If I Had Life to Do Over Again

If I had it to do all over again, I would read the Bible every morning, taking absolutely serious everything it said, and then do it, for the sole purpose of pleasing God. My discipline and priority every day would be to apply its wisdom through the power of the living Holy Spirit within me. 

But many of us want to do everything but what we really should. We do other than what we really must.

“Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified;...”

1 Thessalonians 4:1-3 (emphasis mine).

And the Truth Shall Set You Free

There are two facets to being contemporarily “sensitive”: The first is on the receiving end: not wanting our faults to be pointed out to us or people to ever disagree with us or someone to be better than us at something, and then getting hurt when they are or they do.

The second is on the giver’s end: feeling obligated to be “sensitive,” i.e. never pointing out someone’s strengths because it might make someone within earshot who lacks those same strengths feel bad, and never speaking from experience or conviction because it might clash with someone else’s experience or conviction.

But here’s the deal: it was the times in life where people firmly and honestly leveled with me that I changed for the better. Did I like it at the time? Of course not! But I like it now, because it was the courage of those willing to be honest and speak truth that resulted in my seeing progress in shedding baggage, getting a life and getting over “it” (and there are so many “its” to get over, aren’t there?).

One of the things I love most about being a Christian is that Jesus is my best and final critic. He never lets me get away with anything (I may get away with it in the world, but not with Him). I have come to rely and depend on His conviction to show me where I need to change. His love and equipping is what allows me to actually do it.

Jesus can also use people to speak His truth to us. Funny how He has a way of pointing out things we often already know about ourselves but were hoping nobody else noticed! It’s when people do notice and say something that can be the catalyst that moves us to deal with “it,” whatever “it,” at any point in time, is.

Our standing in Christ and knowing we are created by God on purpose—on His purpose!—allows us to bravely weather the truths about our shortcomings and not be threatened by other’s strengths. If we are maturing in Christ, then God is growing our heart, mind, gifts and talents—our uniqueness—more and more (for His purpose and glory, not ours). It is in that confidence that I can celebrate someone else’s gift when it is not my gift and find joy and contentment in not having the same personality, circumstances, or abilities of somebody else.

It is knowing who we truly are from Christ’s perspective that leads us to then BE and live out the best of who we truly are that He designed us to be. But this transformation can never happen if we fail to learn and accept who we are not and who He never intended us to be.

Read an insightful article about "sensitivity" here:

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/719188/jewish/Have-We-Become-Too-Sensitive.htm

Ephesians 4:15-16: “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”

But Be Transformed...

Quote for the day:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

At Home Moms: I Speak for These

“Long before ‘going green’ was mainstream, Dr. Seuss’s Lorax spoke for the trees and warned of the dangers of disrespecting the environment. In this cautionary rhyming tale, we learn of the Once-ler, who came across a valley of Truffula Trees and Brown Bar-ba-loots (“frisking about in their Bar-ba-loot suits as they played in the shade and ate Truffula Fruits”), and how his harvesting of the tufted trees changed the landscape forever. With the release of the blockbuster film version, the Lorax and his classic tale have educated a new generation of young readers not only about the importance of seeing the beauty in the world around us, but also about our responsibility to protect it.”

 From the Seussville website:

http://www.seussville.com/books/book_detail.php?isbn=9780394823379

When it comes to the preservation of motherhood, specifically full-time at home motherhood, I feel more and more like the Lorax. And the things that get in the way of motherhood—the “thneeds” that apparently “everyone needs” (such as self-actualization and materialism)—continue to fly off the production line of the wily Once-ler, who in my mind stands for the devil.

It has taken quite a long time for me to write about at-home momhood, so I will be very clear: I speak for potential or current at-home moms who would like to raise their children full time but:

   1. Receive no emotional or moral support.

   2. Have been taught that being an at-home mom and wife is  demeaning.

   3. Are convinced they “need” to work in order to survive.

   4. Feel as though they are “selling out” on their women’s liberation duty to be a force in the office/career world.

   5. Have been filled with doubt by the mantra “a woman cannot be fulfilled as just a mom and wife.”

I will begin by acknowledging that when my husband and I were raising children, my husband had a good job. And if the situation changed, we agreed we would do whatever it took to ensure that I could stay home with the kids.

I am friends with women who have more children than I do and whose husbands have a lower income but these women are nonetheless fulltime at-home moms. One woman is married to a pastor. They have 3 boys and live in a very small house they outgrew years ago. They are content with what they have and are putting their family before material things and material opportunities. She is my hero.

My grandmother, one of the few college-educated women of her time, chose to be a wife and mother, leaving her English teaching behind for the equally engaging and rewarding adventure of marriage and children. I know of no other woman who was as fulfilled and content as my grandma. My five siblings and I count her as one of, if not thee most, influential person in our lives, and desire to be the grandmother to our grandchildren that she was to us. She is my hero.

My best friend—college-educated and at one time working professional—stayed home and raised three children. She wouldn’t have it any other way, and has found much writing material from her time as an at-home mother. She continues to do the same as a grandmother. She is my hero.

But I did not always champion or hold this view of motherhood.

I have lived on both sides of the fence: as a women’s liberationist attending and graduating with a degree from UW Madison in the 80’s; then as a confused mom holding a newborn—knowing there was no way I was going to leave him every day in the care of someone else; as the mother of a toddler and newborn feeling the need to “make up for” my lack of career by running myself into the ground with volunteerism; and then as a wife and mother coming to the end of herself in utter despair of trying to incorporate the women’s liberation dogma heralded by other women, the public schools, civic organizations, colleges and church I attended.

When I quit my job to stay home with my first son, I couldn’t enjoy it to the fullest. The lies of being “unfulfilled,” “walked on by a man,” being “lesser” and not “using my degree” all haunted me. So I ratcheted up the volunteer work to the point it negatively affected my marriage and family life. I had a double standard: while my husband got up at 6:00 am and went to work, and came home late each evening, I thought I was free from household duties because, as a woman, I was above them. So I grudgingly did the basic chores, but not consistently. I was a slob. I did a great job of volunteering, and hanging out with my kids, but my priorities were skewed because of the battle raging within: I was too good to be just a wife and mom!

And that is the state in which God found me: wrestling with the diabolical, culturally-imposed construct that militantly defines womanhood to mean having a job, earning an income and being better than a man simply due to being female.

So although I loved being home, I felt insecure in that choice. Although I adored being a mom, I felt I was shortchanging myself (I wasn’t a Christian yet, so other-centeredness had not yet entered into the picture. I was not in a place of even considering how I might be shortchanging my children or husband). On and on it went. The women’s liberation ideology continued to be a fly in the ointment of my contentment with motherhood and marriage.

And then, through a series of circumstances, God got hold of me, primarily through His Word, the Bible, which I had begun reading as an exercise in great literature. Over a period of eight years, God began His process of un-conforming me to the world, and renewing my mind and heart towards His truth.

He showed me that these children are not my children, they are His, entrusted to me to raise for Him. Wow. I saw how my husband is also not only my husband, but God’s child as well. I learned that I am God’s child. We all belong to Him.

It dawned on me, with these realizations, that it might be best to do things His way. And it was! He, in His mercy, gave me permission to be an at-home mom, derailing once and for all the women’s liberation freight train. I was unequivocally, irrefutably and finally free! Not only did I receive His permission, I received motherhood and being a wife as His high calling. Peace and contentment followed.

But there was regret. Regret that it hadn’t happened sooner. Regret that nobody, no woman, had ever told me the truth about marriage and motherhood.

An acquaintance of mine is now experiencing this sort of regret: a professional career woman living in the Los Angeles Hills in a multi-million dollar mansion, she confided that, as the time nears for her only child to leave for college, she is wondering whether her time away at work “was worth it.”

It is out of compassion for young women and their future children that I am driven to be the voice that never spoke to me: a voice that can reveal the beauty, possibility and worth in motherhood and protect it, just as the Lorax tried to protect the trees. I desire to plant the hope of “unless...,” the word in The Lorax that begs for someone to care enough to plant the seed that will grow, in this case, motherhood back into the wonder that it is.

The Lorax spoke for trees; I speak for these: women who still have time to change their minds, to make new choices, to listen to and act on their inner mom that says “I want to stay home with my children!”

I am the Lorax who will give you permission. Together we will plant the seed of “unless...”

“But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine. Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. 

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
Titus 2:1-5

What's "of God" and What's Not?

I see much striving among Christians, especially younger ones who are in the phase of life where major decisions are being made, to find certainty and confirmation of that one God-ordained course of action. 

And the result is that many fall into the trap of interpreting their course of study in college, where they work and serve in ministry, and who they date or marry as a specific “of God.” 

For example, perhaps a Christian studies a foreign language in college and becomes fluent. They have labeled this pursuit of language as being “of God.” But when they graduate, they find themselves in a situation where they will not be using that language in ministry or work, and won't be going to the country where it is spoken. So, in hindsight, was the learning of that language truly “of God?”

Or how about this scenario: “My boyfriend is ‘of God.’” But what, then, is the boyfriend after he breaks up? People will reason that the break-up is also “of God.” But then, what we are in fact saying is, whatever unintentionally happens to us is “of God ” and whatever we choose intentionally is “of God,” resulting in the whole concept going out the window! If everything is specifically “of God,” then what is left to be not “of God?”

See how finicky this concept can be? See how it could cause one to second-guess and doubt and look for “signs” for greater clarity? 

I would like to propose a modus operandi which focuses on what is “of God” for us and our life as stated in Scripture. 

People use the term “of God” interchangeably with “God’s call” (usually in the very narrow context of “for my life, i.e. my spouse, my place of residence, my ministry, my job”). So let’s look at that. What is God’s call, and thus, “of God” for us? Here is some Scriptural clarification:

Colossians 3:1-3 – “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”

Colossians 3:5-10 – “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them. But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him—"

Colossians 3:12-17 – “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”

Colossians 3:23-24 – “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 – “With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

1 Peter 2:18-21 – “Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,”

1 Peter 3:8-12 – “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For,
“The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
 
 Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. 
 “He must turn away from evil and do good;
 
 He must seek peace and pursue it.
 “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
 
And His ears attend to their prayer, 

But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

2 Peter 1:1-11 – “Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours: Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Many Christians have gotten it backwards. They are preoccupied with finding the boyfriend/ girlfriend/spouse that is “of God,” or the job that is “of God,” or the country in which they will live as “of God” that they miss the real point “of God.” And it is this: to be conformed in likeness to Christ and to glorify Him.

Scripture does not teach, in my reading of it, there being one place carved out just for each of us, or one mate, language, university or career. Scripture guides us in how to be in relationship with the one we are married to, our children, the one we work with, and the authority over us and those we live amongst. To my knowledge, the Bible does not say “The Lord your God has chosen one woman just for you and you must spend your life finding her.” It also doesn’t say “The Lord your God has chosen one place for you to serve and you must discover what that is.” No. 

Scripture spends its time guiding us in how to be Christ-like in all circumstances. Aside from general guidelines on marriage (such as purity beforehand, the “call” to marry a Christian and abundant warnings in Proverbs about the kind of person not to marry), most of the discussion of marriage in Scripture is on how to be Christlike in the marriage in which we find ourself! 

Certainly we have the Holy Spirit to guide us. Jesus Himself said He would send the Counselor to guide us into all truth. And we can listen to the Holy Spirit, knowing that the Bible never prescribes “thee one” woman, man, friend, place, or ministry. We are to test whether the job, ministry position, potential boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is in line with Scripture and if the Holy Spirit is giving us peace about our decision.

The point being, that if we spent as much time realizing our “call” “of God” to become more and more Christ-like in our inner person, then all the outer decisions would fall much more organically into place. We would recognize what to do when we saw it because we would be spiritually mature.

Matthew 6:25-34 is the magnum opus of this idea:

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? 

You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”