In the Center of Everything is God's Sanctuary

I think the point where we find ourselves sincerely and humbly admitting that we don’t know what to do or to think about a situation or, indeed, life in general, is the point God sighs and smiles and says to himself, 

“Finally! Now go into my sanctuary and pray and wait on me and I’ll be over here, doing the doing and the thinking that you are currently at a loss for!” 

(And by sanctuary I am not talking about a physical building or place).

I came to this thought while briefly reading Ezekiel forty-eight. At the end of the chapter, the Lord is laying out the parameters of the dividing up of the land for an inheritance among the twelve tribes of Israel. Without getting into the details, the big sudden takeaway I received is that the sanctuary is at the center. 

Now, I read this passage randomly after I sat before the Lord and admitted to him I had no clue how to handle a specific circumstance (not my first rodeo in that department!). I prayed and asked Him for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. I then picked up my Bible and read, 

“In the center of it will be the sanctuary of the Lord.” 

I sat with those words for a time, and realized what God was telling me:

“In this instance,” He said, “go into my sanctuary, shut the door and pray. Wait for further instruction from me—either to remain praying or to take some form of action. I am handling this, and continuing the good work I began in you and everyone else, trust me. If and when I advise you to take an action, remember that my sanctuary is still at the center, with you in it. You will from this day forward always be in my sanctuary, now that you understand I am at the center of every moment of your, and all of, life.”

What great news! I can pray and if anything changes, God will let me know. This is confidence that God can do far more, and in the absolute perfect manner, than I can when I blunder outside of His sanctuary and into my own perspective, reactions, mis-judgements, mis-readings and jumping to wrong conclusions (all of which arise because the sanctuary I am most comfortable in and protective of is the sanctuary of myself).

So today I exit the dysfunctional room of me, and cross the hallway into God’s sanctuary of wisdom, patience, joy and peace. I meet Jesus and the Holy Spirit there. This is the first “do:” It is the willing act, obedience and thought-life of trust. And I am in Good Company. 

copyright Barb Harwood

When Other People's Mistakes Become Our Grudges

 

One of the wisest verses in the Bible is this:

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 

We all know forgiveness is called for in the Christian life. So why does un-forgiveness thrive among so many of us?

I think it’s because we might not understand our hardened hearts, or that they are even hardened in the first place!

C.S. Lewis has a terrific quote:

“When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse, he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. This is common sense, really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not when you are sleeping. You can see mistakes in arithmetic when your mind is working properly: while you are making them you cannot see them.” Mere Christianity

When we take offense—a reaction to someone else’s mistake—we check ourselves completely out of the equation of having to forgive (not seeing our own mistake in our arithmetic because our mind is not working properly; it’s operating under the control and passion of offense).

Under these conditions, we will never forgive anyone for their mistake because we don’t see it as a mistake, but as an offense. And in our dysfunctional mind, offenses demand apologies, not forgiveness!

This harboring of offense leads to resentment and holding a grudge. The mind continues to not operate properly, and has now taken the mistake of the other person and turned it into an even greater mistake by ourselves. What could have been addressed or graciously overlooked now takes on a life of its own into quite evil territory—territory we would never consider ourselves to be in because of our sense of self righteousness. When we are so sure we are right, we are blinded that we could be wrong, unreasonable, petty or, alas, unforgiving. 

The second half of this entanglement is our own obliviousness to mistakes that we, ourselves, have made, that also have resulted in offense, hurt, and any number of other negative manifestations! That is the other ugly side of offense: we are so busy being offended that we forget we, too, have said dumb things, been ungrateful, forgot to be somewhere, ran late, didn’t show up at all and on and on. 

And one of the ways we can be ignorant of our own mis-steps is because the person on the receiving end showed grace instead of offense. They did not allow our mistake to turn, for them, into a grudge and a state of un-forgiveness. 

The irony with grudge-holding is that the initial mistake perpetrated will soon be outshone by the mountainous chip on one’s shoulder that takes its place, revealing the greater discrepancy in character to be that of the grudge-holder. 

It is a sign of weakness, neediness and self-involvement to only see one side of any situation: our own! To not be willing to either address something or someone, or let it go, is the pinnacle of narcissism, because it allows the narcissist ever more self-promotion.

But often, we don’t see all of this when it’s happening, just like we can’t see our error in the mathematical problem, or we don’t know we’re sleeping when we are asleep! 

The key is to jolt the mind into working properly through self-reflection founded on prayer, Scripture meditation, quietly listening to God and heeding the Spirit’s guiding feedback. 

It takes time, and may be painful, but the receiving of the truth about ourselves in the safety and love of the Lord’s arms is so much better than marching around people and circumstances wielding grudges. 

These grudges do not affirm us as we hoped they would; they only seem to pile on and separate us even more from people, often the people we love most.

And that is a mistake—not a mistake made by someone else, but a mistake made by us. And only we can own up to it in order to break the pattern, arrive at forgiveness and begin working on how to maturely navigate future exchanges and interactions with the properly functioning mind of Christ, who will generously lead us into all truth and wisdom when we ask. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Christ Righteousness, or Fruit of Christ Righteousness?

 

How deep does our righteousness go?

Is it a “kindness” sign in our yard? Or an “everyone is welcome” mat outside our door?

And what happens when someone coming from an opposing ideological viewpoint walks past our yard, or stands on our welcome mat, are they truly viewed “kindly?” Are they sincerely and open-mindedly “welcomed?”

I often chuckle when people with the word “LOVE” on their shirt walk past me without a smile or a “hello.” It's as if the shirt has lobbed its warmth my way, so therefore the person wearing it does not have to! 

For Christians who dearly claim Christ, is our equivalent the sending of a Bible verse on a greeting card, announcing “Jesus loves you” on a bumper sticker or quoting Scripture to friends? Do these things check the righteousness box?

Superficiality thrives on the yard placards, apple laptop stickers and flags we plant, adorn and drape around ourselves. But is it only skin deep? Or does it seep into our very blood vessels as it is sourced from the Spirit and pumped from our heart, to our brain, to our soul? 

Our spirit is already aware of Christ’s righteousness, because our Spirit is Christ. 

But our body, heart, thinking-mind and soul are up for grabs. 

The state of each one of those entities can ideally be led by God, but only if we make the choice for him to lead, and decide that we will, indeed, follow. 

This is not “blind submission” as many people love to characterize the Christian life. It is discernment of the Spirit in us, knowing that the primary source of “blind submission” is our very own “blind ambition” to follow our pride, which always feels so right—so righteous!

Which brings me back to my point: If we say we love and desire the righteousness of Christ, have we ever sat down to contemplate exactly what that means?

For some, it means they love his righteousness, and thus, adopt an attitude of that righteousness in themselves. They say and believe all the right things. They’ve got the righteousness of Christ clearly in their sights and feel confident in its demarcation, not only for their own life, but the lives of others—even society, otherwise known as “culture.”

What stopped me in my tracks the other day is this: Fruit. What, and where, is the fruit of all of this knowing of Christ’s righteousness?

For all the love we like to throw around on bumper stickers and yard signs, is love the sincere outcome of our mentally buying into Christ’s righteousness? 

In other words, do we stand confident in our concept of Christian righteousness while at the same time harbor unforgiveness? Is there a person against we hold a hardened heart? Does our sense of self-righteousness muddy the waters of Christ’s righteousness at those times? Do we confuse the two? 

What about political opponents: leaders, neighbors, family members, co-workers, school board members with whom we vehemently disagree? Do we talk disparagingly about them? Do we gossip? Are we sarcastic (thinking we’re witty and funny) about their “stupidity?” 

This is what I think of when I read 1 Corinthians 13:1: 

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angles, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 

The main component, I believe, of Christ’s righteousness is grace. Can we, do we, export grace? 

Grace does not mean we have to agree. In fact, grace shines even brighter when it occurs between folks who do not agree! 

Grace does not constantly look in the rearview mirror, harping about past wrongs and real or imagined slights. Grace gets over stuff and knows a healthy thick skin. 

Grace doesn’t take itself too seriously. That is one sure sign of grace! 

A sure sign of self-righteousness (lack of grace) is self-seriousness.

That’s because self loves to delude self away from grace. Self loves to nurse old wounds, maintain a long memory and have it all add up to superiority. And when self believes itself to be superior, Jesus is nowhere to be found. 

The righteousness of Christ, no matter how well we know it, believe it, and expect it from everyone else, amounts, really, to nothing if we don’t get, finally, to its fruit. 

We are to be “filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:11). 

Notice it does not say we are to be filled just with the righteousness. But we are to be filled with the fruit of that righteousness. 

In other words, live it out, don’t just wear it out on a t-shirt, placard, yard flag or coffee mug!

Galatians 5:22-24 sums it up nicely for us:

“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

Jesus sent His spirit to us to live in us, not to be an identity but to be a life lived out under God’s great guidance. The Spirit will never let us down, as many of us who have ever ignored the Spirit’s wise counsel can attest!! 

My prayer is to not let my self-righteousness believe itself to be Christ’s righteousness, and that I eliminate mere lip service to genuine Christ righteousness through the actual living of it out—so that it buds, blooms and ultimately bears fruit!

copyright Barb Harwood

A Clear Conscience Before God

 

If my conscience is clear before God, I don’t have to ruminate as to why this event did or did not happen, this prayer was or was not answered, this person visited/called/sent a card/invited me to a social event or not, and on and on. 

If my conscience is clear before God, meaning the Holy Spirit is not convicting me on any one point of my attitude or behavior, then I can warmly and without guilt, angst or taking things personally, accept the attitudes and actions of others, knowing full well that God is in control. 

Just as my conscience is clear before God, the consciences of others may not be. How often we forget that! 

We blame or give credit to ourselves, in the mindset that we are the source or font of every happening, when in actuality, others are also part of the picture, and God is working on them, just as He works on us! 

So, if our conscience is clear, we know that whatever happens is not “our fault” or “something wrong with us” or even something we need to clean up. 

It means God is working in the world and on people and we must let Him. We must not intervene or interfere unless and until we get specific orders from the Holy Spirit within us. We continue in prayer and gratitude that “God’s got this” and we don’t have to be God or be the reason or center of the universe for all that takes place. We understand our right place with God and pray that others come to understand their right place with Him as well. 

This is the joy of walking with the Lord: the freedom to always know where we stand with Him, even if we don’t know where we stand with others. This knowing where we stand with God is the peace that goes beyond all understanding, because we  humbly forgo the attempt to control and understand all. 

copyright Barb Harwood

Where Does This Christmas Find Us?

 

Just okay, and getting by; not bad, but not really good?

Grateful and glad for the year behind and the one on the horizon?

Saying goodbye to the worst year ever?

Celebrating one of the best year’s in a long time?

In a hole that we have given up any further attempt to dig out of?

In each and every case, although we think we find ourselves in a certain place and time, there is another spot where Christmas can find us: the manger.

The manger is where it begins for us—whether we are grateful and celebratory, or very sad, or frustrated by just about everyone and everything.

Jesus arrived in innocence to vouchsafe ours. Because when all is said and done, after all that we have said and done, Jesus declares us innocent in Him. 

As innocent as a babe, lying in a manger.

If this Christmas finds you in a deep hole, regardless of its making, it is possible to climb out. 

Today. 

Right now. 

Circumstances do not have to change. People do not have to change. The world does not have to change. 

We have to change only our gaze and walk towards the manger, giving no more thought to the steps we leave behind. 

We go forward, toward the light, toward the beckoning birth of something new. Even if that something new is merely the choice to exit the hole. 

“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11

Copyright Barb Harwood

Sharing of Our Faith, or Asking About Theirs?

 

It has occurred to me that the whole concept of “sharing your faith” or “sharing our faith” is one-sided. It comes from the place of me, not you. 

In my experience in the corporate church of evangelicalism, the drumbeat has been to “share your faith, share your faith, share your faith!” This, even when folks aren’t asking and aren’t interested!

The perspective is, we are to sit down, “come alongside of” and “share.” Which means talking about myself, my faith, my Jesus, and what he has done for me. 

This is talking at, not sharing.

I hate to say it but this approach to “making converts” is no different than an obnoxious door-to-door salesman who verbosely goes on and on as if we, the customer, are just a warm body for him to promote himself and his wares.

I don’t claim to know the motivation behind every person “sharing” their faith, but having viewed it from my own initial and immature self-perspective of what it means to “share my faith," observed others in action, and been on the receiving end of one too many monologues of so-called “gospel sharing," I know for a fact that self-promotion and spiritual pride can easily enter in. Without even noticing, we can make it only about us and not at all about Jesus or the person we are supposedly “sharing” with.

Spending time with Christ in the New Testament, as opposed to listening to our Christian pro-proselytizing cohorts, will teach something entirely different: Jesus makes it about himself only in the sense that he himself is Jesus, but conducts himself in an other-focused, other-centered question format. He asks about their faith. He plays back what he hears them saying and, because he is Jesus, even what they are thinking!

He asks them questions about themselves and their lives, and about their comprehension of important matters. He responds to their statements, their hearts, their minds. It is not a one-sided conversation. 

In this model of Christ, we find that “sharing” is not about us having a “heart for Jesus” or a “call to the lost.” It is not about us at all, which is a tough pill to swallow when we so wanted to make it about us and our faith and our Jesus! But it is about their hearts, and finding out what it is exactly that constitutes lostness for them. 

With Christ, people felt seen and heard. Perhaps that is why he was listened to by all, including his enemies, and actually heard by those who chose to follow him. Those who turned away, I surmise, did not like the conviction they felt when Christ saw and heard them. But those who were willing to bear with that conviction were able, then, to also feel the overflowing love of his forgiveness and acceptance—the love that came upon them even though Christ knew everything about them, good and bad. 

The next time a pastor, Bible study leader or anyone pushes and pressures to “share your faith,” submit to the model of Jesus instead, and make it about the person we are in a conversation with. They don’t need to hear about or be convinced of our faith, they need to be led in exploring what faith might, or could, or can mean and be, for them. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

When Nineveh is a Faith We No Longer Want

 

To each one of us, Nineveh is the place we don’t want to go (but which we know, deep down inside, is where we need to go).

Nineveh can be a metaphor for many situations.

But the context I have specifically in mind is that of someone running from a previous faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

In this context, Nineveh is faith that a person no longer wants to have.

For those disassociating themselves from faith, what has often happened is that, having been there once and found some truth, over time, they also experienced some untruth (otherwise understood as legalistic or poorly interpreted doctrine, manmade traditions, culture wars and Christian hypocrisy). 

What happens, however, is that instead of reflecting upon and further testing the truth of their faith, they want out. They want nothing more to do with “any” of it. And so they begin the long slog into anything but.

The tragedy is that what they take with them from the past are the untruths, latching onto them for dear life so as to attempt to disprove what actually is true, so they never have to go back.

It’s guilt by association: 

Something good (their faith in God through the Spirit of Christ) is tainted by something bad, and to “get back at” the bad, they jettison the good. They forget that the good ever existed. 

As the saying goes, they “throw the baby out with the bath water.”

Nineveh, faith, is the "place" that is shunned because the disillusioned are unable or unwilling to separate the good from the bad. 

So in order to “go” to our Nineveh, we must, finally, find a way to separate the good from the bad.

Once we do this, we can study each on its own—the good separate from the bad, and the bad, separate from the good. 

We can be honest in our estimation of how much of our Nineveh was actually bad versus how much was actually good. 

We can look at how the bad impacted the good; how, if it weren’t for the bad, the good could have flourished and been more of a benefit. We can also be realistic about the many ways we did benefit at the time, but have chosen to ignore.

We can examine why the bad existed.

We can look at how each overshadowed the other, at various times and places, and that the "bad" did not always win, and in fact the good scored some big hits!

We can ask ourselves, in a thorough and courageous personal inventory, how running from the faith we once had is working for us. 

Finally, we can listen very closely to hear if the still small voice inside us confesses that we have never really left our faith, and would so love to be able to admit it and have it back.

To return to our Nineveh is to begin again from the place of the good, with the “bad” existing solely as a sober lesson on what not to do and how not to be. The bad actors, actions, ideologies and practices of other human beings in the past and present do not decide our faith in God for us (however, running from God because of them means they still control us).

Upon our return to our faith, we can begin to build—from a place of positive progression, not negative regression—the truth into our lives, cultivating it in Godly wisdom, humility and gratitude. The bad will no longer stunt our conviction, God’s revelation or the joy Christ gives.

In going back to Nineveh, we free our souls from the captivity of the past.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Running From What We Don't Want to be True

 

Sometimes, we investigate in order to convince ourselves that we do not believe what we really believe.

That agendized investigation can go on for days, months, and years, ultimately becoming a lifestyle, worldview and identity, never finding the refutation we are looking for, but hoping beyond conviction that, in the end, we can be right—we can be right that what we truly believe deep within ourselves is wrong and untrue. 

We prioritize this need to be right against the acceptance of what is, actually, right. 

We are Jonah running away from Nineveh and falling into the mouth of futility. All to protect our ego from having to acknowledge it is not, in fact, in charge.

God, who enabled our very person to exist with free will, has planned it so that futility will spit us up, toss us onto dead-ends, and swallow us again and again until we see God's way to Nineveh, and go.  

Copyright Barb Harwood

We Can Choose Easy or Heavy

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus

What is the opposite of “easy?”

Endless lamenting about the election. 

Going to religious services regularly, but not resting in one’s God.

Viewing everything from “my” perspective, not once considering the legitimacy of the other person in the room, or the other group of people “over there.”

And talking ourselves into—deluding ourselves—that what we say and stand for is so important that everything else comes second, or even further down the priority pipeline. So relationships (even that with God) come second, third, or even further, to “my” conviction on any given cause or topic. And it is expected that the people in our relationships not only graciously accept our taking these prioritized stands, but applaud and admire us for it. 

Why are the above descriptions the opposite of “easy?” 

Because they create a dramatic setting for one’s need for self-importance by fixing one’s Quixotic identity into a forced--but false--realty (to me, that sounds like a lot of work. In fact, it is a lot of work, because I’ve done it!!)

This is indeed a heavy burden: both for the one militantly going about announcing themselves, and for those on the receiving end. 

For the person with tunnel vision, who literally cannot see the common-sense forest for the trees aspect of life, this forcing of one’s interior thought life out into the open and onto others is never enough. In their mind, their blindly striving to be important (more important than the next person) never seems to bring connection with other people and society the way they imagined, so they keep on keeping-on hoping that someday, the world will finally stop and congratulate them on having been so concerned about just about everything!

It’s a heavy burden, too, for the person who must endure, as graciously as they can, episodic mini orations, “should” sessions and low emotional intelligence from the people they interact with. 

The sad fact is that, oftentimes, these projectors of personal passions wonder why they have few, if any, deep connections. While they are blindly intent on pushing their inner world, they inadvertently push others away.

Jesus understands all of this. Nothing surprises him. That’s why he says that the antidote to every earthly burden is to set down our self-imposed ego-yoke and take up his yoke—and learn from Him. But those so entrenched in their fear of “where this world is going” or “how complacent everyone is but me,” can’t set aside their own person long enough to see anyone, much less Jesus Christ. 

But, there he is anyway—Jesus, not shoving himself onto anyone, but simply standing steadily by, ready to give his easy yoke and learning to all. 

I guess, for some, Jesus’ call to rest, to not carry our self-assigned burden, is the very definition of complacency. But don’t let the critics in this matter succeed in guilting. 

Resting in Christ is the very opportunity to arrive at empathy, open-mindedness, the ability to listen (and not feel threatened), and bearing with one another (isn’t that the only way to ever be in a relationship and maintain deep connection—a two-way street?)

Isn’t that an easier way than a constant mindset of self-righteous “me, my and mine”—the groping, clawing, joyless curating of pet peeves into minefields that others must walk through? What stress and strain in the constant fear of coming in second, leading to the obsessive running of a race to be superior, right and on the winning side!

And for those who surrender the white flag and decide to walk away from instigating this type of toxic atmosphere, participating in it or silently abiding it, Jesus is there, too. The weary can take on his easy yoke and learn from Him all that He teaches about long-suffering, being at peace with others, humility, and throwing that first, or last, stone. 

Jesus will carry all of us. 

Will I, as his child, lift up my arms and let him?

Copyright Barb Harwood

 

The Cost of Ignoring, and Even Denying, Progress

 

"Society cannot, in the long run, exist if it is divided into sharply defined groups, each intent on wresting special privileges for its own members, continually on the alert to see that it does not suffer any setback, and prepared, at any moment, to sacrifice the most important political institutions..."

Ludwig von Mises, Liberalism in the Classical Tradition (1927)

Justified by Law

 

“You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ…” Galatians 5:4a

Justification by law tends to be interpreted and understood to mean the Old Testament laws of the Jewish faith. 

However, any legalism or non-legalistic self-justification is, I believe, applicable.

And while we tend to easily name all of the usual legalistic suspects—the strict “do’s and don’ts” of any given religious denomination—the self-justifications are more difficult to discern.

Take, for instance, conceit that manifests as thinking more highly of one’s self due to an ascribed sense of “super spirituality” or "refined intelligence." This personal “law" of thinking more highly of one’s self than one ought leads naturally to thinking more highly of one’s self than of other people as well.

To be self-satisfied, spiritually or otherwise, goes against every one of Jesus’ words on humility.

“To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:

‘Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.’”

Luke 18:9-14

Legalisms in and of themselves, alienate, but so, too, do the haughty, arrogant attitudes they breed.

Copyright Barb Harwood

The Peace of Repentance

 

If we do not understand repentance, then we cannot admit mistakes and faults to God, and if we cannot admit mistakes and faults to God—in private and from our heart, mind and soul—then how can we ever admit our mistakes and faults to another human being?

St. Mark the Ascetic, a fifth century monk and a father in Eastern Christian Orthodoxy, said,

“He who repents rightly does not imagine that it is his own effort that cancels his former sins, but through this effort he makes his peace with God.” 

It works the same way with people: repentance—saying “I’m sorry” and “let’s talk about this” and “my bad” and “I stand corrected”—is about making peace with others. And if that attempt at peace is rejected through the other person being defensive in any way towards our outreach, then we can still repent to ourselves and God, and find peace there. 

That is how we can move on from the cloudy and dark aspects of our past, so as not to revisit them in the future, compounding the sin even more. 

In the case of anonymous run-ins with strangers, where we may never have the opportunity to make amends or verbalize our sincere apologies, we can still repent to God and ourselves, and in that way clear the way to agreement that that was no way to act, speak, or even think. That is how sin is washed away by God’s mercy of forgiveness to us, and thus, our being able to show mercy and forgiveness to ourselves.

Repenting to God is alway first and foremost (along with accepting his forgiveness), but I believe we must also then repent to ourselves for having let ourselves down by immature or ignorant behavior or attitude (and gift ourselves our own forgiveness right along with God's).

Only then, having reflected enough to have noticed what kind of person we were in that moment, can we make peace with it, learn from it, grow away from it, and move on, forgiven by both ourselves and God. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Self-Perpetuation vs Self Overcoming

So much negative stress and struggle in life is due to unresolved inner-personal issues: harms that we fear will happen to us because they happened once—or often—in our past; personal injustices and slights that we self-righteously continue to nurse, things said about us behind our backs that got back to us through a third party, and on it goes. 

Oftentimes, when we were/are the brunt of someone else’s thoughtlessness, jokes or put-downs, we dysfunctionally respect their opinion of us more than the many other friends and family who do not put us down or minimize our person. 

(Why would we fret or feel diminished because of someone’s snarky attitude, gossip or chronic negativity—it is their very coldness and lack of integrity that renders them unworthy of our paying them any mind at all). 

Whether it was how we were raised within our family, our school, our social network, our church/religion, our culture—although all or some of it held sway over us at one time, as adults, that sway is now under our own control. 

We no longer have to be swayed, because we also no longer have to be controlled by it: the pressure  to continue to conform to its mandates is gone because we have removed ourself from its grip. 

Or have we? Have we indeed left it behind physically but continue to grip it mentally and emotionally via resentment, critical sentiments and an over-correcting into behaviors and belief systems motivated by that hurt and residual anger? A sort of getting back at?

In other words, what we haven’t dealt with to the point of final closure (with learned wisdom the sole remainder), will continue to balloon into our life in other manifestations.

Let’s take me, for example:

Raised in an über liberal church with a hard emphasis on community social standing, I fled from this church as an adult when I experienced a spiritual crisis. I realized this church/denomination offered no underpinning truths to draw strength, perseverance and maturity from. 

So when I found Jesus via the conservative church, and my life began to experience worth, courage and joy, I continued to seek and remain in that conservative, evangelical community. Until, that is, that same religious entity began to negate my courage, worth and joy and I began to find myself in the very same boat in which I had begun: peer pressure to be and believe a certain way, all under the guise of “love,” just like the liberal church I grew up in!

Ironically, it was the inner junk of having come to despise the liberal church for its lies and superficiality that had led me right into the arms of the conservative church with its own lies and superficiality. I had merely traded one for the other.

So I quit all church and religion. Instead, I set off with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to do and accomplish, at long last, the difficult task of dealing with my inner junk.

I came to understand all of this by placing those who still attempted to negatively control me in their own context, and by initiating a hard, long, objective deciphering of why I was still allowing their power over me every time I  obsessed over old or new wounds. How I was living out the emotional and behavioral habits I had developed throughout my lifetime became exposed so that I could begin to behave and think accurately and appropriately--independent of all the junk (theirs and mine). 

I researched books online, ordered them and read them. I did not choose “Christian” books. I selected excellent books that did not promote any agenda or blame-games, but taught me how to discern the contexts of others (who have never dealt with their junk), as well as my own contexts along the way. 

I filled out journals and workbooks, and answered honestly (the benefit of God being right there with me!! He knows anyway, so why lie?)

I didn’t read my Bible all that much. I just focused on the God-given gifts of authors who could explore and progress over rocky ground with me.

And I came out, finally, unscathed, after all these years of feeling scathed!

We’ve all read the interviews with famous folks who say, at the end of the article,

“I am more content now than I’ve ever been.” 

I used to always wonder about how true that statement is for them.

But it can happen. It does happen. 

I won’t say that every once in a while I don't have to check a rising resentment, or an angry inner frustration with one of the usual, unchanging suspects. 

But I quickly go to their context, and the context I was in when I was forced to live and interact with them, and I find compassion for both of us: for them, because they know not what they are suffering from, and for me, because that was myself at one time. 

I thank God for his insight and patience that nudged me time and time again to deal with my junk and then to at last, move on, begin anew and live in an entirely new, empowered manner.

copyright Barb Harwood 

In Times of Dismay

 

Each one of us has, or currently is, living “one of those weeks,” or series of days, where no matter what we do or say, we come away with the very strong conviction that we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.

And the harder we try to analyze the situation—what we could have done differently, why it mattered at all to begin with, will it happen again and will we handle it better next time?—the more maze-like our inner life becomes. 

Finding our way out seems a fantasy and we fear we’ll continue to make things worse if we try.

These are times when even close friends or spouses, who lend a sympathetic ear and embrace us in hugs, cannot quite set everything to rights. 

We know we have made mistakes, and don’t like ourselves much for having made them. 

We know others have made mistakes, and we are frustrated with ourselves for not knowing how to graciously respond! 

And then we feel guilty for being so hard on our self and on others, but aren’t quite sure what to do next.

That is when God is indeed our refuge. That is when we wait on Him: 

“Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“So my spirit grows faint within me;

My heart within me is dismayed.” Psalm 143:4

“I spread out my hands to you;

My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord,

My spirit fails.” Psalm 143:6-7a

“Let the morning bring me word of your

unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8

copyright Barb Harwood