Reacting vs Responding: A Chart

A few days ago, on January 31, I wrote about responding vs. reacting.  As a brief continuation of that, I have come up with a chart that juxtaposes the two behaviors. 

Here it is:

Reacting = flesh

Responding = Spirit

Reacting = loud

Responding = gentle, soft

Reacting = loss of perspective

Responding = perspective of Christ

Reacting = situations/people control me

Responding = the Holy Spirit is allowed to put me in a right spirit of Godliness and self-control (even when all around me is losing control)

Reacting = What I have to say

Responding = listening and hearing others

Reacting = forgets one's tone of voice and facial expression

Responding = kind or neutral facial expression, even if in a serious or highly contentious situation

Reacting = subjective

Responding = objective

Reacting = we’re at odds with one another

Responding = we’re in this together and can find common ground or reach a compromise

Reacting = separates

Responding = brings respect that, though we may not become best friends, we are connected in treating one another with respect. 

A word about respect: 

If respect is not reciprocated, we respect the other person's choice to not show respect and to reap the consequences of that behavior. 

As parents, for example, if our children do not respect us, we cannot force them to. But we can lovingly set consequences for them when they actively live out disrespect. 

In other words, our kids don’t have to respect us, the family, or house rules, but they are not free to act upon that disrespect by hurting us or others, be it in word or deed. Acting out will incur consequences. So I will add here that responding to acted-out disrespect lovingly—always lovingly—means holding accountable. 

Reacting, on the other hand, greets active disrespect dysfunctionally: it entrenches a futile cycle of yelling and enabling in which we only partially--or not at all--hold the disrespectful one accountable. And often, that accountability is not dished out in love, but in hurt or anger.

Reacting = self-righteous

Responding = other-centered love out of the righteousness of God

Reacting = me

Responding = Christ

copyright Barb Harwood

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20