When We Stop Sinning Only to Sin Again

Many, if not all of us, have experienced the audacity of our ability to slowly but surely slide back into a bad habit that God has previously corrected.

At that time of our disobedience, we were overcome with Godly sorrow and conviction, and relieved at the clarity of new direction His punishing discipline provided.

For me, it isn’t the so-called “Big-with-a-capital-B” sins, like drinking, that I am here referring to. That nemesis, thankfully, has never again been a temptation.

I’m talking about the sins we perceive as “lesser-than” that seem to be the more difficult to permanently shake off.

Perhaps it is due to their not even actually being a sin at a certain level. It is only when crossing a line that it becomes a sin. And that line can be denied, re-configured and made squiggly by our scheming self-interest.

Take shopping, for example. We all have to shop. But there is a difference between shopping for necessity and shopping for emotional assuagement or to feed some inner lack. And what about sheer material lust? That would be shopping in an idolatry of stuff.

Redeeming the time is another one that does not always have clear boundaries: what is relaxation and what is wasting time? How much leisure is too much? What is the quality of our leisure? Is it healthy leisure or detrimental to our body, mind or soul?

Although the Bible talks about both of these activities (Ephesians 5:1-18), at first glance they are more open-ended than a simple “though shall not” with clearly established precepts.

So it is easy for us to repent for our shopping or leisure habits when we’ve been called on them by God, but it is also easy, once we’ve been “good,” to, over time, take a little bit of liberty here and there—without any repercussions initially—until we are back to where we originally started, or even worse.

That’s when the consequences appear, either familiar or new. That’s when we know we again went too far, abusing and ignoring God’s previous teaching and grace.

I find this happens to me with the commodity of time.

I can wile away an hour just like that, reading inane internet articles, or following some news story about a crazed murderer, when I could be outside weeding, writing a letter to a friend, going on a bike ride, praying, or reading one of the zillions of books lying about my living room.

But since how I use my time does not hold the death knell of perceived “greater sins,” it is nothing at all to cut myself some slack, figure that God approves, or make up some excuse as to why I really must do whatever it is in wasting my time at the present moment.

Once these rather benign—to our minds—habits begin to be our main accomplishment outside of normal work hours, or if retired, our main accomplishments period, and God has already pointed it out once before, then we need to lift up our heads and remember why God corrected us in these temptations in the first place.

I currently find myself in the position of re-committing how I spend my time to God for His approval, fully cognizant that while I was doing really well in this area back when he first highlighted my misuse of it, I have since digressed.

And the Godly sorrow and conviction that I am feeling all over again, leading to repentance, has once again ignited the desire to get right with God, not just in these lapses, but in everything.

Romans 2:4 sums it up well:

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?”

God’s previous addressing of my fixations and unwieldy preponderances has always resulted in the above-mentioned repentance.

But what then?

I see now that for these more wishy-washy transgressions, I have shown contempt to his kindness in guiding me out of them by sticking my hand back in the cookie jar, hoping He won’t notice, or care.

But He does notice and care, because He loves us. And so He hands down His assessment and there we are, sheepishly wondering how we ever got ourselves into such straights all over again. And we repent.

The question now staring me in the face, and which I journaled upon this morning, is, will this cycle repeat? Is one repetition enough? Do I get it now? Will I remain right with God, agreeing with Him the rest of my days that this proclivity will never creep back into my daily life?

It is my prayer and plan of Scripture reading to make it so—to sincerely desire rightness with God and a clear conscience before Him above, and even instead of, everything else that may beckon.

Only time will tell if I redeem it well.

copyright Barb Harwood

“Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;

According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity

And cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,

And my sin is ever before me.

Against You, You only, I have sinned

And done what is evil in Your sight,

So that You are justified when You speak

And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

And in sin my mother conceived me.

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,

And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me to hear joy and gladness,

Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.

Hide Your face from my sins

And blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a new heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation

And sustain me with a willing spirit.” Psalm 51:1-12

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

“Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And all that is within me, bless his holy name.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And forget none of His benefits;

Who pardons all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases;

Who redeems your life from the pit,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;

Who satisfies your years with good things,

So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.

The LORD performs righteous deeds

And judgments for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His acts to the sons of Israel.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,

Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

He will not always strive with us,

Nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,

Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame;

He is mindful that we are but dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;

As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,

And its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on

those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children,

To those who keep His covenant

And remember His precepts to do them.” Psalm 103:1-18