Taking Control of Our Conversations

One way we can honestly "make the world a better place" is to stop constantly finding fault with it in our conversations.

If we really want to, and train ourselves in doing it, we can become naturals at applying the brakes mid-thought in order to catch ourself from spinelessly going along with the complaining tenor of a group conversation.

We can do this by replacing the negative comment we were going to pile on with to a positive statement, or, think better of saying anything at all and remain silent.

The key is the “really wanting to” part, and the noticing of how much of how we talk is mere habit, and bad habit at that.

I’m increasingly finding, as I’ve been sitting back and observing more objectively, that the tendency to join in with, enable, or proffer my own rather dramatic tone on a topic is incredibly easy—if not expected. 

I’ve noticed how negative comments spoken about the world or other people, and the intentional bringing up of dour news (often gleaned from i-Phones held in one’s hand at the social gathering) is more common than the alternative of verbalizing sentiments of gratefulness, respect, appreciation and goodness.

I find that lately, when I am in the company of an Eeyore-infused Holding-of-Court by a group or individual, I increasingly find it awkward and distasteful, and don’t like myself afterward. Especially because I see now how often I have personally perpetrated histrionic perspective and details in past conversations.

So, in the hope of training myself to “not go there,” I’ve taken up the practice of the art of changing the subject—a very delicate art, to be sure, when in the company of vociferous malcontents. 

The way I’ve been able to summon the confidence to do this, though, is through the epiphany that, just because someone brings up politics, or begins griping about a relative or boss, doesn’t mean I have to become complicit, or volunteer similar gripes of my own.

And if my gentle steering into more constructive, “the sky is not actually falling” dialogue is not well-received, or even resented, I’m finally at the place of logically being okay with that: because if their initiating of constant handwringing is okay for them (regardless of what others think), my not going there, and instead countering with a more positive direction, is also okay for me (regardless of what others think).

We can’t control or change other people, but we can control and change ourself. 

Our attitude, approach, and what comes out of our mouth is the only thing we can take charge of one hundred percent. And when we do, we are no longer allowing other people to control us with negative, fault-finding comments that set a tone and perception that is often unnecessary and almost always tainted with sour grapes, boredom or bias. 

We find that the way the world looks to them, doesn’t have to—and oftentimes does not—look that way to us. 

Copyright Barb Harwood