As I reflect over the past 16 years of being a person born
anew in Jesus, and as I consider the trajectories and landings of others, I am
convinced more and more of the sovereignty of God in the salvation and spiritual
maturing of each person.
Whether we, or our children, were raised in a “Christian
home” (and the endless definitions of what that constitutes), or whether we
never held a Bible in our hands or crossed the threshold of a church, God is
sovereign.
And I believe, as I reflect more on this, that one of the
stumbling blocks those of us who have come to accept Christ as our
Lord and Savior mistakenly set up for others, as well as for ourselves, is that
we replace a man-centered secular ideology with a man-centered “Christian” walk.
What I mean is that we engage in Christian activities that
revolve around Christ, or point to Christ: whether it be the sorts
of sermons we gravitate towards, the youth groups we invest in or the schools
we send our kids to.
I think back on all the energy and time I dedicated to my
kids showing up at youth group, being in church and even attending a Christian
school, and I realize that where all of those endeavors fell short was the fact
that we were doing these things because we thought this is what a real Christian does.
I am not ungrateful for the Christian Bible study I attended,
the Christian school my children enrolled in, or the Godly pastor I listened to
on Christian radio. Those were places God led me and my family when I did not
yet even believe in Jesus Christ.
That was how God exposed me to His truth and set me on His
path. I am forever grateful.
What I am talking about—and perhaps what I
am talking about can only happen after all of the man-centered Christian
striving—but what I am now talking about is that, once I began the road of
Christ, I walked it as I saw others walking it, not as Christ.
Therefore, the activities I’ve already mentioned, in
addition to a growing interest in politics and social issues, un-checked by
Christ, bred in me a strong spiritual pride.
It forced an outward regeneration more than an inward one.
Perhaps it was inevitable I go through that in order to get where
I am today: in Christ alone and Him in me.
Now that sounds very grand. But in fact, it’s pretty pared
down.
Sixteen years in to living with Christ, I’ve finally shed
the spiritual striving: the verbal sharing of faith on my terms and timing (not
God’s); the being in church because I think it’s what God requires of me
(regardless of whether or not church today is even remotely what Jesus had in
mind) and the end of following certain pastors and Christian authors like a
groupie.
I now understand that I was living for Christ in a
me-centered, man-pleasing manner. I wanted to measure up to the outward
Christian expectations I witnessed around me, and those verbalized to me from
“mature” Christians. I was all about doing my best in the Christian world.
That is why I believe that, although I was truly saved and
had begun
to mature in Christ, I still lived repeatedly in known sin: such as impatience,
defensiveness, unforgiveness and a lack of healing and victory over childhood
issues that continued to trip me up.
Yes, I had freedom from alcohol, which was a fantastic
launch. God used that struggle to ultimately break me and bring me to the end
of myself. But the building of Christ in my life was stunted by, once I was
saved, me attempting to build Christ in my life.
It is an inside-out turnaround, now living Christ versus
living for Him.
Relationships are healing, trust in God alone is undergirding, Christ
is providing compassionate perspective on other people and insight on their
struggles, healthier responses to situations are forthcoming, interaction with
others is easier and more desired, and emotional and mental maturation is
taking shape. It is Christ, not man, who lives and trusts and
loves first.
As the “Christian world” recedes, Christ, indeed, looms
large.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Philippians 1:21
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