their message--one directly dispatched to us <b>“from heaven’s all gracious King”</b> Himself?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Tonight, envision the angels, with wings spread—over your worst enemy, all of your regrets and multiple worries. Be reminded also as they resound memories of joy. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Feel their movement in the air, the strength and vitality in their presence, the glory of their song, and the midnight of their clarity into humanity’s attainable <b>“glad and golden hours.”</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-64052489343946285812022-12-06T05:53:00.023-08:002022-12-06T05:59:24.275-08:00Grace<p><span style="color: #0c0c0c; font-family: PT Sans;"><span style="font-size: 17.6px;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">The following is from the band <b>U2’s </b>website. </span><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">It’s the back story to one of my favorite songs, followed by the lyrics (I especially like how, though it is </span><span><b style="color: #0c0c0c;"><i>Bono's</i></b><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> </span></span><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">generalized belief that "the universe operates by karma," grace personified in his song overcomes the tit-for-tat modus operandi of it).</span></span></p>
<br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">From the website:<br /><br />“Grace is a theme that Bono latched onto in his later years. Grace can have many meanings. The grace of god, someone's name and simply being in someone's 'good graces'. <br /><br />With this song from <a href="http://amzn.to/2k5p23o">All That You Can't Leave Behind</a>, grace is possibly best described as a character that has an empirical quality about them, almost godlike. <br /><br />Indeed, when Bono's lyric refers to Grace carrying a pearl Bono is referenceing the following passage from the Bible, Matthew 13:45–46: <br /><br />'Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it' <br /><br />Of the character in the song, Bono has actually said: <br /><br />‘"There are a couple of my favourite people rolled into that lyric but the most important thing is that they personify my favourite word in the lexicon of the English language. It's a word I'm depending on. The universe operates by Karma, we all know that. For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. There is atonement built in: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Then enters Grace and turns that upside down. I love it.”' <br /> <br /><br />Lyrics <br /><br /><br />Grace, she takes the blame <br /><br />She covers the shame <br /><br />Removes the stain <br /><br />It could be her name <br /><br />Grace, it's the name for a girl <br /><br />It's also a thought that could change the world <br /><br />And when she walks on the street <br /><br />You can hear the strings <br /><br />Grace finds goodness in everything <br /><br /><br /><br />Grace, she's got the walk <br /><br />Not on a ramp or on chalk <br /><br />She's got the time to talk <br /><br />She travels outside of karma, karma <br /><br />She travels outside of karma <br /><br />When she goes to work <br /><br />You can hear the strings <br /><br />Grace finds beauty in everything <br /><br /><br /><br />Grace, she carries a world on her hips <br /><br />No champagne flue for her lips <br /><br />No twirls or skips between her fingertips <br /><br />She carries a pearl in perfect condition <br /><br />What once was hurt <br /><br />What once was friction <br /><br />What left a mark no longer stings <br /><br />Because Grace makes beauty <br /><br />Out of ugly things <br /><br />Grace finds beauty in everything <br /><br />Grace finds goodness in everything'<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><br />Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-49859541562732120462022-12-05T06:49:00.006-08:002022-12-05T06:50:11.988-08:00Silence<p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">The gift of <b><i>silence:</i></b> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">t</span></span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span>he most wonderful present, and presence, we might possibly give this year, to ourselves and others.</span><span> </span></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Doesn’t mean abstinence from speaking, necessarily, although it could. </span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">(an interesting note: <a href="http://dictionary.com">dictionary.com</a> defines <i>abstinence</i> as:</span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>“forbearance from any indulgence of appetite; </b></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance; </b></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>the state of being without a drug…on which one is dependent.</b></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">I think talking, at times, can definitely qualify as an <i>indulgence of appetite</i> and <i>a drug upon which one is dependent!!</i>)</span></p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Silence, then, can simply mean the cessation of speaking one way—one we’ve become accustomed to and have normalized— in favor of another, better, more gracious way. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-17020292962378535272022-12-03T13:27:00.005-08:002022-12-03T13:28:00.292-08:00Peace<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Peace is not something to wish, or even to hope for. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It is not a sentiment to wear on one’s sleeve or to stick in an envelope and mail as a Christmas card. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It is not a virtue to be signaled. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Peace is a decision. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A solitary decision.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Others might favor dissension over a chosen peace.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So be it.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We choose peace anyway, and forgo the <b>"useless wranglings" </b>of people of <b>"corrupt minds"</b> who are <b>"obsessed with disputes and arguments"</b> and have an <b>"unhealthy interest in controversies"</b> (1 Timothy 6:3-5).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Talk such as this, <b>"avoid"</b> (2 Timothy 3:5b); <b>"flee from these things"</b> (1 Timothy 6:11a).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i>Choose peace; no one is stopping us.</i></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives." </span></b><span style="font-family: georgia;">John 14:27a </span></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-54086130636497445132022-12-01T04:24:00.005-08:002022-12-02T05:56:24.884-08:00It Feels Good to Fully Accept Joy<p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I had an authentically joyous day after experiencing a shift in a relationship—a shift that came unexpected and by surprise.</span></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">During a telephone conversation, as my initially tense anticipation of what was to transpire gave way to an open-minded realization that <b>“this is going really well,” </b>the exchange continued in a mood of markedly honest and warm camaraderie. I have not experienced this way of being with this person since I was a small child.</span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And I can only describe my take-away of what took place between us as joy, the kind God talks about steadily and often, and yet has eluded me for years when it came to this individual.</span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">This joy, the sheer objective, non-forced or sentimentalized reality of it, was at first a bit strange to trust, especially when hopes had risen in the past in this relationship, only to expire time and time again.</span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">But yesterday was different. It was the spark of something I once knew with this person, and now, for even just one day, knew again. </span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And for it to have occurred at all is enough to keep me going in joy, though the walls may yet cave in once again with this person. I will bear the collapse with the joy of knowing that for one moment anyway, this person and I got to the place of joy once again. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">That is what I will live on and hold close going forward.</span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">And it feels good to fully accept this joy and not push it away in cynicism about the past or doubt about the future. </span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">To simply accept joy where it is and when it happens, free of vulnerabilities that would limit or minimize. To give it freedom—permission really—to be the impartial and unbiased grounding going forward.</span></p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-60949596484640225382022-11-05T15:19:00.002-07:002022-11-05T15:19:51.965-07:00Happy Like That Again<p><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I think the time comes when we move beyond angst and are plain and simply happy again, like a child, like the child we once were, like back then, before we knew the angst that would become us. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Happy. Like that. Again.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-53446415620261402572022-11-04T06:12:00.008-07:002022-11-04T06:17:19.963-07:00I Am Not Everyone and Everyone is Not Me<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ever notice how habitual the inward bringing-to-bear of one’s self upon others has become?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Statements, opinions and comments are spoken with a set expectation of response from others (I believe this is more commonly referred to as <b>tunnel vision</b>). </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Plans and approaches to gatherings, meetings, events, and holidays are devised and anticipated with a predetermined assumption of how all participations will join in (and oh boy, they <b><i>will</i></b> join in!).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Many of us drive down the road surprised, and thus easily irritated, with other drivers who navigate their trip to the store in a different (usually meaning <b><i>slower</i></b>) way.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The manner in which one builds their resume—and life—is thought to surely be the obvious course <b><i>everyone</i></b> ought to follow (another score for <b>tunnel vision</b>!).</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And the individual voter—under the delusion that their one vote is going to finally change the world (usually meaning the world as it affects them alone)—blames those who voted opposite when that world, indeed, does not morph into the hoped for result. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If one doubts that this tendency applies to them, and are self-assured that they have a proven track record of diplomatically and unequivocally separating themselves from the prerogatives, liberties and preferences of others, the best way to test this theory is during the upcoming election and holiday season. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">All a person has to do is listen to their own internal dialogue and their public and social words that follow to identify whether or not they are able to calmly and without bias respect where the boundary of them ends and the boundary of another begins.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-15723316680915577292022-11-03T05:41:00.009-07:002022-11-03T05:44:45.733-07:00"Ask Marilyn" Sums it Up in a Nutshell<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In a recent <b>"Ask Marilyn" </b>column, the syndicated writer was asked,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"Do you think politicians should perform based on their own convictions or on the convictions of their constituents?"</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>Marilyn's</b> reply:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"Personally, I believe we should elect politicians with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions, which are really unalterable opinions that are often applied without regard to the real-life consequences. Candidates should display their respect for humankind, their common sense and their perspicacity while campaigning so that, when elected, their constituents can trust them to behave with insight, knowing their representatives will do the right thing, even if it isn't always obvious to those of us outside their circle."</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i>Great answer</i>, and one, I believe, would apply to all of us in our daily interactions and public comments:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">To consider and respond <b><i>"with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions"</i></b> (which, as she pointed out, are more often than not opinions which tend to be rather narrow and self-minded more than they are well-investigated and tested <b><i>convictions</i></b>).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Also, to <b><i>"display our respect for humankind"</i></b> (including, I would add, respect for ourselves, <i><b>not</b> </i>by putting our perspective out there<i> </i>as<i> <b>"all that</b></i><b>,"</b> but respecting ourselves enough not to embarrass ourselves and irritate others through sheer entitlement to what we think).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And finally, to <b><i>"behave with insight" </i></b>so as to do and say, as much as it is in our power, <b><i>"the right thing"</i></b> (or perhaps say nothing at all and just listen). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And what about <b><i>"perspicacity</i></b>"? What a delicious word that took me to <i>dictionary.com</i>:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"keenest of mental perception and understanding; discernment"</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What a fabulous idea, that! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Perception, understanding, discernment--all of which require us to be quiet in thought and word long enough to get there. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In fact, as I think about it, perhaps if we want <i>leaders</i> to be this, <i>we</i> need to be this first ourselves. </span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-14724227581654581512022-11-01T08:00:00.012-07:002022-11-01T08:18:02.254-07:00A Critical Spirit and How to Kill It<p> </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">When we make negative comments about people in our inner circle or daily interactions, we imply more about the affirmation we feel we are entitled to from them, and not receiving, than we say about the other person. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ditto for the affirmation those other people receive which we feel we alone are entitled to, but due to getting "the short end of the stick" or a "raw deal," never did and never will. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In addition, public censure of other individuals, be they present or not, will grant us, we hope, the accolades—or at minimum the commiseration—from our listeners which we also covet.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It is the hurt from our belief that other people do not hold or convey a high enough regard for us that makes us criticize them and minimize their positive qualities and experiences. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We simply cannot be happy for people if they aren’t being as gloatingly attentive to us as we expect them to be. Or if we perceive, in self-pity, that they “got a better deal” of which we were somehow deprived. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It comes from being unable to see the cup half full in our own lives.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Which is why chronic gossipers and town-crier types (who assume everybody’s news is theirs to announce and repeat) will spare no-one in their fault-finding, jabs and stealing of thunder—because no-one can ever supply the affirmation they crave or assuage deep-seated jealousies.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Only an attitude, perspective and life of objective reflection under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit can kill the incessant, knee-jerk disposition of a critical spirit towards others. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Only when we see ourselves under the glaring light of God’s truth, which, <b><i>though jarring is also balanced by his unconditional, upholding love</i></b>, can we bear to realistically see all things—even the impurity and narcissism of our own heart—and comprehend the motivations behind what we think, conclude, do and say. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><i>This is freedom</i></b>, to break free of the mental and emotional cages of dysfunctional nurture and nature. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">These two cages come with a latch we can lift, on a door we can then open and walk through by choice, in humble confidence of God.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div><br /></div>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-79236355058444964602022-10-29T17:56:00.006-07:002022-10-29T17:58:23.322-07:00Weighing the Cost<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Today in <i>The</i> <i>Wall Street Journal</i>, <b>Peggy Noonan</b> asks this very cogent question: </span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">"What does good nature cost you?</span></b></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We should be able to conduct our lives without a constant air of menace."</span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">For the record, menace is not limited to meaning a threat of some kind, but also, according to Dictionary.com, can connote an <b>"an extremely annoying person." </b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And "good nature," in case we've forgotten, is defined by Dictionary.com as </span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">"pleasant disposition; kindly nature; amiability." </span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So to <b>Noonan's</b> question, <b>"What does<i> </i>good nature cost you?,"</b> I'd like to add, <b><i>"What does a demeanor, disposition and temperament of menace cost you?"</i></b></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-5331704487209296342022-10-28T13:29:00.001-07:002022-10-28T13:29:17.648-07:00 Malcontentedness <p> </p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>Peggy Noonan</b> has a good grip on the modus operandi of how self-righteous, intended-to-be divisive personal attitudes, and the oft-believed-as-truth personal opinions self-satisfyingly verbalized from them, are fed and enabled:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> <b>"Americans have always loved conspiracies, it's in our DNA. When I was a kid it was the CIA killed JFK, Dwight Eisenhower is a communist, fluoride in the water is a plot. In our time this tendency has been magnified and weaponized by the internet, where there's always a portal to provide you proof."</b></span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> "Part of it is American orneriness--people enjoy picking a fight, holding a grudge, being the only person who really gets what's going on. Part of it is the sheer cussed fun of being obstinate. Some of it is committed and sincere--an ineradicable belief that established powers like to pull the wool over our eyes, a belief made more stubborn because sometimes they do."</span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Noonan also adds,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"...mainstream media has changed its nature" </b>and become <b>"openly activist...This too contributed to polarization."</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The solution she proposes, when asked what could be done, sounds almost quaint:</span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">"The only thing I could think of to help was keeping lines of communication up and the conversation going."</span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A tall order when, as she mentioned, people actually seem to enjoy complaining to the level that they tend, as I see it, to perceive their profuse and constant commentary as an art--an art they pride themselves on being quite good at. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I posit an alternative solution, one I can't help understanding as being necessary for Noonan's <b>"keeping the lines of communication up and the conversation going"</b> in a more constructive manner. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And that is for attitudes and motivations toward one another to change from a tribalist "us vs. them" to one of respectful civility, surrendering the needy groveling for affirmation through contrariness and "being right."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The solution also must surely entail the end to thinking the worst of people who hold a differing viewpoint, or who simply refuse to join in and agree. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A rather tall order indeed. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">copyright Barb Harwood</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3645239428778941754.post-84323675598357194582022-10-24T11:03:00.004-07:002022-10-24T11:04:21.299-07:00Certain Kinds of Thoughts, Over Time, Can Harden the Heart<p> </p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>"To brood on evil makes the heart brazen..."</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">St. Mark the Ascetic (early fifth century), writing in <i>On the Spiritual Law</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></p>Barb Harwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07363368884460637740noreply@blogger.com0