When we make negative comments about people in our inner circle or daily interactions, we imply more about the affirmation we feel we are entitled to from them, and not receiving, than we say about the other person.
Ditto for the affirmation those other people receive which we feel we alone are entitled to, but due to getting "the short end of the stick" or a "raw deal," never did and never will.
In addition, public censure of other individuals, be they present or not, will grant us, we hope, the accolades—or at minimum the commiseration—from our listeners which we also covet.
It is the hurt from our belief that other people do not hold or convey a high enough regard for us that makes us criticize them and minimize their positive qualities and experiences.
We simply cannot be happy for people if they aren’t being as gloatingly attentive to us as we expect them to be. Or if we perceive, in self-pity, that they “got a better deal” of which we were somehow deprived.
It comes from being unable to see the cup half full in our own lives.
Which is why chronic gossipers and town-crier types (who assume everybody’s news is theirs to announce and repeat) will spare no-one in their fault-finding, jabs and stealing of thunder—because no-one can ever supply the affirmation they crave or assuage deep-seated jealousies.
Only an attitude, perspective and life of objective reflection under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit can kill the incessant, knee-jerk disposition of a critical spirit towards others.
Only when we see ourselves under the glaring light of God’s truth, which, though jarring is also balanced by his unconditional, upholding love, can we bear to realistically see all things—even the impurity and narcissism of our own heart—and comprehend the motivations behind what we think, conclude, do and say.
This is freedom, to break free of the mental and emotional cages of dysfunctional nurture and nature.
These two cages come with a latch we can lift, on a door we can then open and walk through by choice, in humble confidence of God.
Copyright Barb Harwood
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