The Definition of Dialogue

 

"Dialogue is a conversation on a common subject between two or more persons with differing views, the primary purpose of which is for each participant to learn from the other so that he or she can change and grow."

Leonard Swidler, as quoted in Harold A. Netland's book, Dissonant Voices. 

I would add that the "change" does not necessarily mean to change one's stance or position, though that may indeed occur, but rather that one would change in the sense of now having a greater, more informed understanding of one or more different perspectives. In this case, change and growth would be one and the same. 

The change that comes of healthy dialogue may also entail no longer fearing differing perspectives or the people who hold them.

What the above definition clearly negates is the self-centered motivation to force a change in another's worldview via strong-arming or arguing. 

Harold Netland, in his book Dissonant Voices, elaborates:

"The purpose of human dialogue...is to pass beyond preoccupation with beliefs and doctrines to the point where one genuinely listens to the other participant as a fellow human being and an "I-thou" relationship of mutual trust and acceptance is established."

Certainly this does not mean that we have to give up our own truth, convictions and worldview. However, timing, attitude and approach is everything. 

If the mutual trust and acceptance is not established, then getting to the point of civil dialogue on what's most important to all parties involved will never happen.

So often, what happens before any mutuality can be established is that the convictions are pushed out there, come what may, in a spirit of self-righteousness: the shallow surety that I am right and you are wrong. 

And when we are already in an established relationship? 

What then? 

Is it then okay to hammer home the convictions, come what may? Will the mutual trust and acceptance be able to handle that?

That depends on how mutual the relationship actually is, and the heretofore acceptance of each person's differences. 

If the relationship truly is well-established on respect and treating each other as equals, then I believe the tactless imposing of a viewpoint upon others will not even be a consideration. 

In relationships of proven integrity and approachability, there will be no room for the inconsiderate behavior of passive aggressiveness and superiority that almost always arises, and continues, out of fear and a need to control.

copyright Barb Harwood