At fifty-seven, and into the nineteenth year of walking with Jesus, I have progressed—persevered through and survived—about as many phases of theology, ideology and self that one can.
Although there will be knowledge yet to come, I believe I’ve taken big bites out of the aforementioned predominant states of being, chewed them up and digested or spit them out, to confidently emerge on the other side, to the place Scripture describes as this:
“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:2-3).
And:
“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.
One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
You then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat” (Romans 14:4)
In other words, I’ve arrived on the other side of social, congregational, denominational, political, familial and cultural labels, constructs, talking points and tribalisms, to the very place of a child.
When Jesus says one must hate one’s family—along with one’s own life (Luke 14:26)—I get it now: one must hate the pull, the dysfunction, the competition amongst family and church members to be the greatest; to be one's own savior, so to speak, or the savior of others.
One must additionally hate polarizations, partisanships, cliques, un-thought-through allegiances and what I call “the labelization” of people—the act of being for this group and against that group; for this individual and against that individual.
That is what we are to hate, in ourselves and in others.
And while all of the above yet exists, the difference is that I no longer desire to exist within it because I have chosen to no longer desire to exist within it.
(Luke 6:37-38).
“Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,” (1 Thessalonians 4:9-11).
For my entire life, I’ve been pressed down and shaken for one outcome—the “running over” of Christ into my lap—no longer obligated to live in the hateful and hated prison of my own promotion, or that of the “group,” whatever and whomever constitutes the group at any given time.
In my sojourn, He “drew me out of many waters…” (Psalm 18:16b)
releasing me from having to be part of any of them
freeing me from pressure in any form to subscribe to anyone or anything.
Today I stand at the crossroads, the crossroads of all that has been; all that can yet be.
I reach out, and with one hand, take the hand of the child I once was.
With my other hand, I take hold of the hand of Christ.
Together, the three of us walk, out onto the path of life, of all that can yet be.
“You will make known to me the path of life;
In your presence is fullness of joy;
In your right hand there are pleasures forever.”
Psalm 16:11
Copyright Barb Harwood
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