Realistic Hope for This Current Day

 

Hope: we all need it. 

Sustenance for the heart, hope beats through our veins, erasing the limits and downfalls of the past and sketching in fresh rough drafts of potential for today.

A warm morning air that fills our lungs with the vibrancy of all things new, forgiven now of God and ourselves, we no longer cloud that forgiveness through an obsessive focus on the lack of forgiveness from another person or persons. 

Instead, we deeply inhale and gratefully take in that the forgiveness from two out of three isn’t bad; in fact, it’s the greater of the three to be forgiven by God and ourselves (how can we accept forgiveness from others even if it does come if we haven't received the other two first? It would be like putting water into a pail with holes). 

With great humility we soberly understand that the reality of life is that those two forgivenesses are the only ones in our power to seek, find and redeem. Though we seek forgiveness from others, it may never, and often more than likely, never come. 

And so in hope, we live the truth that we have been and are and always will be forgiven by God, thus enabled to always forgive ourselves too.

In that hope, we are the most gentle and fascinated of beings, with the utmost compassion for the individuals who hold unforgiveness towards us—a wretched state of being we know all too well because we too have been unforgiving, and we know its misery fed by its source and motivation—pride built upon years of storing up wrongs and insecurities based on what the world (not God) thinks of us. 

We know how much that hurts, and how it makes us lash out at others in defensiveness and animosity, holding people forever accountable.

In that state of being lies a total lack of hope—in God and ourselves. 

Hope then, is hope in God which permeates deep down into our soul, nurturing hope in ourselves for ourselves, which emanates outward in an objective, practical outlook and manner which doesn’t resort to the false hope of illogical and often self-centered, wishful thinking. 

It is a hope that is not expectant when it comes to other people, but peaceful and clear-eyed, not pie in the sky. 

Hope is a serious matter of knowing from Who it derives and how, and forgoing the often inadequate lofty platitudes (most of which people neither truly adhere to or admire in others) or the vindictive "should's" of the world and opting instead to thrive in the strength of a quiet and confident meekness. 

Hope is not about putting faith in the impossible, as in hoping for people to change. 

Hope is putting faith in the realistically possible: as in hoping for ourself to change in the power and presence of God, Jesus and His Spirit, through whom all blessings have always and only truly flowed.

Copyright Barb Harwood

The Do That Follows the If

 

In Comedian James Corden's last hosting of The Late Late Show, he addressed divisiveness--and its solution--in a very few, and beautiful, words:

"There are so many people who are trying to stoke those differences and we have to try as best we can to look for the light, look for the joy. If you do, it’s out there."

It's the "if" that is always the clincher, isn't it?

And only a person open to a progressing maturation process of consistently digging to get to the bottom of the logs in our own eyes will be willing to choose--and actually prefer--the "do" that follows the "if."




copyright Barb Harwood

The Always Present Reality of Faith

 

The following quote is by Sharon Salzberg, writing in her book, Faith:

“Faith enables us, despite our fear, to get as close as possible to the truth of the present moment, so that we can offer our hearts fully to it, with integrity. We might (and often must) hope and plan and arrange and try, but faith enables us to be fully engaged while also realizing that we are not in control, and that no strategy can ever put us in control, of the unfolding of events. Faith gives us a willingness to engage life, which means the unknown, and not to shrink  back from it. 

The English word “courage” has the same etymological root as the French coeur, which means “heart.” To have courage, just as to have faith, is to be full of heart. With courage we openly acknowledge what we can’t control, make wise choices about what we can affect, and move forward into the uncultivated terrain of the next moment.

So it is with faith."    Sharon Salzberg    

Have We Ever Thought About It?

I think maturity begins when we no longer repeat, and unquestioningly buy-into, the “things we’ve always heard.”

Copyright Barb Harwood

Giving Up Controlling Tendencies

What does it mean to give up control?

It took me a while to think this through. And what came to mind is that control is tied to relevance. 

So, as long as I am contributing, I am feeding my need to be relevant—to be of use, to have purpose, to be needed.

And control is the worst kind of contributing.

But, one might ask, no matter how bad a controlling tendency can be, wouldn't it be worse to lose relevancy? 

Many of us must think so, since many of us have a controlling tendency or two (or three or four!)

But what if, in fact, relevancy is not tied to control? What if, in actuality, relevancy is negated through control?

If that’s the case, and I now believe it to be, then the very thing I’ve been afraid of losing by giving up control is or already has been lost!

So then relevancy isn’t tied to control—it’s tied to giving up control.

That’s because when the irritating habit of control is removed, respect, and maybe even admiration—relevance—can take its place.

Why is control so damaging to relevance?

Because control, when it comes down to it, is narcissistic.

It demands to be involved, to be heard, to be listened to and allowed admittance. Even when it doesn’t know best, or have all the answers, control still wants a piece of the action; to not be left out. That’s where control’s “two cents worth” comes in. And that’s two cents too much for most people. And that’s why controlling people never gain the relevance they hope for.

But what if control surrendered?

What if control said, “I’m retiring. I’m done. I’m outta here.”

What will be demanded in its place?

Well, nothing. Because control by its very nature is the thing that demands. 

Absent of control, we are free from the narcissism of needing to be needed, and the inner demand to be perceived as superior, knowledgeable, and right. 

We no longer thirst for acknowledgement, gratitude, influence or other people’s submission.

We remove ourselves from the equation that is other people’s lives. 

And if we are ever asked for help or advice, we respond within the singular boundary of that specific inquiry or instance—nothing more. We do not volunteer more of ourselves than is desired by the other person.

Once we understand control as a narcissistic trait, we can begin to disarm it through discerning our motivations. 

Why am I buying these unasked-for clothes for my grandchild?

Why am I suggesting solutions or trying to fix people’s problems when all they want is for me to listen quietly? 

Why am I jumping in to help when those around me are more than capable of solving a problem on their own (such as finding the large soup spoon in the utensil drawer without my getting it for them?)

We can also begin to watch for instances of control in others as a way to detect it more clearly in ourselves: 

When we see another spouse correcting their partner over petty details.

When one sibling interrupts and takes over another sibling’s conversation at a family gathering.

When a mom becomes short with her child because the cookies or cake aren’t being decorated “just so.”

When a co-worker admonishes another co-worker for putting the plastic cups to the right of the water cooler instead of to the left.

When a bitter argument grows out of a mundane mishap. 

Being on the lookout for control in others is one way to point the finger right back at ourselves and admit, “I do that too.”

But then to also seriously admit:

“I no longer want to ‘do that too!’”

That’s when we know we are ready to exchange the low self-esteem of narcissistic control for the quiet, mature confidence of humbly letting go.

That means we allow other people to make their own mistakes; we remain silent when not consulted; we don’t show up with unwanted gifts and items; we don’t make rude and critical comments about the way someone else is completing a task, raising their children or running their household. 

And in all of it, we acknowledge and accept that we are not our parents and they are not us; we are not our children and they are not us; and we are not our spouse and they are not us. 

In addition, there is rarely just one way of doing anything, and most actions and activities could be accomplished without any commentary at all. 

When we give up control, we opt instead for respect—respect, and trust, that others are capable and worthy and can do just fine without our input. 

And we’re just fine with that. 

Copyright Barb Harwood 

Peter Furler on Money, Fame and Attention

 

“There was a comedian I was reading yesterday, and he was talking about how if money doesn’t have you and fame doesn’t have you, you might be alright. ’Cause they’re like a fire; they’re never satisfied. I think one of the biggest drugs we have on the planet is attention, and that’s a tough one. If you can wean yourself off that one, I think life’s better. And money too, that’s the other thing.”

Peter Furler, Singer, Songwriter and Producer

Acting in the Bias of Self Only

 

Are people of non-faith free from the objective reality that they, too, are hypocrites, evangelists to their cause, narrow minded, dogmatic, naive, and dishonest? 

Of course not. They are just as complicit as people of faith.

Individuals and groups do all sorts of bad things when they claim they are any number of identities. 

But in reality, when people do hurtful, evil things, they do them in the name of themselves only, regardless of what they pay lip service to verbally.

People can blame God for any number of infractions, but in the end, it isn’t God, but people, who misbehave, commit the crimes and lack integrity.

Copyright Barb Harwood