Yesterday I had an authentically joyous day after experiencing a shift in a relationship—a shift that came unexpected and by surprise.
During a telephone conversation, as my initially tense anticipation of what was to transpire gave way to an open-minded realization that “this is going really well,” the exchange continued in a mood of markedly honest and warm camaraderie. I have not experienced this way of being with this person since I was a small child.
And I can only describe my take-away of what took place between us as joy, the kind God talks about steadily and often, and yet has eluded me for years when it came to this individual.
This joy, the sheer objective, non-forced or sentimentalized reality of it, was at first a bit strange to trust, especially when hopes had risen in the past in this relationship, only to expire time and time again.
But yesterday was different. It was the spark of something I once knew with this person, and now, for even just one day, knew again.
And for it to have occurred at all is enough to keep me going in joy, though the walls may yet cave in once again with this person. I will bear the collapse with the joy of knowing that for one moment anyway, this person and I got to the place of joy once again.
That is what I will live on and hold close going forward.
And it feels good to fully accept this joy and not push it away in cynicism about the past or doubt about the future.
To simply accept joy where it is and when it happens, free of vulnerabilities that would limit or minimize. To give it freedom—permission really—to be the impartial and unbiased grounding going forward.
Copyright Barb Harwood
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