Opinionating

Merriam-Webster dictionary states that the word “opinionate” is “obsolete.” 

But before it was deemed  “obsolete,” the word meant “grounded on opinion; “lacking firm factual basis.”

So, I ask, why in the world has Merriam-Webster declared the word “opiniate” obsolete when it has been, increasingly so, many folks’ very pastime?

Granted, there is such a thing as a doctor’s experienced opinion, or a court-judge’s legal opinion. I’m not talking about that here.

I’m zeroing in on the opinionating, specifically, about another person or persons, and that to opinionate in this manner is to gossip. 

Merriam-Webster defines gossip as “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others.” 

Now, Merriam-Webster has further definitions, but I stop at this one because it is what I run into most often, especially with extended family, who often think that, not only do they have the right as a family member to share another member’s news, but that this sharing is not gossip. 

Therefore, I thank Merriam-Webster profusely for defining what I have understood gossip to be all along: the sharing—especially chronically, of other people’s news, stories, purchases, plans and so forth.

Most “Those Who Think They are in the Know” types are so focused on the fact that they are the bearer of news that they never get around to noticing, or even pausing to consider, how this popping of other people’s balloons, stealing their thunder, or just divulging anything and everything as soon as they get the microphone, might irritate the bejabbers out of people who would prefer that their news, stories and purchases be theirs to do with as they please. Especially when this sharing of “news” undermines other people’s relationships with each other, not to mention that with “Loose Lips."

When a person participates in opinionating about others on a constant basis, they can develop a false understanding of the person being opinionated about (especially if they refuse to actually talk to and interact with the person being discussed). 

The opinionators instead rely upon their own, or other opinionators’ takeaways, and then begin to believe that they truly and honestly know the person being trashed, discussed, lamented over, or “worried” about (the worry being feigned so as to ignite initial, or more, opinionating!). 

In actuality, these conjecturing instigators are usually way off base.

I point this out because I am well acquainted with people who amaze me in their ability to know right from wrong, and to have remarkable compassion and ability to serve wholeheartedly, but are the worst when it comes to needing to be the family, office or neighborhood Town Crier. 

And yet, they would never see themselves as a gossip, because they have a very narrow perception of gossip (the main perception being that it is something only others do!!) 

Their sense of self negates the negative in their own person, while magnifying it in others. 

But you’ll note that their tendency, even if sharing a fact (the details of which they often get wrong) is also to embellish. 

They simply cannot help themselves from stating a “fact” and then adding commentary. 

This opinionating is, in truth, mere speculation, usually motivated by sour grapes, jealousy, anger, resentment, or a sense of personal pride being threatened. 

Insecure people are the most frequent gossips—and remember—gossip includes the sharing of even spot-on facts (if one has permission to share, that is of course different. But the temptation may still exist to opinionate with others after the initial disclosure). 

So, for example, someone purchases a home. In opinionating, the one who was never granted permission to tell this news to others plows ahead with the information anyway, and the wild rumpus of barbs and cutting assumptions behind the home-purchaser’s back begins!:

“They can’t afford it!”

“That house needs soooo much work!!” 

“I don’t know why they would choose to move there!!!” 

And on. And on. And on it goes.

By sharing another’s news, the sharer has now upstaged the other person, and thus, fed their own personal addiction to drama. That, in turn, feeds their unquenchable need to be seen, heard, significant and, most importantly, to be the first and wisest in their fine-sounding opinionating.

But it is gossip, plain and simple. 

And whether it is revealing facts or fictions about people or events, it is not justified, as it so often is, with the obviously and pathetically defensive, “I was just giving my opinion.”

Copyright Barb Harwood