I understand my right place with God, and I pray that others come to know, first-hand, their right place with Him as well, because this is the only real peace as I've come to experience it.
It is the joy of walking with the Lord in the unencumbered freedom to always know where I stand with Him.
copyright Barb Harwood
dictionary.com defines illusion as:
“Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.”
It is fascinating to me to think about how deception is produced.
Is it through an out-right intention to deceive emanating from another person or entity?
Is it an unintended deception, a misunderstanding or miscommunication, that leads to a wrong impression?
Or, and I think this is much more common that we know, is it because we, the receiver, illude ourselves?
When this is the case, our takeaway of another person’s personality, or a company’s political and ethical climate, or a house we want to purchase, is warped, not by the person, company or house, but by our seeing—sometimes manufacturing—what we want to see.
It’s the subjectivity of existence vs. the objective.
At times in our life we can see everything as it really is with crystal clarity.
But at other times, due to a temporary or ongoing vulnerability—sometimes lasting years—we live in a fog of our own perception. Perhaps it is out of self protection—we need to believe such and such about this person, place or thing to keep us steady and to be our anchor when we lack maturity or coping mechanisms.
And then—what a weird but exhilarating experience—often without any warning, that person, place or thing is revealed for what it really is, and always has been.
It is when, for lack of a better phrase, “the stars align” and we feel foolish and maybe irritated for having thought otherwise all those months or years.
This sudden spotlight that shines on friendships we thought close but never were, parents and extended families that we attempted to force into our idealist molds, and past periods of life that we had been clinging to as if they still meant something, but don’t—all of it is transformed into lucid, 20/20 vision.
We can let go now of the dysfunctional security blanket that kept us tethered to these past fossils because we thought they must remain somehow relevant in order for us to be relevant, or to have at least not wasted our lives.
Our illusions, those larger than life dinosaurs that roamed and stalked our inner being, become extinct; closing (to our grateful and utter relief) those history books for good.
Recently, I looked across the table at a close friend of many years, and as our conversation turned to those we no longer stay in touch with, it dawned on me that she has traveled with me through much of my history. Yet here we were, sitting across from each other filling hours that seem like minutes with raptured conversation! I sputtered suddenly to my friend,
“Not you! You and I still get together because you have evolved!”
We both thought about that, and she said,
“The word is evolved. And you’re right. We both have evolved.”
That is true of every close and authentic relationship I cherish today, especially with my husband, sons and daughter-in-law.
That evolution, the heroic ability to change, is the result of each one of us taking off the rose-colored or grimy rimmed glasses, as the case may be, and seeing our past, present and future; our faith and our families; our acquaintances and personal histories, as they are, no illusions whatsoever.
The dross of illusion thus burned away, we carry on, lighthearted and still, not to be subject again to this yoke of slavery.
Copyright Barb Harwood
When we’re troubled, when fears rational or irrational plague us, we can tend the storm within us by asking ourselves,
“Am I right with God?”
If we can bravely, in utmost honesty, affirm that yes, we have been washed by God and a right spirit has indeed been put within us, it is then that the life waters grow still and the demons rush out of us, leaving the quiet, undisturbed peace and renewal of God.
“Be gracious to me, God, according to Your Faithfulness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion, wipe out my wrongdoings.
Wash me thoroughly from my guilt
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my wrongdoings,
And my sin is constantly before me.
Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
Behold, I was brought forth in guilt,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
Behold, you desire truth in the innermost being,
And in secret You will make wisdom known to me.
Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
Cleanse me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins
And wipe out all my guilty deeds.
Create in me a clean heart, God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And sustain me with a willing Spirit.
Then I will teach wrongdoers Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
Save me from the guilt of bloodshed, God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
Lord, open my lips,
So that my mouth may declare Your praise.
For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You do not take pleasure in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise.
Psalm 51:1-17
Copyright Barb Harwood
BJ Foster, writing on the website All Pro Dad, writes a succinct, insightful and, in my opinion, correct explanation of why human beings do not forgive.
In many cases, it is because they cannot forgive, which, of course, I attribute to not having first experienced the forgiveness of God for their own personal immaturity, mistakes, and times they themselves have hurt others (but don’t keep the same account of as they do for others who have offended or hurt).
Here are Foster’s five reasons folks don’t, or cannot, forgive, in condensed form. You can read the entire article here:
https://www.allprodad.com/5-reasons-people-dont-forgive/
Foster’s Five Reasons:
1. Many people believe the myths that have grown up around forgiving: They think that if they forgive, they are somehow saying that the wrong to them was justified or is now forgotten. In addition, Foster says,
“Many also believe it means that the person must admit wrongdoing, trust is restored, there must be reconciliation, or the offender is released from the consequences of their actions. That all can be a part of forgiveness but doesn’t have to be. Forgiveness is simply giving up your right to condemn…Forgiveness is letting go of ill will and making peace.”
2. “Holding on to anger and bitterness somehow feels like justice. It’s what the people who hurt us deserve, our wrath. Somehow we convince ourselves that our bitterness keeps them on the hook. Bitterness is hard to let go of because it is a security blanket that provides false comfort and a distraction from our hurt. Forgiveness means letting go of bitterness…”
3. “We want people to get what they deserve, especially when they hurt us…
Forgiveness means they are released from the vengeance we want to administer.”
4. “We are right and they are wrong. They are the bad guys and we are the heroes. That’s what feels good. It’s easy to place someone who hurts you in the category of an evil person. It makes life much more simple, but it’s not that simple. The person may be wrong, abusive, cruel, manipulative, controlling, a liar, or a bully. However, forgiveness causes us to consider what led them to be that way. What pain and abuses have been perpetuated on them? It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it does give some insight. Forgiveness also challenges us to think about the pain we have inflicted on others and our need to receive forgiveness.”
5. This fifth point is where Foster knocks it out of the ball park, because he states a very simple truth that is rarely stated in articles on forgiveness. Foster writes:
“Finally, forgiveness is an act that comes from a position of strength, a strength many people don’t have. It requires resilient bravery, love, faith, empathy, openness, and vulnerability.”
The only thing I can add to Foster’s above list, is this:
For each and every one of us, life at times is a huge, overwhelming struggle.
Coping mechanisms vary at different stages of life.
If we all were born knowing how to navigate our emotions and mental weaknesses, we would never step on anyone’s toes.
Events and stressors in life do to us what we never received an instruction sheet for. Instead, we have to wing it, and creep into our shells for self-protection when that’s all we can do, often shutting others out.
People love to throw around the “cancel” word when someone is having a mental health crisis or is attempting to get their life back on track and thus needs to keep their distance from those who at that time in their life pose a risk or a threat.
Sometimes those feeling “canceled” would do well to take an inner look to gain some insight as to what they themselves perhaps are doing to contribute to someone else’s pulling away. At minimum, if they are so concerned with having been “canceled,” then maybe they should simply ask if they indeed have been canceled before jumping to the conclusion that the other person is the problem.
To those who harbor ill will and unforgiveness because they feel they were cancelled (and never directly asked the other person why), I posit that unforgiveness is an equal form of cancel, especially when the other person is attempting to make amends.
We can’t really criticize someone for canceling us if we are doing the same back through unforgiveness.
Self-righteousness is the monster that it is because all of the mud it slings at other people is never recognized as one’s own mud too.
Forgiveness.
The only way I got to where I am today is because of God’s teaching me forgiveness. It is a most difficult thing. And that is why I have also learned, from God, to forgive those who cannot, or will not, forgive me.
Copyright Barb Harwood
