One act can instill trepidation like no other: that of forgiving someone, or asking forgiveness for one’s self.
This is because, to admit the need to be forgiven, or to grant it, puts one in a terribly vulnerable position.
It puts us in the total opposite of control and entrepreneurship over one’s self. It steals our independence and the entitlement to be self-righteous. It removes us from the habitually comfortable place of “being right” in which we secretly luxuriate.
To give or receive pardon forfeits the license we grant ourselves to hold and nurse a grudge; to sarcastically say ‘I’m sorry’ but not really mean it; and to justify the passive “getting back” at others.
We see in the word “forgive” the word “give”: and that is exactly what we do when we ask for or impart forgiveness: we give ourselves release from guilt or sorrow over our words or actions when we say, “I’m sorry,” and we give someone else the same when we allow and accept their apology to us.
When we cannot participate in the giving and receiving of forgiveness, I believe it means we are weak—self-imposing a crutch of hurt and victimhood to get us through the day. To relinquish that crutch feels unsafe, unprotected—exposed.
Even accepting forgiveness can be difficult: though we specifically ask for it—we may not believe it or think ourselves worthy of it when it comes. That is a form of narcissism that denies us and the other person the clearing of the slate for a new beginning.
In reality, what the rejection of any form of forgiveness signifies is immaturity.
Whenever I hear or observe someone reciting a very opinionated petty grievance about something that transpired years ago, I know I am witnessing an act of being unforgiving. Not only that, but the recounting often takes on a drama not commensurate with the “wrong.”
What’s going on here is a lot more than an event that transpired 20 years ago. The sad reality is, the event never ended and is still going on. This is the trajectory of immaturity.
Immaturity, though it flirts with growing up, never quite arrives. And so it continues to pollute and stink up the days and the years.
Immaturity is why people never change.
dictionary.com defines maturity as
“ripeness; full development; perfected condition."
In finance, it is “when a note or bill of exchange becomes due.”
So what maturity is, when we combine all definitions, is the ripe, full development of a person’s condition, having a due date.
This is where Christ comes in.
Christ is the ticket, if you will, to our due date. He makes the exchange.
First, He is the Only One, in His Perfect Love, who is able to cast out fear from within us (1 John 4:18).
He is also the One who bears ripe fruit in us, who develops and perfects our condition, who brings us to our due-date—our maturity—through His power to transform (Romans 12:1-3; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Colossians 3:10; Galatians 5:22-24).
We learn to forgive by receiving and experiencing His absolute forgiveness of us (John 3:16-17, 5:24; Romans 8:1-4; Ephesians 1:4-7, 2:8-9, 5:1-2).
We grow in the knowledge of Him, and, as we do, increasingly desire to live as He is teaching us to live so that one aspect of His life—a major aspect of His person—forgiveness—can be imparted to and through us (2 Corinthians 5:19; Ephesians 1:7).
It is only through Christ that the “coming due” of maturity in us transpires (Romans 6:6; 1 Corinthians 1:30; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Ephesians 1:3, 4:11-14, 22-24; Titus 3:5; Hebrews 10:16).
Forgiveness, therefore, being a major aspect of “growing up” and into Christ, is one of the most mature things we can ever ask for, receive and deliver.
When brought to full fruition, Christ-forgiveness frees not only from specific, petty grievances, but from the heinous, the tragic, the shattering and the ingrained wrongs, prejudices, abuses and insults.
Forgiveness removes the residual power of evil (Romans 12:21).
Anyone who has wrestled with God and persevered in the strain to allow Him to purge what we harbor, knows what I’m talking about (2 Corinthians 5:1-21; Hebrews 4:15-16).
Breaking through with God to the light of His honest-to-goodness and lasting forgiveness is to experience the wonder of all wonders—the joyful maturity that explodes forth into every other area of life going forward, living the truth of Christ’s unequivocal commitment to indeed “make all things new” (Psalm 27:14; John 3:5; Romans 6:3-4, 8:12-38; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 2:20, 6:15; Ephesians 4:24, 5:8; Colossians 3:1-17; Titus 3:5; Hebrews 4:15-16; 1 Peter 1:3; 2 Peter 1:4; Revelation 21:5).
copyright Barb Harwood
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15
No comments:
Post a Comment