Quitting is a Way to Begin

A few years ago, I decided to call it quits on dissension and divisiveness.

I began by unplugging, cold-turkey, the haughty (if not often on-point), talk show host, who ceaselessly conjured anyone of an opposing mindset an enemy. 

Cancelling cable followed, along with the cessation of viewing Network news shows.

I quit striving for significance, spiritual and otherwise, because of its unavoidable tendency to pit me against not only myself and God, but against others through a sense of oneupmanship.

I quit politics and organized religion (note the comment on oneupmanship above). 

I’ve been establishing healthy boundaries that keep chronic critics at a distance, and I no longer subject myself to the spiritually-extroverted peer pressure to be, act and think a certain, and increasingly awkward, way.

The impetus for this quitting was the gradual and very observable realization that most people do not care what I think, because they (like I, too have been and am trying to stop being), are more concerned with what they already think, which prevents them from hearing what anybody else says, no matter how well supported or stated.

So not only am I quitting the compulsion to get my two-cents worth in, I’m hoping, with every good intention, to just be quiet and hear. 

Jesus said to let our yes be yes and our no be no. This advice has served me well in the jettisoning of the toxic elements of life.

“Yes” to the conversations elicited in mutual respect of varying viewpoints and individual personhood—“No" to single or closed-minded religious, secular or political emphases and dramatic drumbeats of incessant critique.

A tall order, and I have only recently begun the climb, in fits and starts.

However, since I have embarked upon this lighter mode of travel, I do marvel that I laugh more; I chuckle to myself in reaction to things that previously would have upset or frustrated. 

I’ve tapped into an adult-like assertiveness that empowers in managing expectations and preventing future occurrences of “having to extricate myself.” 

I now take the time to discern, objectively, other people’s motivations so as not to take everything personal. Along with that, saying “I’m sorry” is becoming easier; less threatening.

In short, God is fine-tuning the portal to a realistic perspective. 

In the throes of a Chicken Little, back-biting and possessively-ideological world, I am finding happy retirement from trying to get others to affirm me or to be converted to my point of view. 

I have gladly checked out, moving into that very cozy, joyful ambition of leading a quiet life, minding my own business and working with my hands so as to behave properly (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).

Copyright Barb Harwood

Reason Aiding Belief Made Possible Only By the Spirit

B.B. Warfield (1851-1921) makes the point that a person’s faith in Christ ultimately comes to pass from the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. Apologetics (defense of the faith, using reason and evidence) is an avenue through which the Spirit conveys truth to a soul prepared by God and willing to go where, if left on its own, it would never go.

Warfield states:

“Mere reasoning cannot make a Christian; but that is not because faith is not the result of evidence, but because a dead soul cannot respond to evidence…The action of the Holy Spirit in giving faith is not apart from evidence, but along with evidence; and in the first instance consists in preparing the soul for the reception of the evidence.”

“…the world of facts is open to all people and all can be convinced of God’s existence and the truth of Scripture through them (facts) by the power of reasoning of a redeemed thinker” (italics mine).

Faith, then, is “conviction passing into confidence” via the empowering and continuous enlightenment of the Holy Spirit.

Norman Geisler and Patrick Zukeran elaborate on this process further by paraphrasing the words of Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758) from Edwards’ book, Of Being:

“Notwithstanding all of his stress on rational and objective evidence, Edwards did not believe that either general or special revelations were sufficient to make depraved men and women open to God’s truth. In addition to objective special revelation, there had to be a subjective, divine illumination. Only ‘the Devine and supernatural light’ could open a person’s heart to receive God’s revelation. Without this divine illumination, no one ever comes to accept God’s revelation, regardless of how strong the evidence for it is. A new heart is needed, not a new brain. This is accomplished by the illumination of the Holy Spirit. This divine light does not give any new truth or new revelations. Rather, it provides a new heart, a new attitude of receptivity by which one is able to accept God’s truth.” 

The above quotes align with Jesus’ own teaching: 

“When the helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, namely, the Spirit of truth who comes from the Father, He will testify about me,” (John 15:26).

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and remind you of all that I said to you” (John 14:26).

Jesus explained to Nicodemus:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which has been born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I said to you, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it is coming from and where it is going; so is everyone who has been born of the Spirit." John 3:5b-8

And Paul, too, confirms:

“Now we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God. We also speak these things, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. 

But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:12-14).

Jesus plainly states that we are to love the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:37), and the Apostle Peter instructs that we are to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18a). 

If we are to love and grow in this way, then it makes sense that we are to begin to know in this way—seeking, finding, meeting God in Christ Jesus via the Spirit’s revealing of what was previously to us a mystery—a mystery now unfolding through the willing capacity of our God-given and Spirit-established hearts, minds and souls. 

Faith, then, truly is a spiritually intellectual and experiential “certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).

Copyright Barb Harwood

Why Trying to Control People Never Works

 

This is a great quote from the book, Pastoral Counseling by V. James Mannoia

“…change comes about when the individual perceives his own newly experienced self. Behavior is consistent with self-concept, and the most efficient way to change is to alter the self-concept. Maturation and learning are integrally involved in this process of change.”

Many people don’t change because they buy-into either the perception of themselves sent by a control freak, or the control freak's setting up a prison of ease. 

And while many control freaks say they want so-and-so to change or meet new challenges, their actual signals and actions often point in the very opposite direction. Thus, those who control create a cycle of dependence and inferiority in the controlled-one’s life.

In other words, the change they are wishing to see transpire in their spouse, child, adult-child, friend or family member often does not come about because of the very tight leash the controlling person holds them back on.

This leash is either the sending of a message that the controlled person cannot change on their own, is not capable of anything new, or will always be the same person—behaving and garnering the same results—as they have in the past. 

The leash can also be one of fear: so that, even though the controlling person desires positive progress for their loved one, they are terrified of letting their loved one go free in order for them to make the attempt at a maturing life; an attempt sure to include the very mistakes that will lead to a newly experienced self and personal change in behavior for the better.

Either way, control stymies and makes miserable: not only the person being controlled, but the person holding the reigns (or thinking that they do).

Copyright Barb Harwood

Forgiveness is the Route to "Being the Change"

When we live and perhaps have existed for a very long time with a gripe, a victimhood, a wrong having been done to us; when we possess a worldview that clashes with another person’s worldview, forgiveness can be a tough pill to swallow. 

In fact, many people who profess to be forgiving types often don’t even notice how clenched their fists are around an unforgiving attitude. 

Because when it comes to forgiveness, we have to, albeit grudgingly at times, admit a couple of things:

1. Either we were wrong, and we must ask for forgiveness, which may entail forgiving someone else for their lesser offense in the exchange.

2. Or, we must forgive someone else for being or having been wrong, at least in our perspective of things, whether that means forgiving them actually or just within our own mindset, and between us and God.

3. It could mean we forgive a nation for voting for a public figure with whom we vehemently disagree or for whom we hold a strong personal dislike. Forgiveness here means we allow ourselves to set aside our personal self-righteousness in order to try to understand where other people are coming from. We allow that not everybody thinks or sees things the way we do, and that if and when justice is called for we will stand firm, but in value systems of personal moral choice, we agree to peacefully disagree.

People will ask about injustice. How do we forgive that?

We begin by breaking down the stereotypes in our own mindset, the stereotypes we have set in stone in our heads that say “once a failure, always a failure;” “once wronged by so and so, always wronged by so and so.” 

We open our eyes to the progress already achieved, and launch from there to progress hoped for, believing it, too, can come to pass. 

We especially remove the blinders to our own faults and point the finger more at ourselves and less at others. 

If we espouse social justice as a high priority, we nix the complaining and do more than just cast a vote to effect change. 

We physically move to places where we feel we can have a positive impact. 

We mentor. 

We spend time and energy working alongside the disenfranchised, the marginalized—anyone for whom we feel “the system” or politicians are not doing enough. 

We walk the walk of grievances we love to interject into conversations, family dinners, and holiday parties. We become as passionate about regular, consistent showing-up in often mundane, non-publicly observable ways as we do about placing banners and signs in our yard. 

I believe that actually doing something (as opposed to saying or even voting something) means we stop manufacturing a spirit of un-forgiveness through our constant harping about how everyone else isn’t working hard enough or in the right way. 

If we feel that strongly and are so convinced we have all of the answers, then we get out there and do it ourselves. 

Perhaps, after spending some time on the front lines of effecting change, we’ll be a bit more contrite in our estimations of others when we finally see first-hand how very difficult change can be, corporately and individually. 

Perhaps then real forgiveness will dawn on us.

Forgiveness, in a nutshell, begins with humility: that even if we cannot acknowledge our own phases of dysfunction—phases that ultimately lead to growth and maturity—that even if we cannot own our own mis-steps and social faux pas, we can, in the oft-bantered about “let there be peace on earth” forgive others theirs, taking note of the next words of that famous lyric, “and let it begin with me.”

When people wax poetic and earnestly wear,

 “Be the change you want to see in the world” 

on their sleeve, do they see that this is exactly where forgiveness begins?

Copyright Barb Harwood

 

Welcoming the Present in Order to Move on From the Past

Personal transformation is challenged, and often thwarted, when we, or others, keep ourselves in the past.

When that happens, we—along with those who pigeonhole us into the person we used to be—are backward-invested rather than present-invested. What hope is there, then, of any future investment if we cannot even get past yesterday to today?

Warren Wiersbe has some great things to say about this, especially in regard to the Apostle Paul—a man who not only promoted, but also lived, the adage, “Don’t look back”:

“When he became a Christian, it was not the end for Paul, but the beginning.”

“And this experience continued in the years to follow. It was a personal experience (‘that I may know Him…’) as Paul walked with Christ, prayed, obeyed His will, and sought to glorify His name…now he had a Friend, a Master, a constant Companion!”

“There were things in Paul’s past that could have been weights to hold him back (1 Tim 1:12-17), but they became inspirations to speed him ahead. The events did not change but his understanding of them changed.”

“So, ‘forgetting those things which are behind’…means that we break the power of the past…We cannot change the past but we can change the meaning of the past.”

“‘To forget’ in the Bible means ‘no longer to be influenced by or affected by.’”

“Too many Christians are shackled by regrets of the past. They are trying to run the race by looking backward!….'The things which are behind' must be set aside and ‘the things which are before’ must take their place.”

I find it appropriate that Wiersbe titled the book in which these quotes appear, Be Joyful.

Because joy and freedom from our past are inextricably linked.

This freedom also entails paying no mind to those who, out of their own warped pride of needing to nurse old wounds, or out of ignorance that some people actually do change for the better, or because they feel jealous of or threatened by the improvements in our character, refuse to live in the present with us. 

And sometimes, they just don't like the "better" version of us! So be it. 

My husband once said, referring to the early months of my faith,

“I noticed the bus was leaving. And I wasn’t on it.” 

Thankfully, as he observed and was a benefactor of the positive difference in me, he eventually did get on the bus, about a year later. 

And that is where we both still find ourselves, side by side, having the best time ever in our lives, today, in the here and in the now. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Individual and Group Humility Can Still Work Today

“I often reckon with the very fact that I was such a small pebble in a large stream of thousands and thousands of men who went to fight this war.” James Martin Feezel 

Jim Feezel was a U.S. Army veteran of World War II, who drove a tank that broke through one of the main Dachau concentration camp gates on April 29th, 1945. His action was one of the immeasurable acts that led to and made possible the freeing of 30,000 prisoners. 

This quote defines humility in a way not often observable today. 

Feezel reveals an understanding of himself and his place in the world as no less than or greater than the next person’s, but as one individual in a collective of individuals from all walks of life, political leanings and personal backgrounds, who had no problem working as a companion in attaining something so much larger than all of them. 

I believe this attitude, which to me conveys the idea that, although the soldiers were spread out in their platoons, most likely never to meet one another, they were convinced that each one of them was in it just the same. And that, all of them, though individually scattered across fields and forests, could, as one large force of unwavering integrity for the cause—each man in agreement on the big picture of what needs to happen—keep moving forward.

This attitude, so beautifully modeled, is what will still work today, given a chance. 

Jim Fezeel passed away on Thursday, October 15, 2020, at the age of 95. 

We thank you, James, for your service. Godspeed. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Common Sense and Calm, Please

Joseph Epstein, in his collection of essays titled Narcissus Leaves the Pool, writes:

"The cultivated not only know a great deal but, more important, they know what is significant--they know, not to put too fine a point on it, what is really worth knowing.

Part of being a cultivated person is knowing what to forget...The cultivated person is good at the act of extrapolation: at imagining the unknown on the evidence of the known. He has a strong historical sense, so that he tends to be less impressed by the crisis of the week that agitates the news media, which they in turn use to agitate the rest of us. From his historical sense, he knows that this caravan has passed before, and that another, not very different one will pass through next week and another the week after that."

"The allegiance to common sense implies an automatic diminution of zeal."

The above quotes from Joseph Epstein could not be more applicable to our time.