Can We Really "Do Anything We Set Our Mind To"?

This quote from Dr. Kathy Koch appeared in the article Children of the Kingdom by Jamie A. Hughes in the June, 2012 edition of In Touch magazine:

"...success is being obedient and glorifying God rather than ourselves. I always tell people, 
'You were created on purpose with a purpose,' 
which is to become who they were designed by their Creator to be and to have a dynamic relationship with Jesus. That's the definition of success we should be instilling." Dr. Kathy Koch


At the end of the movie Finding Dory, Dory's mom says, 

“It means you can do whatever you put your mind to."

This, I believe, is a sad, misleading and false teaching which is the current downfall of many people--children and adults alike. 

I was raised in the floodlights of the self-esteem movement. Not only did I come away with the admonition that I absolutely and unequivocally can do "whatever I set my mind to," I came away with an even stronger sense that "whatever I set my mind to" had to be something "different," "famously great," and "worldly significant."

But by whose standards? 

The standards of the experts, which, for me being a woman, were the women's liberationists who collectively shunned the choice to be a wife and mother. Oh, they were okay with a girl wanting to get married and have children, and they were okay with getting married and having children. They just weren't okay with, and would never endorse choosing to be a wife and mother as a first choice that came before and in place of all other choices. 

So unless I went into a career previously open only to men, or unless I pursued an occupation outside of the home, I was anathema, a sell-out, and short-changing not only myself, but everything women have attained to this date. 

But in reality, I always wanted to be an at-home mom. And I always wanted to find a man to share my life with. And when that happened, I carried the warring factions within me for several years: the battle between my innate, pure desire to choose the career of creating, building and guiding a family and the opposing force of feeling "less-than" as a woman because of that desire. 

See, for the women's liberationist ideology that permeated my formation into adulthood, "you can be whatever you put your mind to" does not include being a wife and mother first. 

When I became a Christian, I discovered the high calling of God in being a wife and mother, and in fact, gained more sense of personhood than the women's movement could ever give (a movement which, in reality, completely obliterated any sense of self).

There are other results of the "you can do whatever you set your mind to" propaganda: failure and recklessness.

Failure, because when we attempt to “do anything and everything” and fail, we become frustrated, angry, depressed, disenfranchised and demotivated. Meanwhile, what we are truly inclined towards; what we would be good at and become better at and what we enjoy, spoils on the counter of ignorance. 

The "whatever you put your mind to" mantra is reckless in the same way that faith healers blame the absence of healing on a person's lack of faith: "If you would have just believed it, it would have happened."

The same goes for leading a young person on that they can be an astronaut when in reality, they don't have the math aptitude to pull it off. Or pumping up an interest to pursue opera singing when a person just doesn't have the vocal chords. 

At what point does “don’t give up” become foolishness and unnecessary risk? Is stopping the doing of something always “giving up?” Is deciding it's better to not continue to proceed in a certain direction always “giving up?” Is deciding it's better to not even begin going down a certain path "giving up"? 

What is so wrong with accepting normal, healthy limitations: limitations that will direct us to what we are naturally gifted towards? Why set people up for failure, not to mention the endless wading through potential options? 

If "the sky's the limit" of what we can do, how do we begin to narrow down the options? How much of our time and money do we invest indulging our every whim because we were reassured every step of the way that "we can do it!"

It's time to stop giving credence to this ideology. 

Especially if we are raising, teaching or mentoring children and students, we do best to heed the truth of 1 Peter 4:10:

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

And if that gift is being a wife and mother, faithfully administering that office, then that is as legitimate as administering the gift of science, art or business. 

When God is at the helm, and we are in the dynamic relationship with Jesus mentioned above, we and our children will navigate our choices with the clarity of heart and mind that only God can give. And although the world may not see it as success, it doesn't matter, because God has made known to us what true success is. 

"So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, 'If you continue in my Word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.'" John 8:31-31

Evidence? or Opinion

Journalist and Christian apologist Lee Strobel:

"Many people are picking and choosing what they want to believe about Jesus, discarding the more difficult teachings about sin, repentance or the doctrine of hell and instead merely focusing on the love of Jesus, the forgiveness of Jesus. They are coming up with their own versions of Jesus that may not bear any resemblance to the real Jesus. It's called syncretism--the piecing together of various beliefs, many of them New Age beliefs, and creating their own 'stew' of beliefs about God and Jesus Christ. 

The problem with that is that it's really irrelevant what you or I think about Jesus. I am free to believe that Jesus was a magician who used ancient incantations from Egyptian rites and was married to Mary Magdalene and had a family and never rose from the dead and who taught that we're really gods, not sinners who need forgiveness. But that does not mean my beliefs are true. The question is, who is Jesus? Our role ought to be to discover what the evidence tells us about His identity and His teachings and His claims, not to come up with our own concoction of who we wish He were."

Lee Strobel, in an interview published in the November, 2007 edition of Decision magazine. 

The Sadness in a "Happy" Dinner Conversation

Over the weekend my husband and I went out to dinner at a cozy Chicago French restaurant. The windows were flung open wide to the rainy twilight, and jazz music wafted above the patrons. The mood was light and cheery: friends chatting; soft laughter; pleasant waiters. About 25 minutes into this “life is good” vibe, the two ladies at the table next to ours began talking politics (the proverbial sound of the phonograph needle sliding across vinyl).

They appeared to be in their late 60’s and 70’s, and must have found it difficult to hear one another, as they were talking loud enough for my husband and I to hear their every word (and the tables were relatively close to one another).

“I’m going to vote pro-choice,” one of the women stated.

“I mean, it’s really important to me to vote pro-choice,” she reiterated.

“Yes,” the other agreed.

The blessed appearance of our waiter, and enjoyable conversation with my husband did their best to over-ride and block out the ladies’ ensuing political discourse, but I could sense my blood pressure at an elevated level ever since hearing the words “pro-choice.”

How wonderful, I thought, for these two ladies: one, I overheard, a political contender herself when her child was just one-year-old, and another a career lawyer now retired (seriously, it was as if they were sitting at our table, and while I tried not to listen, I did have to stop talking to my husband long enough to chew my food, and he also).

Now in retirement, they were exchanging tales of travel adventures, playing in the orchestra and taking philosophy classes. One had just purchased a new home. Yes, how wonderful that they, advocating for abortion in their ever-enlightened positions, could so easily look down their noses at the opportunity for another to live life to their fullest also.

No doubt their argument, as I’ve so often heard it from others like themselves, is that “most children who are aborted would never get the opportunities we did because of the extenuating circumstances of the mother.”

Establishing their own marker of quality of life, they actually think that some children are better off not being born, and more specifically, that all mothers who choose abortion are better off for not having had the child (no encumberment, inconvenience, perceived risk of embarrassment or being “tied down.”)

These two women implied a self-satisfied surety that abortion as a way to eliminate obstacles to education, achievement and self-actualization for the woman is perfectly legitimate (what always amazes me is that they never consider the female babies who are aborted and who are thus deprived of the “women’s rights” so many women profess).

So these advocates of “choice” (for the adult female, not the male or female baby) sip their Merlot and talk about plans for exploring Iceland and the thought life of Plato, all the while nibbling the crème brulee planted in the middle of the table between them.

Ironically, their conversation came to an awkward end when one of the ladies said, rather flatfootedly, to the one who recently retired,

“I hope you live for a while.”

I almost choked. Here she was wishing a long life on her friend who seemed perfectly healthy and nowhere near death (as the comment would seem to assume) while at the same time having just agreed minutes ago that negating any further life for a baby already on the beginning of his or her journey is something to base one’s voting record on.

These two ladies would most assuredly say they, themselves, are deserving of life, and are going to great lengths to extend it through healthy eating, exercise and brain-challenging activities such as travel and university extension classes.

What they completely miss is that someone, i.e. their mothers, valued each of these women’s lives while they were each yet in their mother’s wombs; these two women have lived and can aim for continuing long lives now because they received the opportunity to do so.

And yet...and yet they would deny others the same, not reluctantly but proudly, righteously and with devout conviction that it is the enlightened stance.

I mourn every young girl who has been and is being influenced by this false liberation dogma of “You can always have an abortion; in fact it’s your right” promoted by women who, by all appearances, come across as discerning, educated and cultured. Ironically, it is often this same propaganda that leads young girls and women to promiscuity in the first place. 

The ladies at the table next to us got up to leave, parting ways on the sidewalk outside. The streetlights were on and the crescent moon rising above the Chicago skyline to the east.

I thought of my grandma, attending college in the 1920’s, becoming a teacher and then beginning her life as a mother in her late thirties and early forties. She didn’t leave anything behind to be a mother and wife at home, building a family. She was a teacher who then became a stay-at-home mom. Motherhood was another stage in life for her, not a death-knell. Motherhood was a continuation, not an ending, of her living a fulfilled life. And that is exactly what she did: lived life to the fullest, sharing it with her husband, two children and all nine of her grandchildren who continue to consider her our heroine to this very day.

Not only that, my grandma kept a Bible on the table next to her couch. She was a woman with a college degree, yes, but even more importantly, she was a woman with wisdom: wisdom that the two ladies in the French restaurant lack, and, I believe, are still searching for. I hope that one day, they find it.

Sin is an Empowering Word: Part 2

Sin. It is the cause of the guilt we feel after we drink too much and too often. It is our insecurity. It is the arbiter of gossip, pornography, wasting time, laziness, do-nothingness, maligning others, back-stabbing, lying, over-spending, yelling at our children, sending nasty emails, grouchiness, nosiness, entitlement and having either too low or too high of a regard for ourselves. Sin is our own estimation of everything: what we do, think, say or feel. Sin is there. It is here. In the world. And in us. Whether we know it or not.

And when we finally understand this, the “aha” moment of why, after so many years of trying, we can never get out of ourselves by ourselves becomes clear:

“I can’t fix me when I deny I need fixing. And I can’t fix me when I am the problem. Only Jesus can fix me.”

But to say that we need fixing rubs folks the wrong way, in spite of the fact that they will be the first to sign up for the meditation class or the “Find Your Inner Whatever Seminar,” or binge on parenting books and gobble up New Age tomes like The Secret, The Power of Now and Creative Visualization.

Sometimes folks will fail to acknowledge that they are even remotely any part of the dysfunction and malaise in their life (or the lives of others) and will instead job-hop, city-hop, spouse-hop; place their hope in lottery ticket purchases; read horoscopes; become workaholics; distract themselves with television (including televised sports); take drugs; drink alcohol; play the victim; or spend money to make themselves feel better.

Often the tentacles of our inner dystopia extend to strangle others too: we become enablers, manipulators and schemers. We divert attention off of ourselves by controlling, demanding, “helping,” “saving” and meddling in the lives of others.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can make a choice:

“If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve:...but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15, in part)

And the people in Joshua decided:

“Far be it from us that we should forsake the LORD to serve other gods;...” (Joshua 24:16, in part)

Anything we serve other than God is a false god; an idol. So our self-righteousness is the idolizing of ourselves. Yelling at our kids is the idolizing of ourselves. Blaming everything on the boss or the spouse is the idolizing of ourselves. The sin we adhere to and refuse to agree with God regarding can result in idolatry: of ourselves, a material item or another person.

In 1 John 1, however, we discover how the acknowledgement of sin can empower us:

“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess ours sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.” 1 John 1:5-2:6.

If we deny sin—generally or specifically in our own heart, mind, body and soul—then God’s word has no place in our life. Which is why, when we don’t believe in sin, we can’t believe in Christ because we either have no need of a Savior, or because we see our shortcomings in secular-human terms and thus appoint ourselves, a job, an identity or another human to be our savior. And that results in our giving carte blanche to sin (sin gets the upper hand even though we may not believe in it).

In my case, once I believed in sin, a belief in and desire for Christ came almost instantly. And any and all maturity and developing integrity in my life has, and does, derive directly from His Holy Spirit and the absorbing of His Word.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Sin is an Empowering Word: Part 1

All of us know there is something amiss within us. And although society and the self-esteem movement would have us think otherwise, we all, like Miss Clavel in the story Madeline, know that,

“Something is not right. Something is quite wrong.”

Why else would self-improvement seminars, life-coaches and counseling for individuals, marriages and families continue to thrive?

Grit by Angela Duckworth is number five on the New York Times Best Sellers, and has been on the list for nine weeks.

One review of her book states that, thanks to the author, “social and emotional education appears on public school lesson plans throughout the country,” and her book teaches “the cultivation of tenacity.”

In order for this book, and thousands like it, to sell so well, the purchasing public must be admitting that something is, in fact, lacking.

Yet I would surmise that the truth still isn’t going to be revealed in Duckworth’s (or the thousands like it) book, because although “tough love” is apparently promoted, God’s-love isn’t. And although people’s shortcomings will inevitably be pointed out, sin will not.

In the book of Romans we find this truth:

“But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:21-23

I grew up in a denomination that does not believe in sin.

Around the time I turned 38, the Lord began to open my eyes to the false teachings I had been fed, and He used, among other things, a Godly man on a Christian radio station.

I tuned in every day at 9:00 am to listen to this Biblical pastor’s teaching, and was soon sitting with a notebook, writing down almost everything he said. One day, as this man was explaining sin, I stared out the window, and, in inner exclamation, became suddenly cognizant:

“That’s my problem! Sin! Sin is my problem!”

I mark that moment as one of the most empowering of my life. I soon came to fully grasp that not only is sin my nemesis, but Jesus is the conqueror.

Finally, the years of inner disquiet and self-loathing—and my single-handed attempts to eradicate them via self-help books, Taoist ideology, women’s liberation dogma and self-actualization, were over. The cage door was opened as I took Jesus’ hand to freedom.

copyright Barb Harwood

(Part 2 of this post will appear tomorrow, July 13, 2016)