Proud Self Confidence

 

Quote for the day:

"Sometimes our growth in understanding is inhibited by a proud...self-confidence."

John R.W. Stott

Because It's the Right Thing to Do

When we know the right thing to say or do, but our pride, fear, or keeping-score rises up to squash what we know to be right—in other words, what we know to be Christian, meaning what God would have us do—we, because of God through whom we are supposedly maturing, must do the right thing anyway.

Having struggled mightily in this, as most do, I do not say the above lightly. Pride is a warm and fuzzy friend with whom it is so easy to pacify ourselves. 

Because we so often do not want to do the right thing (especially when it comes to forgiveness, second chances and acknowledging the positives in a person with whom we struggle), and would not choose to do so if left completely alone to go about our day however we prefer, God has given us His Spirit to overcome this self-centeredness.

And although we can do the right thing to merely assuage guilt (which, let’s be honest, is still a form of self-centeredness that doesn’t procure increased maturity, but which, to be fair, is a good beginning), the better way is to do the right thing for the sole purpose of living out what God has wisely taught us all these years. 

What is the point, in the end, of our “prayer life,” church attendance, knowing the Bible inside and out, charitable works to strangers, if, when it comes to letting God rule truly both our heart and mind, pride wins? 

To own this objective reality of God—this doing the right thing—is to go beyond our lawyerly sense of reason and justice. It is what it means to be free of self dominance over our not always trustworthy inner heart and mindset. 

It means that, even if we sigh as we do the right thing, we can sit back after we do it and, in humility, know by our conscience before God, that it was indeed right, because it was of God, no matter how the doing may sting even a little bit. 

When we decide to give God His say in matters that conflict us, our conscience, if we are sincerely wanting God to lead, will reveal any motivation that lets us know when we are defying His wisdom.

Over time, this actually becomes joyful. Because I don’t know about anyone else, but living in my own jurisprudence is not a thriving, peaceful, or fun way to live. 

Whatever comes after our doing the right thing—responses, reactions, resentment, unforgiveness, continued or new misunderstandings from others, or—surprise!—peace, goodwill, closure, respect between us and others—God will contend with that too, all the while continuing to offer love, support, encouragement and guidance every step of the way.

Copyright Barb Harwood

The Inside of the Cup is the Point

Jesus, as I understand Him, isn’t about getting people who believe in Him into heaven.

It’s about His power and desire to transform the inner world of each one of us.

I recently listened to a podcast attempting to flesh out religion, and in one way the discussion succeeded: the participants almost never talked about Jesus or an individual’s need to inwardly be made mature. In that regard, it stuck to its topic of religion.

I find it frustrating and fascinating at the same time that the world still continues to not get the memo: Jesus came for the inside of the cup—souls—to cleanse them—not to get us into heaven, but to get us to personal peace and freedom that, only then, can reverberate to the wider population.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” Matthew 23:25-28


In all the hustle and bustle of religion: liturgy and colors; incense and icons; Saint’s Days and corporate church worship and ritual; rote fasting and prayer—the direct addressing and prioritizing of the inside of the cup is so often neglected for the smoke and mirrors of attempting to get there via the power of suggestion through tradition and outward practice of tenets and commandments.

And Jesus stands on the outskirts of this mentality and behavior, looking over it, saddened that so often we are still harassed and helpless in our religion, so unwilling to go deeper—or just allowing religious righteousness, group-think or duress to continue to hide “the things which make for peace” (Luke 19:41-42).

Jesus doesn’t require or desire weekly, rote and repetitive sacrifices directed at Him (Matthew 23).

What does he require?



"With what shall I come to the Lord

And bow myself before the God on high?

Shall I come to Him with burnt offerings,

With yearling calves?


Does the Lord take delight in thousands of rams,

In ten thousand rivers of oil?

Shall I present my firstborn for my rebellious acts,

The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?


He has told you, O man, what is good;

And what does the Lord require of you

But to do justice, to love kindness,

And to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:6-8


If we do not currently find our own inner and outer self in Micah 6:8 (or sincerely beginning to open our minds to get there), and we have been very religious, then that being religious has not gotten us very far.




Copyright Barb Harwood

Where I'm At With God

I understand my right place with God, and I pray that others come to know, first-hand, their right place with Him as well, because this is the only real peace as I've come to experience it.

It is the joy of walking with the Lord in the unencumbered freedom to always know where I stand with Him.

copyright Barb Harwood

Our Own Manufactured Perceptions as the Producer of Illusions

dictionary.com defines illusion as:

“Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.”

It is fascinating to me to think about how deception is produced. 

Is it through an out-right intention to deceive emanating from another person or entity? 

Is it an unintended deception, a misunderstanding or miscommunication, that leads to a wrong impression?

Or, and I think this is much more common that we know, is it because we, the receiver, illude ourselves? 

When this is the case, our takeaway of another person’s personality, or a company’s political and ethical climate, or a house we want to purchase, is warped, not by the person, company or house, but by our seeing—sometimes manufacturing—what we want to see.

It’s the subjectivity of existence vs. the objective.

At times in our life we can see everything as it really is with crystal clarity. 

But at other times, due to a temporary or ongoing vulnerability—sometimes lasting years—we live in a fog of our own perception. Perhaps it is out of self protection—we need to believe such and such about this person, place or thing to keep us steady and to be our anchor when we lack maturity or coping mechanisms. 

And then—what a weird but exhilarating experience—often without any warning, that person, place or thing is revealed for what it really is, and always has been.

It is when, for lack of a better phrase, “the stars align” and we feel foolish and maybe irritated for having thought otherwise all those months or years. 

This sudden spotlight that shines on friendships we thought close but never were, parents and extended families that we attempted to force into our idealist molds, and past periods of life that we had been clinging to as if they still meant something, but don’t—all of it is transformed into lucid, 20/20 vision.  

We can let go now of the dysfunctional security blanket that kept us tethered to these past fossils because we thought they must remain somehow relevant in order for us to be relevant, or to have at least not wasted our lives. 

Our illusions, those larger than life dinosaurs that roamed and stalked our inner being, become extinct; closing (to our grateful and utter relief) those history books for good. 

Recently, I looked across the table at a close friend of many years, and as our conversation turned to those we no longer stay in touch with, it dawned on me that she has traveled with me through much of my history. Yet here we were, sitting across from each other filling hours that seem like minutes with raptured conversation! I sputtered suddenly to my friend, 

“Not you! You and I  still get together because you have evolved!” 

We both thought about that, and she said, 

“The word is evolved. And you’re right. We both have evolved.” 

That is true of every close and authentic relationship I cherish today, especially with my husband, sons and daughter-in-law. 

That evolution, the heroic ability to change, is the result of each one of us taking off the rose-colored or grimy rimmed glasses, as the case may be, and seeing our past, present and future; our faith and our families; our acquaintances and personal histories, as they are, no illusions whatsoever.

The dross of illusion thus burned away, we carry on, lighthearted and still, not to be subject again to this yoke of slavery. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

The Healing in Being Right With God

When we’re troubled, when fears rational or irrational plague us, we can tend the storm within us by asking ourselves, 

“Am I right with God?” 

If we can bravely, in utmost honesty, affirm that yes, we have been washed by God and a right spirit has indeed been put within us, it is then that the life waters grow still and the demons rush out of us, leaving the quiet, undisturbed peace and renewal of God.

“Be gracious to me, God, according to Your Faithfulness;

According to the greatness of Your compassion, wipe out my wrongdoings.

Wash me thoroughly from my guilt

And cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my wrongdoings,

And my sin is constantly before me.

Against You, You only, I have sinned

And done what is evil in Your sight,

So that You are justified when You speak

And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in guilt,

And in sin my mother conceived me. 

Behold, you desire truth in the innermost being,

And in secret You will make wisdom known to me.

Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

Cleanse me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness,

Let the bones You have broken rejoice.

Hide Your face from my sins

And wipe out all my guilty deeds.

Create in me a clean heart, God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence,

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

And sustain me with a willing Spirit.

Then I will teach wrongdoers Your ways,

And sinners will be converted to You.

Save me from the guilt of bloodshed, God, the God of my salvation;

Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

Lord, open my lips,

So that my mouth may declare Your praise.

For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;

You do not take pleasure in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise.

Psalm 51:1-17

Copyright Barb Harwood

Five Reasons People Do Not, or Cannot, Forgive

BJ Foster, writing on the website All Pro Dad, writes a succinct, insightful and, in my opinion, correct explanation of why human beings do not forgive. 

In many cases, it is because they cannot forgive, which, of course, I attribute to not having first experienced the forgiveness of God for their own personal immaturity, mistakes, and times they themselves have hurt others (but don’t keep the same account of as they do for others who have offended or hurt).

Here are Foster’s five reasons folks don’t, or cannot, forgive, in condensed form. You can read the entire article here:

https://www.allprodad.com/5-reasons-people-dont-forgive/

Foster’s Five Reasons:


1. Many people believe the myths that have grown up around forgiving: They think that if they forgive, they are somehow saying that the wrong to them was justified or is now forgotten. In addition, Foster says,

“Many also believe it means that the person must admit wrongdoing, trust is restored, there must be reconciliation, or the offender is released from the consequences of their actions. That all can be a part of forgiveness but doesn’t have to be. Forgiveness is simply giving up your right to condemn…Forgiveness is letting go of ill will and making peace.”

2. “Holding on to anger and bitterness somehow feels like justice. It’s what the people who hurt us deserve, our wrath. Somehow we convince ourselves that our bitterness keeps them on the hook. Bitterness is hard to let go of because it is a security blanket that provides false comfort and a distraction from our hurt. Forgiveness means letting go of bitterness…”

3. “We want people to get what they deserve, especially when they hurt us…

Forgiveness means they are released from the vengeance we want to administer.”

4. “We are right and they are wrong. They are the bad guys and we are the heroes. That’s what feels good. It’s easy to place someone who hurts you in the category of an evil person. It makes life much more simple, but it’s not that simple. The person may be wrong, abusive, cruel, manipulative, controlling, a liar, or a bully. However, forgiveness causes us to consider what led them to be that way. What pain and abuses have been perpetuated on them? It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it does give some insight. Forgiveness also challenges us to think about the pain we have inflicted on others and our need to receive forgiveness.”

5. This fifth point is where Foster knocks it out of the ball park, because he states a very simple truth that is rarely stated in articles on forgiveness. Foster writes:

“Finally, forgiveness is an act that comes from a position of strength, a strength many people don’t have. It requires resilient bravery, love, faith, empathy, openness, and vulnerability.”

The only thing I can add to Foster’s above list, is this:

For each and every one of us, life at times is a huge, overwhelming struggle.

Coping mechanisms vary at different stages of life.

If we all were born knowing how to navigate our emotions and mental weaknesses, we would never step on anyone’s toes.

Events and stressors in life do to us what we never received an instruction sheet for. Instead, we have to wing it, and creep into our shells for self-protection when that’s all we can do, often shutting others out.

People love to throw around the “cancel” word when someone is having a mental health crisis or is attempting to get their life back on track and thus needs to keep their distance from those who at that time in their life pose a risk or a threat.

Sometimes those feeling “canceled” would do well to take an inner look to gain some insight as to what they themselves perhaps are doing to contribute to someone else’s pulling away. At minimum, if they are so concerned with having been “canceled,” then maybe they should simply ask if they indeed have been canceled before jumping to the conclusion that the other person is the problem.

To those who harbor ill will and unforgiveness because they feel they were cancelled (and never directly asked the other person why), I posit that unforgiveness is an equal form of cancel, especially when the other person is attempting to make amends.

We can’t really criticize someone for canceling us if we are doing the same back through unforgiveness.

Self-righteousness is the monster that it is because all of the mud it slings at other people is never recognized as one’s own mud too.

Forgiveness.

The only way I got to where I am today is because of God’s teaching me forgiveness. It is a most difficult thing. And that is why I have also learned, from God, to forgive those who cannot, or will not, forgive me.


Copyright Barb Harwood