We all have them: people and institutions in our lives that
threaten or challenge us—not physically—but spiritually, ideologically,
morally, and behaviorally.
We may feel a deep need to control or set boundaries
around all interactions with these folks, resulting in a sense of dread every
time we even think of their presence in our, or our children’s, lives.
When I became a Christian, I turned to Jesus to establish His
authority in these relationships.
The setting of healthy boundaries around myself and my
children in order to ward off these encroachments has been a legitimate and
worthwhile—albeit often excruciating—task, one that has grasped at every fiber
of God’s grace while walking the fine line of influences I allowed or disallowed into every stage of my, and my kids’, lives.
It was crucial that I listen for God’s
ordaining stamp of approval on all limits set.
The best way I can illustrate this comes from one of the
biggest challenges I faced after becoming a saved Christian fifteen years ago.
As someone who has been in the mental, emotional and spiritual recovery of
having relied on alcohol and New Age spirituality for 21 years, I was faced
with the task of breaking the chain of alcoholism and empty religion forged and
handed down by previous generations and institutions.
Under no circumstances were my husband and I going to pass
the baton of drinking and secular humanist religious dogma onto our children
via the influence of those same people and institutions that had taught and
endorsed it to us.
And so, after becoming Christians, we carefully orchestrated and discussed,
as much as possible, our family’s exposure to that influence which was so
disabling in my and my husband’s lives.
Now, seventeen years into not only my sobriety but my being
born again in Christ, and my two sons now adults and living far away, I have been sitting with God to
take stock of where I am on this boundary setting.
And God, in His tender
mercy, is gently taking me to the next phase of sanctification in which, although
He continues to give total peace regarding the past fulfillment of being
gatekeeper and leader (along with my husband) of our household, there is now a
bend in the stream He is calling us to navigate.
At this juncture, as in the past, I am to rely on God and
prayer; the difference being that prayer will now take more and more the place
of my doing the physical and mental work of setting personal and family
boundaries.
Prayer and a growing trust in God alone is increasingly
taking the place of God’s past call to be a physical protector of my family.
In the past, I was obedient to God to physically, and in
prayer, manage the negative influences. Now, I am being called to a diminished role
in that physical capacity, trusting that God will guard the spiritual and
emotional gains made by past obedience.
In essence, it’s a complete hand-off: God has said “Well
done” to the raising of my children and the establishing of my marriage and
household within the confines of what He set for us through His guidance.
Now, He is assuring us that, while the old influences still
hold potential for damage, He alone will take it from here. (He’s always been
in control. The difference being that now, with children raised and extended family not interested, my and my husband’s influence
is greatly diminished).
My healing from the past is allowing me to move forward,
leaving yesterday and the people who have not yet healed or found Jesus, in God’s
capable hands.
I realize that this, in a way, is God’s confirmation that I have
spiritually matured. I can stand firmly in the grace of God in the face of
situations and people I might not have before. My trust in God increasingly takes precedence. With the changes in me and life circumstances has come a shift in God's call.
This is both a challenge and a relief: a challenge because I
fully admit I am saddened by people and ideologies that would hijack and
misconstrue everything Christians believe. It is a relief because I know now
that only God can quicken the hearts of people. The burden has shifted from,
“Why aren’t people listening to me?”
to
“It breaks my heart that people aren’t
listening to God.”
When it comes to prayer and the belief that God can save
whom He will, nobody gets left behind as I go forward.
But when it comes to me trying to control outcomes and
change people’s thinking unsolicited, I am moving on.
I now know what it is to
be in the world but not of the world, and to be content in all situations.
“Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he
said: ‘Who am I, Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought
me this far?” 2 Samuel 7:18
(see also 1 Chronicles 17:16).
“They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD
was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because
he delighted in me...
For I have kept the ways of the LORD; I am not guilty of
turning from my God.” Psalm 18:18-19, 21
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