Forgiveness

Jesus' laying down of His life in the crucifixion, which believers will mark at the end of this week on Good Friday, is what makes possible forgiveness and new life. 

So I thought I would post some excerpts from an excellent article on forgiveness written by James Cain of In Touch Ministries, titled, The Field Guide to Forgiveness.

Here are the highlights from the article. (I have underlined his words in places, for emphasis). 

“In the end, forgiveness often changes the one forgiving more than the one being pardoned. This is true because forgiveness forces us to admit our powerlessness and trust God...."

"Pursuing vengeance makes us feel strong, empowered. Forgiving, on the other hand, acknowledges that we may not receive the 'justice' we thought we deserved."

"Change also happens because forgiveness creates space for restored fellowship. Giving up our claim against the offender moves us from weakness to strength, as we invite the peace of the Holy Spirit to restore our relationship with God and neighbor. Denying forgiveness, on the other hand, breaks fellowship not only with our adversary, but also with our Father (Mark 11:25)."

"When we forgive, we make renewed relationship possible, if not with the person we forgive, then with the Person who has forgiven us."

"The apostle Paul suggests that our duty to forgive others depends on recalling the pardon we received from God. ‘As the Lord forgave you,’ he writes, ‘you do also’ (Col. 3:13). Not only should we remember that God forgives us; we should also imitate how He does it: graciously, freely, and completely."

"We might be tempted to keep a ‘record of wrongs,’ but love precludes that (1 Col. 13:5). The unbelieving world tends to nurse grudges against whoever has wronged them, but as followers of Jesus, we forgive freely, without expecting anything in return.”

"...forgiveness requires gracious inward action before we can pursue gracious outward action...Much of this internal work can be done without the offender’s knowledge."

(We must) “actively and energetically oppose the natural inclination toward assaulting the other person, physically or verbally, or withdrawing from relationship with him. Either approach is a way of withholding forgiveness and will impede the healing process for both people."

"Avoid assaulting or withdrawing from others by looking for opportunities to celebrate your offender’s successes. Do not rejoice when he suffers, but grieve along with him. Prayerfully seek to ‘relieve’ the person, and seek the right moment for reconciliation. All this heart work will enable you, when the time comes, to offer authentic forgiveness."

“...the work of forgiveness begins with a prayer to remember God’s grace towards you. One of the Holy Spirit’s tasks is to ‘convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment’ (John 16:8). He alone can bring about the change of heart necessary to see your own sin, to recognize Christ’s righteousness, and to see that judgment belongs to God alone."

"Ask God to show you your sin and remind you of His grace...mindful of your own faults, ask for and extend forgiveness. Pray for the well-being of the wrongdoer—not just that he’d see the error of his ways, but that God would protect and prosper him."

"Offer mercy quickly, leave justice to God, and make sure you don’t allow resentment to find fertile soil.”  

By James Cain, from the article, The Field Guide to Forgiveness.

Read it in its entirety here:

https://thecounselingmoment.wordpress.com/2011/09/10/the-field-guide-to-forgiveness/

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us." Ephesians 1:7-8a

"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Matthew 6:12

Taking Stock, Seventeen Years Into My Faith in Christ

It's been seventeen years that I've been re-born in Christ.

And while the spiritual trek goes on, it emanates now more from a place of victory, not defeat.

When I first started out with Christ, in my distress I called upon the Lord (Psalm 18:6). The Lord answered, and over the course of years, set me in the spacious place of today (Psalm 18:19).

"He rescued me, because He delighted in me" (Psalm 18:19). 

He delights in me, and all Christians, because of Christ.

And that has caused laughter and joy to increasingly prevail as He has triumphed over all the ways I knowingly or unknowingly attempted to keep myself separate from God. 

Not that I am no longer a sinner, I am. 

But God's purifying Hand allows me to go forth having put past failures--and all the things that sin and flesh allowed to get under my skin during the last seventeen years--to bed. 

Despair and human fear have been assuaged, because 

"...I know that my Redeemer lives,

And at the last He will take His stand on earth" (Job 19:25). 

The surety of one's standing in Christ is not a place of pride; it is a place of utter contrition and gratefulness, of wisdom and love.

If I had to give an elevator-pitch synopsis of my faith walk thus far, I would go to Isaiah 6:5-8:

“Then I said, ‘Woe is me, for I am ruined!

Because I am a man of unclean lips,

And I live among a people of unclean lips;

For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.’

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, ‘Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.’

Then I heard the voice of the LORD, saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ 

I, like Isaiah, began in woe, realizing I am a woman of unclean lips--in other words, a sinner. 

And then I struggled in the ensuing years of living among a people of unclean lips--in other words, sinners. 

God would take me through the ringer of testing, encouraging and teaching so that, not only would my eyes see my King for the first time, but would remain fixed on the King at all times. 

And in that school of Hard Knocks, as I like to call it, I discovered that the same refining process I've been through is still yet to come for many unrepentant and unbelieving people. 

And that is something I'm not going to change overnight, or possibly at all. But that's okay, because it isn't up to me. 

That doesn't mean I turn my back on the world, complacent. It means I turn to God expectant and trusting in Him alone.  

Notice how Isaiah simply says, "Here I am. Send me!" 

It's taken me seventeen years to finally figure that out. And not only that, but to be perfectly content with those five little words.

So that is how I will go forth. In the refined spacious place of sweetness and joy, of non-Quixotic compassion and clarity, and with no agenda or selfish ambition whatsoever of my own, I now simply say, "Here I am. Send me!"

copyright Barb Harwood

"...not having a righteousness of my own...but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:9, in part, through verse 14.

"Teach me Your way, Oh LORD;

I will walk in Your truth; 

Unite my heart to fear Your name.

I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,

And will glorify Your name forever.

For your lovingkindness toward me is great,

And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol." Psalm 86:11-13

Lust: It's Not Just for Sex

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world” (1 John 2:15-16).

Society, I believe, defines lust in a much too limited way.

Lust is usually associated with secret sexual liaisons in out-of-the way motels. It is what people do when they look at magazines or websites displaying nudity, or fantasize about becoming romantically involved with someone. I think we get the picture.

And while my trusty Dictionary.com does define lust as

“intense sexual desire or appetite,” “lecherousness,” “uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire”

it also defines it as

“a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for),” as in “a lust for power.”

So, we can be in lust when we crave things like affirmation, attention and vindication.

We might harbor lust in our fervor to always be understood, liked and included.

We may possess a compulsion to maintain an exceptionally clean and organized house or office, or lust after food, shopping or exercise.

So when the Bible talks about lust, it is important to understand that its use of that word does not always refer to sex.

In fact, let’s look at two passages where clearly the word “lust” is pretty open-ended, referring to the wider dictionary definition that includes anything that consumes our thoughts and has mastery over us.

"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel" (James 4:1-2a).

“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:13-21).

“Desire of the flesh” is just another way of saying “lust.” And in fact, sexual lust is included in the Galatians list of the deeds of the flesh. But note, too, that envy, factions, dissensions and partying are also included.

If we’re honest, anyone who has ever felt hijacked by any one of the "deeds of the flesh," such as jealousy, for example, will probably readily admit that we hate the feeling. Sometimes we can’t even explain why we feel the way we do. 

Sometimes it has to do with feeling less-than ourselves, and sometimes it has to do with a sense of justice. Either way, jealousy (again, merely one of the fleshly deeds) is a horrible feeling, but one that we often find impossible to shake.

The right thing to do, the Christ-like thing to do, is to go to God with our jealousy (or anger, resentment, insecurity, need to be popular—whatever it is), and sincerely desire that He put a right spirit within us; that he wash us clean from the emotion that is beginning to have mastery over us.

The dysfunctional thing to do is to feed the jealousy sour grapes; to nurse our wounds by revisiting and perhaps, over time, embellishing them. That is when an emotion we didn’t ask for turns into lust: when, instead of saying “nothing doing” to the negative emotion, we partner with it in commiseration.

Scripture has a very good reason for commanding

“See to it that no one comes up short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal” (Hebrews 12:15-16).

Every lust will lead us down the road of bitterness, because whatever we are obsessing over will never be satiated to our satisfaction. And so we will continue to make desperate and repeated attempts to fill our leaky bucket, only to leave destruction and dysfunction in our wake.

If we already have the Spirit in us, we must stop fighting the Spirit and recognize that any temptation we give an inch to has the potential to mutate into a lust that will gradually capture, and embitter.

And lest we be tempted to allow ourselves the alibi of “I was attacked by Satan,”

the Bible has an answer to that too:

“No temptation has overtaken you but such is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry” (1 Corinthians 10:13-14).

But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:6-8).

Finally, we hold to this constant in our Christian walk:

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

 copyright Barb Harwood

God's Call Going Forward

We all have them: people and institutions in our lives that threaten or challenge us—not physically—but spiritually, ideologically, morally, and behaviorally. 

We may feel a deep need to control or set boundaries around all interactions with these folks, resulting in a sense of dread every time we even think of their presence in our, or our children’s, lives.

When I became a Christian, I turned to Jesus to establish His authority in these relationships.

The setting of healthy boundaries around myself and my children in order to ward off these encroachments has been a legitimate and worthwhile—albeit often excruciating—task, one that has grasped at every fiber of God’s grace while walking the fine line of influences I allowed or disallowed into every stage of my, and my kids’, lives. 

It was crucial that I listen for God’s ordaining stamp of approval on all limits set.

The best way I can illustrate this comes from one of the biggest challenges I faced after becoming a saved Christian fifteen years ago. As someone who has been in the mental, emotional and spiritual recovery of having relied on alcohol and New Age spirituality for 21 years, I was faced with the task of breaking the chain of alcoholism and empty religion forged and handed down by previous generations and institutions.

Under no circumstances were my husband and I going to pass the baton of drinking and secular humanist religious dogma onto our children via the influence of those same people and institutions that had taught and endorsed it to us.

And so, after becoming Christians, we carefully orchestrated and discussed, as much as possible, our family’s exposure to that influence which was so disabling in my and my husband’s lives.

Now, seventeen years into not only my sobriety but my being born again in Christ, and my two sons now adults and living far away, I have been sitting with God to take stock of where I am on this boundary setting. 

And God, in His tender mercy, is gently taking me to the next phase of sanctification in which, although He continues to give total peace regarding the past fulfillment of being gatekeeper and leader (along with my husband) of our household, there is now a bend in the stream He is calling us to navigate.

At this juncture, as in the past, I am to rely on God and prayer; the difference being that prayer will now take more and more the place of my doing the physical and mental work of setting personal and family boundaries.

Prayer and a growing trust in God alone is increasingly taking the place of God’s past call to be a physical protector of my family.

In the past, I was obedient to God to physically, and in prayer, manage the negative influences. Now, I am being called to a diminished role in that physical capacity, trusting that God will guard the spiritual and emotional gains made by past obedience. 

In essence, it’s a complete hand-off: God has said “Well done” to the raising of my children and the establishing of my marriage and household within the confines of what He set for us through His guidance.

Now, He is assuring us that, while the old influences still hold potential for damage, He alone will take it from here. (He’s always been in control. The difference being that now, with children raised and extended family not interested, my and my husband’s influence is greatly diminished).

My healing from the past is allowing me to move forward, leaving yesterday and the people who have not yet healed or found Jesus, in God’s capable hands.

I realize that this, in a way, is God’s confirmation that I have spiritually matured. I can stand firmly in the grace of God in the face of situations and people I might not have before. My trust in God increasingly takes precedence. With the changes in me and life circumstances has come a shift in God's call. 

This is both a challenge and a relief: a challenge because I fully admit I am saddened by people and ideologies that would hijack and misconstrue everything Christians believe. It is a relief because I know now that only God can quicken the hearts of people. The burden has shifted from,

“Why aren’t people listening to me?”

 to

“It breaks my heart that people aren’t listening to God.”

When it comes to prayer and the belief that God can save whom He will, nobody gets left behind as I go forward.

But when it comes to me trying to control outcomes and change people’s thinking unsolicited, I am moving on. 

I now know what it is to be in the world but not of the world, and to be content in all situations. 

copyright Barb Harwood

“Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said: ‘Who am I, Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?” 2 Samuel 7:18

(see also 1 Chronicles 17:16).

“They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me...

For I have kept the ways of the LORD; I am not guilty of turning from my God.” Psalm 18:18-19, 21