The Antidote to Other People Bothering Us

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Luke 6:41

I think we get the picture: the antidote to other people bothering us is to look with a critical eye towards ourselves.

So how do we do it?

How do we go from obsessing over, say, a person named Fred’s "specks," to seeing our own?

How do we go from this:

“Fred bothers me. I always stew over something he said. I find it inconceivable that he could think the way he does. He is so….I can’t even explain it. I just know he and I are not on the same page.”

To this:

Willingly and unequivocally seeking out the log(s) in my own eye?

What we don't realize is that, while we’re so flummoxed over Fred, we are inoculating ourselves to our own faults, becoming immune to their very real existence. 

The amount of energy we expend on being “frustrated, consternated, angry, mistreated, slighted, misunderstood and one-upped by another person, preoccupies us from noticing when we do the exact same thing.

Because we, too, frustrate, cause consternation, make angry, mistreat, slight, misunderstand and one-up others on a regular basis. 

As Christians, the idea is that we would be made aware of these tendencies and outright dysfunctions, and go to God to curb and curtail them. 

So how do we get from obsessing about Fred to holding our own selves accountable?

What if we took the time, energy and dedication that we put into cross-examining other people and cross-examined ourselves instead? 

What if we allowed God’s conviction all of the time so that we could be purified of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9) instead of fixating on the unrighteousness (or self-righteousness) of other individuals?

This is where I always have to put in the “It doesn’t mean” sentence. 

And I do this because so often people think that when we say, “take the log out of your own eye” that we become doormats, with all Godly discernment going right out the window. 

Examining ourselves means God’s examining of us revealed to us because we ask Him to reveal it to us (not for the feint of heart, but so rewarding!):

“Search me, O God and know my heart;

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-24

With this revelation of God, we quickly discover that taking the log out of our own eye does not entail remaining or becoming the brunt of all sorts of enabling and manipulations of other people, or condoning or continuing to expose ourselves to abuse of one kind or another. 

No. 

This heart-to-heart with God takes us from a place of weakness (ignorance) to strength (wisdom).

What it means is, there are always going to be people who “get our goat.” 

Figuring out why is not a bad thing, because we are bound to learn something about ourselves. Maybe we will see a sin tendency, or outright active sin in our life, or area of un-forgiveness, that can be put to bed, finally, with God. 

Trying to sincerely and objectively, with prayer for God’s insight, understand what makes another person tick can bring us to a place of very new perspective that leads to compassion and forgiveness, and maybe even a greater peace with the other person when in their company. 

Who knows, as we begin to “walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light (1 John 1:7), we may find that our fellowship with others improves—not because they behave any differently but because we and our attitudes do. 

We may find that people and situations that used to drive us crazy now only perturb us at worst, or humor us at best. We can get through these social interactions because we are monitoring ourselves instead of the other person. And we are monitoring ourselves via the Holy Spirit.

So, we may ask, “What if I do this and yet the other person still manages to get under my skin, and it takes me hours or days to recover from time spent with them?” 

This is a very good question, because for people who are more sensitive to social interactions—even wonderful interactions—and who become overwhelmed say, with several days of having to participate in hours of conversation accompanied by different people, being relational can take a mental, if not physical, toll. 

God made all of us in His image, and as we look around, we certainly see variety in his peopled creation. 

All individuals are not the same, nor does Christianity prescribe they become the same. 

In too many passages to mention, the distinction is made between those of various nationalities, skin colors and sex, as now being one with Christ. 

When we hear there is no longer male or female, Scythian or Jew, what we are hearing is that as a male, female, Scythian, Greek or Jew, we are all one in Christ, based on faith in Christ, not works (Galatians 3; Colossians 3; Ephesians 2). 

Within the uniqueness of each person the foundation of His Truth can enter in, and as we are brought into His salvation through Jesus, we maintain that uniqueness. 

God, through the working of His Spirit with us, channels our specific temperaments and talents into a refined giftedness and joy that He intends for our good and His glory. 

So, for example, if we are naturally shy—or naturally gregarious—God transforms that into a blessing instead of a curse.

If we are needing to consistently be doing something physically active, God channels that need into right activities as opposed to sinful ones. 

If we are more on the quiet side and can sit for long hours reading or working thoughtfully on a project, God guides that ability into a fulfilling redemption of time and effort. 

This is what I like to call Christian simpatico, where I, in my area of God-given and properly channeled attributes, and you, in your God-given and properly channeled attributes, make life better for us together, apart, and in the wider unbelieving world. All within the grace of knowing that I cannot adopt your attributes, nor you mine. Nor should we; nor does God expect it “in order to get along.”

Because here is what so often happens, in reality:

Many Christians translate “take the log out of your own eye” to mean “sacrifice one’s self at all costs;” and never set limits with anyone. Everybody but me comes first. All the time. 

This merely gets back to a works-based Christianity, trying to “should” our way into God’s good graces by being the most sacrificing. But in the end, something usually gives, and it is usually us collapsing in an explosion of resentment.

But if we understand taking the log out of our own eye as first getting to the bottom of why certain people rub us wrong, we may quickly get to crux of the matter so as to formulate a solution. 

Because when we honestly try to understand why a person bothers us, we often come to understand aspects of ourselves that we would never have recognized or acknowledged.

This is the sort of honest assessment we discover with God, and then give to God so that He can purify us in His truth: truth about ourselves, about others, about Jesus and His Word, and what our Christian life in Him can yet become. 

And in this time of soul-searching with God, He will reveal not only explanations about ourselves, but other people as well: why they do what they do or say what they say.

This may lead to re-evaluating how, when and where we spend time with certain people. We may find that relationships that once stressed us out begin to thrive under “new management”—healthy compromises in the form of boundaries, guidelines, and the setting and curating of all future expectations, especially with new acquaintances. 

And then there are times in which we’ve gone as far as we can in trying to find a happy medium in response to others’ attempts at dominance, control and manipulation, and we arrive at a place of peace with God about allowing distance in the relationship. 

Navigating the world of social interaction is a great challenge. 

But if we remain in the Light as He is in the Light, and trust ourselves to Him for the truth about ourselves and others, and how to proceed in those truths under the greater Truth of His Word, we will have right and wise fellowship with one another. 

Copyright Barb Harwood