The Journey of Being Christian

I became a Christian at age 38, which is now fifteen years ago. In that time, much dross has been squeezed out and I’ve been through many phases in living out my faith.

There was the “must go to church and be in a Bible study phase.” 

Then there was the “giving back” stage, where I took it upon myself to become involved in the Christian recovery movement. 

That led to being enthusiastically involved in evangelicalism: attending the local Lifest rally with all of its cool Christian bands and speakers. Co-mingled with that was a deep dive into conservative causes and politics.

And then, three years ago, I attended seminary. No, I didn’t lose my faith, as many do in the “higher study” of the Bible and God. In fact, I lost my phases. 

Attending seminary was my capstone, and I not only graduated with a certificate in Biblical Studies, but more importantly, the freedom to simply be a Christian.

I no longer consider myself an evangelical. 

I no longer involve myself with politics other than to listen to the presidential debates in order to make an informed decision at the polling booth. 

I no longer am motivated by the corporate church-imposed mantra to evangelize. 

I no longer attend Christian conferences and seminars. 

And I no longer attend a corporate church (I can’t stop attending church, because the Bible makes it clear that all Christians are the church, wherever we are and at all times.)

This trajectory away from corporate church and programming has grown my compassion, not lessened it.

It has tuned my attention to the insights of Scripture, now purified of a denominational or a pastor’s bent.

It has forced me to take seriously the command to be like Christ and not use excuses such as, “I may have sinned, but at least I’m in church every Sunday.”

I am becoming more other-centered, not less, and am moving from an individual spirituality to one that encompasses the often difficult people and situations I avoided by hanging out with like-minded Christians from my corporate church.

Seminary gave me a great gift: that of learning how to read my Bible. The only thing left now is to read it and live it.

Oh, I was loyal to my daily Bible reading during my past phases. But it didn’t always stick. In fact, in the daily things, like relationships, more often than not they continued to be tainted by obvious sin: impatience, ingratitude, frustration and animosity. The list goes on.

And sure, I may have been serving homeless people in soup kitchens; flying to Mexico and Arizona for mission trips; and participating in a Bible study. But I wasn’t living it in the nitty gritty of life. 

I wasn’t living it when my kids wanted to play Monopoly and I didn’t. 

I wasn’t living it when my reaction to conflict was the silent treatment. 

I wasn’t living it when I maligned people who were a threat (real or perceived) to me or my family. 

But I rang the bells for Salvation Army. I bought the kids of prisoners Christmas gifts. I wrote devotions for church ministries.

God, in his mercy, has admonished me that I must be Christian daily, that that is the only thing on which to hang my hat. 

That means forcing myself to learn to love others through actions, not feelings (hoping the feelings will follow). 

It is practicing grace in every situation and with every person, even those that have a negative history or present current challenges. It is remembering, always, that God forgave me first.

Corporate church, and all that goes with it, is neither here nor there to me. If one loves attending church and can remain free of the many ways corporate church tempts people to sin, great. And if one does not measure faith by worship attendance, wonderful. Many people have found warm, supportive, inspiring community in corporate church, along with Biblically-grounded teaching.

But many have not. Or they become easily distracted by church politics. And their faith, perhaps still being weak, does not grow strong in certain church atmospheres. Many are deceived that church attendance is the only prerogative in being a Christian. Many never get beyond church to personal sanctification. While Scripture does teach us to continue meeting together, it doesn’t define that meeting as the corporate church of today.

Being a Christian is up to me: not the pastor, the life group or the corporate church. 

I must hold myself accountable to God in living out what I read in Scripture and what the Holy Spirit is guiding me to. I have no one else to blame if I fail. The problem with “accountability partners” is that they aren’t with us in the heat of the moment. So what they become is confessionals. We, alone, must learn to hold ourselves accountable to God at all times, knowing that He sees and hears everything, even our thoughts.

This can be the model even if one continues attending church. 

It might be worthwhile to take a sabbatical from corporate church and para-church organizations just to see what it’s like when the rubber meets the road between just us, and God; to see what it’s like to not have a sermon, pastor, consistory, building committee or small group leader to complain about. It might be surprisingly revealing, for a change, to see just how much we place the blame for our own sinful thoughts, attitudes and actions on others, when in reality, the finger is pointing at us.

This is what I’ve discovered in making faith not about what I'm doing religiously “out there,” but instead making it about how I’m thinking, speaking and acting “in here.” And what I’ve discovered is, I have much work to do. But what I’ve also discovered is, that it’s finally begun.

copyright Barb Harwood

“One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.” Romans 14:5

“If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.” Romans 14:8-9

The Present-Day Dysfunction of Downton Abbey

If Downton Abbey has taught me anything, it is that families today are no different than families back in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. The financial and material prosperity of the Crawleys is irrelevant when it comes to family dynamics.

Violet Crawley—“Grandmama”—the matriarch, is an often biting gatekeeper. And when push comes to shove, she will do everything in her power to protect the family, even if it means attempting to force a granddaughter, Edith, to essentially give up her child by sending the child away to boarding school in order to preserve social standing and appearances.

The Crawleys have meddling and the sarcastic quip down to an art. When an indiscretion happens (or a perceived indiscretion), the family swarms. They get busy. Although their hands continue to have nothing to do, their minds and lips are working over time.

The same is true in families today. 

I marvel at the distant relatives who can suddenly insert themselves into a niece or nephew’s, cousin or sister or brother’s affairs, with the alacrity of a picnic in the park. They relish the "tsk-tsking," the shaking of the head and the “Can you believe it?” over their family member’s choices. Some even go so far as to take it upon themselves, uninvited and certainly not in the position of closeness or standing as say, a parent or best friend, to confront the perceived threat. It is their version of saving the world.

Crawleyesque dramas are created by family members who believe they must take ownership of family developments in order to create excitement in their own lives, and to satisfy their desire to deem their own existence as somehow superior. 

It is also a way to control. If one feels that their own life’s direction was compromised in the past, they believe it is up to them to control the path that other people take. And to be clear, control is not the same as guidance. Offering direction and guidance, when in a position to do so, is other-centered and completely confidential. Control is self-centered and indiscreet.

I’ve heard this sort of micro-management of others described as the nanny state, paternalism and helicopter parenting (only the pilot is not always the parents). 

I marvel at this boldness to insert one’s opinions and commentary on the lives of others (sometimes, but not always, under the auspices of “being concerned,” which is just another way of excusing gossip and landing a role in the drama).

I sense that such forwardness is often a result of being threatened by the choices of others; anything done outside of the culturally conditioned norm is anathema and “must be dealt with.” This is even more surprising when the supposed apostasy will in no way affect the chicken-little doomsayer who is running roughshod with their mouth.

By observing the Crawleys, I have come to realize that, sadly, family—God’s wonderful construct for support and grace, and yes, the occasional private admonishment or “speaking the truth in love” between appropriate parties (not to be pandered among other family members)—has been under attack since Adam and Eve. 

What better way to plant and feed animosity among family than to create busybodies who never learn to mind their own business and offer support where they can.

copyright Barb Harwood

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:36-37

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,” Romans1:29 (note how gossip is rated as wickedness right along with murder). 

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

“...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands...” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (in part)

“We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.” 2 Thessalonians 3:11

Speak With Conviction

Jesus Is Our Peace

Peace

by Henry Vaughan (1621-1695)

My Soul, there is a country
    Afar beyond the stars,
Where stands a winged sentry
    All skilful in the wars;
There, above noise and danger
    Sweet Peace sits, crown'd with smiles,
And One born in a manger
    Commands the beauteous files. 
He is thy gracious friend
    And (O my Soul awake!)
Did in pure love descend, 
    To die here for thy sake.
If thou canst get but thither,
    There grows the flow'r of peace,
The rose that cannot wither,
    Thy fortress, and thy ease.
Leave then thy foolish ranges,
    For none can thee secure,
But One, who never changes,
    Thy God, thy life, thy cure.



"For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit." Ephesians 2:14-18

Decide to Relinquish Bitterness

Relinquish is defined as “voluntarily cease to keep or claim; give up.”

Does that sound like something we can make up our minds to do? Yes.

Do we need to feel like doing it before we can decide to do it? No.

We can relinquish bitterness even if we don’t feel like it. 

Why? Because God tells us to. And when we get to the point in life where the only purpose is to please Him, we do what He would have us do through the power and name of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit in us.

Bitterness and forgiveness are linked. 

Some might say that I have not truly forgiven someone if I am still bitter. But I believe that bitterness is an aspect of hurt that can remain even after we forgive. If we forgive, but don’t take steps to deal with and get beyond the hurt, we will harbor bitterness. 

And bitterness takes up crucial space in our hearts and minds that Christian maturity is waiting to occupy.

Many of us hang on to bitterness like a security blanket. 

I believe this is because we are afraid of being doormats. We are afraid of not being respected. We are afraid of "it" (whatever "it" is) happening to us again. So we cover ourselves in the Teflon of bitterness. 

But let me ask: Does this Teflon truly protect us? Since we’ve been wearing it, has all hurt gone away? Has everyone acted respectfully towards us? Has our Teflon brought about the desired interactions with people? Has it flooded our inbox with apologies from others?

See, we have this warped idea that protecting ourselves with the nursing of old wounds will ensure that we are never hurt again. But that doesn’t work. While I’m over here, obsessing about “that one time,” here comes yet another "time" to whack me alongside the head. Here comes "Mr. or Mrs. Gets-Under-My-Skin" with their usual antics. They haven’t seemed to notice my bitterness. Or maybe my bitterness has made their antics even worse! 

The point is, now bitterness is piling on with every interaction. And we go home and stew. And we say, “Lord, I forgive him or her.” But then we hurt. And that’s where we get stuck: in the hurt.

Lou Priolo, in his short, 60-page booklet titled, Bitterness: The Root That Pollutes, writes:

“When you forgive, you are promising to no longer hold your offender’s trespasses against him. You are also promising to impute your forgiveness to him (much like Christ imputed His righteousness to you when you became a Christian)...When you promise not to impute your offender’s trespasses against him, you are promising to no longer charge him for what he has done. This means you are not going to allow yourself to dwell on the offense. You will refuse to cultivate those seeds of hurt, but rather will immediately pluck them out of the soil of your heart. You will relinquish all “rights” to get even.

When you promise to impute your forgiveness, you credit your offender’s account with your forgiveness, much like Christ credited your heavenly account with His righteousness. You make every effort to think well of him, to pray for him, and to speak well of him, if possible. This promise, to some extent, can be made in the form of a personal commitment in your heart even if your offender does not acknowledge his sins to you. This is what is sometimes referred to as “forgiving someone in your heart.” (see Mark 11:25).

That, to me, is the compelling reason to forgive and to move on from the hurt: because Christ forgives us every time we sin, when we repent; because He took upon Himself the Cross, in much pain and agony, in order to forgive us. To be sure, though our pain may be great, it compares nothing to what Christ experienced.

When I remember my own sin against others (which is always against God too), and the pain I myself have inflicted, I wonder how I could ever harbor a grudge, nurse a wound, or form a hardened heart. As a mom, I have sinned. As a wife, I have sinned. As a daughter, I have sinned. Am I holding others to a standard I myself have not yet attained?

Lest we think, “Yeah, but....how do I protect myself going forward?” Lou Priolo, in his book, addresses this:

“Forgiveness is not the same as trust. If someone sins against you, it is incumbent upon you as a Christian to forgive that person as you have been forgiven by God in Christ (cf. Matt. 18:21-35). However, it is incumbent upon that person to earn back the trust he lost as a result of his sin. Forgiveness should be immediate. Trust may take time (see Matt. 25:14-31; Luke 16:10-12). But please be warned: to withhold trust after it has been earned is unloving. The Bible says that ‘love believes all things’ (1 Cor. 13:7). This means that if we love someone, in the absence of hard evidence to the contrary, we will put the best possible interpretation on what he does—in this case, believing that the fruit of repentance he has brought forth is genuine. And whether or not you are able to quickly trust your offender, you must always trust God to work through him and to protect you from danger.”

If the person is not a believing Christian, pray that God would get their attention. I always say, you can’t expect non-Christians to act like Christians. And sadly, due to our fallen-ness, even Christians will not always act like Christians.

Lou Priolo assures us that the answer to all of this is to trust God: with our hurt (trust that He sees it and can heal it); and our future protection (to overcome evil with good). 

Nothing escapes God. Others may behave poorly and unfairly. God sees that. However, God calls us, His children, to a higher standard: the standard spelled out in His Word and prompted by the Holy Spirit in us. We need to set our radio dial to God, not the world and people around us, and tune in to Him alone. Only then can we be sure that, come what may, we are not part of the problem. And bitterness will not take root.

copyright Barb Harwood

"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:29-32

"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15

Instagram Husband

The husband in this video could be anyone: wife, son, daughter, boy-or-girlfriend. 

One person's response to watching this was that first they laughed, but then they cried. Nothing like humor to hit a point home (please forgive the use of one expletive). 

What I wonder about most is the children who are the constant focus of Facebook write-ups and Instagram photo-shoots. Have we asked their permission? And what is the developmental result of constantly being on stage for mom or dad, not to mention the wider world? Where has all the privacy gone?

Maybe this year, we bring back the old film camera, and when the 12 or 36 exposures are used up, we put the camera away and live out what will become future memories, not stage them. And they will be our very own memories: intimate, close, meaningful to us, and meant for us, not the world. 

Driven by Indignation?

Here is a great quote from author Tom Wolfe that I believe would be beneficial to keep in mind as we listen to, and discuss, political candidates this season:

     "I make a distinction between intellectuals and people of intellectual achievement...
      An intellectual feeds on indignation and really can't get by without it...An intellectual is a person who is knowledgeable in one field but speaks out only in others." Tom Wolfe