Step Away From the Ego

Yesterday I wrote about one’s having a too high of a regard for one's self. 

One might contend that, however off-putting this trait, it is not a sin. Let’s go to Scripture to test that theory:

“For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.” Romans 12:3 (I encourage the reading of the entire chapter).

The Bible is our personal accountability in which we find the expectations and warnings of God on how we are to live and how we are not to live; how we are to be and not to be; in short, how we are to abide in Christ at all times.

Certainly nobody pulls this off perfectly. But in order to be able to even begin, we must go to the beginning, Jesus Christ and His Word. And the more we find ourselves there, the less we will live in, and from, in here.

Okay, so we know we ought not to have a high self-regard. But what actually is it and what is its cause? 

In yesterday’s post I gave examples of how it might manifest in daily life.

Today, we’ll get into the backstory of how and why it occurs.

The website, GotQuestions.org provides some excellent insight when it ties a high self-regard to the ego:

"Egotism is an excessive focus or occupation with oneself driven by an inflated sense of self-importance. Egoism is a preoccupation with oneself yet may be without the inflated self-importance. Egoism also refers to the belief that self-interest is the motivation for and/or the valid end of all action. The human tendency toward being an egotist/egoist is no surprise from a biblical perspective. It is also something the Bible speaks against, and God soundly dealt with egotists such as King Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4).

At the root of egotism is self. Egotism is ultimately driven by pride and thinking oneself worthy of the utmost attention or capable of complete self-sufficiency. At times, an egoist may be motivated by past hurt. Betrayal, abuse, or abandonment may cause a person to believe he must always look out for himself—because no one else will. Rather than trust others, someone who has been hurt may isolate herself and believe she can only trust herself. Though not pride as we would generally conceive of it, this is still an unbiblical stance that raises self to the status of a god.

Philippians 2:1–11 is one passage that speaks to egotism. Verses 3–4 say, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” We are to look to the interests of others based on the example of Jesus Christ, who, though He is God, humbled Himself to live a human life and die a humiliating death in our stead. In both the Old and New Testaments, followers of God are called to humility; we are not to have an over-inflated sense of self-importance. Humility is not self-debasement or a lack of confidence. Being humble does not mean that we neglect our own needs or uphold no boundaries. Rather, humility is having an accurate estimation of oneself wherein we think of ourselves less often. We are not preoccupied with ourselves; rather, we see and care about the needs of others. We are willing to sacrifice our own preferences for the benefit of others.

Christians understand that serving self is not the highest goal." GotQuestions.org

Some examples of how to put this kind of humility into practice in day-to-day interactions could be:

Listen and do not interrupt

Ever notice the tendency for one person in a conversation to begin speaking before the other person has completely stopped talking?

Listening is not an end in itself

We also must hear what is said. And to hear what is said, we have to want to hear what is said. And to want to hear what is said, we have to value the speaker. We have to respect the speaker whether we respect what they are saying or not.

Respond

Then we must respond, what? Not to our self, but to the other person!

When someone has finished talking, what often happens is that we react from a position and mindset of self. So if the person just divulged a plan for how to approach a project at work, we jump in and, ignoring their plan altogether, launch into our plan.

Or, because we have our own plan waiting in the wings, we verbally negate their plan in lieu of ours. 

Instead, it is better to take time to play back what was said, highlight the potential positives and negatives of the plan, and then weave some ideas we may have into that. We work with the other person in cooperation, versus commandeering the project.

Listening, hearing and responding are the first steps in subordinating the ego to the leadership of a humble spirit. These three actions can be applied in every relationship, and are just as valuable with children as with adults.

Dismantling the ego as defined above will test our patience and our ability to let go of a critical spirit. It will pain us to share our importance with others. It will feel as though we are being diminished. But we are not. 

Our importance, along with other people’s importance, is actually enhanced (and even that can sometimes be difficult to swallow, because it is humanly counterintuitive: we have been trained to be the important one, from self-esteem movements, to Facebook bragging rights, to one-upping with material possessions).

The world sends a mixed message: “Let’s all be kind to and tolerant of one another” but “you and your individual rights are the most important in the world.”

Humility can overcome these rather intimidating barriers. But how?

More on that in a future post...

Copyright Barb Harwood