Anyone who has been a parent, or has had to supervise
children in any capacity, knows that sometimes, to keep children safe—either
from others, dangerous natural situations or from their own developmental
immaturity and lack of discernment—discipline is required.
We don’t casually sit back and watch as a three-year-old
toddles closer and closer to vehicular traffic.
We don’t wave at a child about
to jump from a too high structure.
We don’t shrug our shoulders when a child
elects to eat only pop tarts and potato chips.
And we don’t say “Oh well, whatever”
when those under our charge steal, blow-off their chores, physically hurt
someone, lie, use foul language or strut around the house in a belligerent
attitude.
In essence, we don’t let youth get their way when they are threatened or rebellious.
Instead, we alert and redirect when danger lurks.
We teach and explain why something is questionable or wrong.
We advise as to the pros and cons of pending decisions.
We steer them clear of negative influences, hold them
accountable to promises made, and yes, we dole out punishment for infractions
(in today’s world, punishment is often re-phrased as “consequences”).
We do this, hopefully, within a firm but loving countenance.
But we do it. Not only because it is our responsibility as parents, but mostly
because we love our kids.
What parent would never set a boundary or delve out
repercussions for unruly, disobedient, selfish, quarrelsome and threatening
words or behavior? Not any that I’ve ever known or heard of.
Although I have observed lax, enabling, lenient and
indulgent parents, even they draw a line—some later rather than sooner—after the
problematic situation slowly, like a marshmallow over a campfire, evolves from a warm, toasty-golden brown into a hideous, burnt monstrosity.
The point being, we readily and unquestioningly accept that the
parental discipline of a child is simply another form of loving a child (let me
be clear: normal, healthy discipline, not abuse!).
So why is it, then, that many people are uncomfortable,
dismissive or even in disagreement with the truth that, first of all, God does
indeed discipline, and second of all, that He is loving us in that correction?
Why is it that people, created by God Himself, can dish out
punishment to their children as a way
of keeping them secure, imparting integrity and preserving their innocence, but
God cannot?
I think the place where many people get stuck in the lily
pads is in their benign take on God as love.
“God is love,” people adore to opine. Although true—God, indeed, is love—God is also Creator, Judge
and Redeemer.
He is unchanging, immutable, sovereign and just. All of it,
all the time.
We miss out when we choose to paddle our canoe with only the
oar of God’s love while telling ourselves there is no place for justice,
discipline or correction within that love.
Hebrews can’t make it any more clear:
“and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed
to you as sons,
‘MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,
NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;
FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,
AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.’
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as
with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if
you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are
illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to
discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to
the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as
seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share
His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but
sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the
peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Hebrews 12:5-11
When people absently toss out the pretty sound-bite,
“God
just wants to love-on you!”
I, after
wincing, am compelled to ask,
“What does that even look like?”
How do we apply the “love-on” principle when someone intentionally
cheats, cusses, lies, steals, thinks ill thoughts of their neighbor, gossips, covets
material things in their heart, etc.
How does God “love-on” us in that? Does He look the other
way? Pretend not to notice? Does He simply say,
“No worries, you are covered by
the blood of Christ, it’s all good?”
Is God neutral towards us?
That is the sense I pick up from every person and church that adheres to the “love-on” school of “life in community.” We’re all so endearingly
charming because of our foibles. God is so accommodating, so docile, so lenient!
But in reality, is He? (And do we sincerely want Him to be? Do we, as parents, want
to be accommodating, docile and lenient when our offspring misbehave? Would that be loving them, or raising
spoiled brats?)
Look closely: is life falling apart?
Are relationships stagnating or deteriorating?
Do difficulties at work take their toll?
That is the point! God is not accommodating, docile and lenient when it comes to sin!
On the contrary, God is trying to get our attention through
these difficulties: not through hand-holding that condones continued disobedience
or setting low expectations that never overcome. And certainly not by throwing Biblical
discipleship out the window in favor of some vague “love-on” pat on the back!
Satan is the one who wants all of that. Satan wants to make
it okay for us to never have to suffer in the sense of being accountable to
personal sin to the point that we then overcome it.
With a “love-on” God, we languish from our not ever grasping
the cause and the point of our suffering (because God is just too nice to ever
hurt our feelings).
Therefore, we are never freed from whatever is tripping us
up. Sin becomes its own suffering. All because we became enamored with a kindly,
grandfatherly, “love-on” God void of discipline.
This is merely a figment of our desire for nonconformity to the
God of Scripture. In this, we give ourselves permission to never grow up.
A right understanding of God as Love, on the other hand,
necessitates God as Judge: of our heart, words and actions.
When we
spiritually, mentally and emotionally comprehend this truth, we will begin to thank
God for His discipline, even though it at times appears harsh, feels traumatic
and seems unfair (from a worldly, human perspective).
Then, having apprenticed under his corrective “time outs,”
we begin to experience the fruits of the Spirit, allowing us to
“not be
conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so
that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable
and perfect” (Romans 12:2 in part).
A consistent, sure way to renew our minds is through the
reading of Scripture, which 2 Timothy 3:16 teaches:
“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for
teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that
the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”
As the Hebrews verse mentioned earlier points out, to those
who are trained in righteousness by God’s discipline, they will be cleansed,
freed and imbued with peace.
So we don’t recoil, we trust; and we don’t take
offense, we receive.
What parent doesn’t hope for that response from their own
child?
It follows then, since we, too, are children—God’s very own—that
we would desire the same response from ourselves to His upbringing of us.
copyright Barb Harwood
“I shall give thanks to you with uprightness of heart,
When I learn Your righteous judgments.” Psalm 119:7
“My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD
Or loathe His reproof,
For whom the LORD loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom He delights.”
Proverbs 3:11-12
“Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of
these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do
not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are
Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light
consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is
pleasing to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:6-10
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