How Do We Deal With Offense?

How do we deal with having been offended?

Take the log out of our own eye:

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

Now, Matthew 7 needs to be read in its entirety, because the verses found in it that talk about judging have often been mis-applied. When we read the entire chapter, we find that not judging and then judging are both allowed. But I’ll save that for another day.

The point I’m getting at here is quite specific: the part about taking the log out of our own eye. 

And we do that by, whenever we take offense, the very next thought being, 

“How have I offended throughout my life?” 

That might sting, but I guarantee it will lessen the pain of another person’s having offended us. 

So, if we are offended that we did not get an invitation to a wedding or other social event, recall how we ourselves have not invited people to certain things. Everyone can’t logically be invited to every party, backyard barbecue and life event. Many variables are at play (including the fact that some people are not party-givers and thus, celebrate more intimately. Extroverts need to check themselves on this point, especially when the introverts in their life have played nicely and attended most of their gatherings. If invitations are expected in reciprocity, then we need to examine why it is exactly that we are hosting an event in the first place). I digress…

Instead of letting offense make us think the worst of people and their motivations, or, by the same token, allow our thinking the worst of people to lead to our automatically taking offense, how about taking a deep breath and remember that life is difficult and complicated for everyone, not just us, and that we would hope people--especially those we call family and close friends, would be able to love us with a fair amount of understanding (and honesty with the person—not backstabbing—when understanding does not come easily). 

Continuing on with some examples:

If we are offended that so-and-so didn’t come to a funeral, recall how we did not attend a funeral in the past.

If we are offended at a short answer from a clerk, billing agent, or person at a party, recall how we, too, at times, have responded curtly due to a bad day, or because of feeling, “I just wasn’t in the mood to run into that person and chat in the store” that we’ve all experienced. Maybe we’re in a hurry, or just want to get home after a long day, or our spouse called and it’s bedlam at home, or we’re downtrodden with a cold, whatever. We just weren’t in the mood; my bad, not yours! (note to self: stop taking everything personally!)

If we are offended at a mistake that a niece, nephew, or offspring has made, recall the mistake (more likely mistakes, plural) we ourselves have made, especially when young and naive.

If we are offended by gossip about us, recall how we have gossiped.

If we are offended by rules that stymie us and the people who carry out those rules, recall how we, too, have a job that we have to do in order to not get fired, and that this offending person, just like us, is simply doing their job. 

If we are offended by paying someone what we think an exorbitant price for something, recall that we, too, earn a paycheck, albeit perhaps in a corporate or office setting, and that, just like us, this entrepreneur must charge money for their expertise and service, and the fact that they are painting our house or cleaning our gutters is beside the point. They are making a living and providing an essential service, just as we are.

If we are offended by politicians doing a “lousy” job, recall the times we’ve been in places of leadership, or have served on a committee, and the headache of making everyone happy all of the time and how excruciatingly frustrating it is, and how we had to work with the team to arrive at a consensus that we would have preferred not to arrive at. If it was difficult for us, it is just as difficult for them.

Getting the picture?

We as a society, and as individuals, have mastered, and continue to refine, the very ugly art of nursing wounds, never forgiving, white-knuckle holding to labels (Democrat, Republican, for example), never forgetting even the smallest infraction...in short: sitting on our high horse of self-righteousness to the point that we are so above everybody that the only way anyone can touch us is through offense. 

Entrepreneur and owner of the Dallas Mavericks Mark Cuban two days ago made a beautiful point when he said, 

“One of the most underrated skills in business right now is being nice.” 

Matthew 5:38-48 explains how we can be nice in spite of offense (and again, we need to really dig deep to discern whether the offense was intentional, or whether we might have misunderstood). 

Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean the offense didn’t happen. 

It means we are able to let it go in forgiveness by remembering we, too, have offended. 

If the offense is the kind that is dangerous to the point of mental manipulation and character assassination, or physical harm, then certainly one puts distance between one’s self and the other person (again, vowing ourselves not to be “that guy”). 

But even then, forgiveness through recalling our own log in our own selves is the way to eradicate hanging on to that person’s offense. We need to let their offense go so they-- and what they’ve done to us--doesn’t continue to haunt us. Just as the Lord has compassion on us in our sin, we can have compassion on other’s in their sin, even while keeping ourselves at a distance. 

Mark Cuban went on to say, 

“I went through my own metamorphosis, if you will. Early on in my career, I was like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam—I might curse. I might get mad. And then I just got to the point—I wouldn’t have wanted to do business with me when I was in my 20’s.”

What a lovely confession!

It’s never too late to turn the other cheek as an attitude and response. 

Certainly we acknowledge another person’s apology and listen to another person’s confession and don’t just say, “Oh, don’t worry about it.” I do believe it is imperative to all involved to allow a repentant person to say they are sorry and to confess whatever it is on their heart, regardless of what we think about it. And then we can listen to and acknowledge—not deny—their words and verbalize our forgiveness now, and going forward. 

If we are the person turning over a new leaf and, like Cuban, rescinding our animosity and self-protective, self-centered motives, and attempting to forge a new path in current relationships, don’t expect others to jump on board. They might be, and quite likely are, still caught up in a pattern of taking offense. And if we are someone they have taken offense at in the past, their hearts may be hardened against us, in spite of our expressing our love for and to them. That’s okay. 

The main thing is to keep removing the log from our own heart and mind and celebrate the inner healing we are experiencing from the sin of past offenses (other's and ours) and continuing forth with the mind of Christ, free from the bondage of perpetual offense.

copyright Barb Harwood

“But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:14-16

What Kind of a God Would...?

Many people walk away from, or won’t even consider or come to God based on the self-imposed question, “What kind of a God would allow suffering; What kind of a God would allow disease; What kind of a God would not intervene in storms, violence, and death?”

Now, the asking of the question is legitimate. 

It’s the not taking the time to explore the question and arrive at an answer that is, in turn, questionable in itself. 

Why not attempt to answer the question, since those asking it have obviously based a life decision, ideology and worldview on the asking of it? 

And notice that people rarely, if ever, ask, 

What kind of a God would provide assurance of everlasting life so that nobody ever has to live in bondage to the fear of death? 

What kind of a God would provide a Savior to rescue us from this present evil and again, assure us of life everlasting, free from all tears, pain and sin? 

What kind of a God would knit people in their mother’s wombs, being their Father from even before they were formed? 

What kind of a God would create the Alps, the Rockies, the Grand Canyon, whitewater rivers, fly-fishing streams, wildflower prairies, oak savannas and four unique seasons of every year?

What kind of a God would allow laughter, joy, peace, encouragement, humor, outdoor adventure, music and art?

What kind of a God would guarantee He is there in our suffering, disease, storms, violence and death? 

What kind of God would promise, and fulfill the promise, to send us an Advocate to live daily within us? 

What kind of God would place His Son at His right hand to intercede for us?

And what kind of a God would allow His human creations the autonomy and free will to reject Him by asking the question “What kind of a God would allow suffering….?" 

What kind of a God would give us that prerogative?

The independence we have from God is bestowed by Him: what would be the reaction of those who ask, “What kind of a God would allow suffering?" to a God who would not grant us the freedom to even ask that question in the first place? More resentment and harrumphing, I surmise.

In addition, If the folks who question God’s allowance of suffering only want a God who provides the circumstances that meet their own personal preference, then what about the personal preferences of others? Of those who perhaps would like a yet different set of circumstances from God?

What is God to do then to make people “happy” in unison, across the spectrum? 

The only way every person on earth would be 100% content with God is for God to make us generic, preprogrammed automatons. 

I am convinced it is simple, self-righteous pride to think that humans know better, or that cancer, hurricanes and death surprise God, as if, during creation, these things never occurred to Him. 

“And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘See to it that no one misleads you. For many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many. You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name. At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another. Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many. Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end will come.’” Matthew 24:4-13 

“Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha” (John 11:1); “So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, ‘Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.’ But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was” (John 11:3-6); “So Jesus then said to them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe, but let us go to him.’” (John 11:14-16); “Martha then said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ (john 11:21-23); Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even though he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?’ She said to Him, ‘Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.’” (John 11:25-27). 

When Jesus saw the people weeping over the death of Lazarus, he wept (John 11:35).

In Luke, Jesus weeps over the people’s rejection of His peace:

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not have it! Behold, your house is left to you desolate; and I say to you, you will not see Me until the time comes when you say, ‘BLESSED IS HE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!” Luke 13:34-35

“When He approached Jerusalem, He saw the city and wept over it, saying, ‘If you had known in this day, even you, the things which make for peace! But now they have been hidden from your eyes!” Luke 19:41-42

Nothing surprises God, and yet still God in Christ weeps with us. What kind of a God would do that?

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” Jesus, speaking in John 16:33b

And it is in Him, God’s gracious gift to us if we so choose it, that we, too, overcome the world minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, season by season, year by year—through cancer, flu, stroke, heart attack, depression, frustration, grief, loneliness, maligning, human rejection, broken relationships, financial hardships, fear, material and physical addictions, self-loathing, boredom, impatience, drudgery and disappointment.

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:3-5

“And blessed is he who does not take offense at Me.” Jesus, speaking in Matthew 11:6

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Jesus, speaking in Matthew 11:28-30.

copyright Barb Harwood

Copyright Barb Harwood

Christian Without A Christian Worldview

Christopher W. Brooks, in his book, Urban Apologetics: Why the Gospel is Good News for the City, writes, 

     "It is certainly worth restating that there is a major difference between someone who carries the label of 'Christian' and a person who possesses a Christian worldview. The problem is not that there are a low number of urban families who ascribe to some form of Christian practice, but that the research and data on these families reveal that, in spite of the high (although diminishing) proportion of people who profess to be followers of Christ, there are yet a small number of individuals and homes that truly adhere to a Christian worldview. In order to more fully understand the distinction I am making here, I would highly recommend the George Barna research brief entitled 'A Biblical Worldview Has a Radical Effect on a Person's Life,' published in 2003. In this groundbreaking study, Barna states, 'For the purposes of the research, a biblical worldview was defined as believing that absolute moral truths exist; that such truth is defined by the Bible; and firm belief in six specific religious views. Those views were that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life; God is the all-powerful and all-knowing Creator of the universe and He still rules it today; salvation is a gift from God and cannot be earned; Satan is real; a Christian has a responsibility to share their faith in Christ with other people; and the Bible is accurate in all of its teachings.'" Christopher W. Brooks


     

The Goodness Fallacy Embedded Within Relativism

Quote from Christopher W. Brooks, writing in his book, Urban Apologetics: Why the Gospel is Good News for the City:

"...the goodness fallacy embedded within relativism is the belief  that people are generally good and that we only misbehave when pressured by undesirable scenarios. The logic is that we shouldn't judge our own actions or the actions of others as wrong because we are all simply acting on the best choices available in light of the surrounding factors. This first deficiency is based on the presumption that evil only exists outside of us, an external enemy lurking somewhere in the shadows of our circumstances. This idea, however, couldn't be further from the teachings of Scripture. Consider the words of Jeremiah 17:9: 'The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?' Christians must reject any system of morality that is built upon the false assumption that people are basically good." Christopher W. Brooks

Steering Clear of Christian Liberalism and Christian Legalism

The following quote is from Christopher W. Brooks, writing in his book, Urban Apologetics: Why the Gospel is Good News for the City:

"Our social concern should be matched by our scriptural faithfulness. We should not experience a theological discomfort when it comes to this type of issues-focused, gospel-centered apologetic. The apostle Paul makes this clear in Ephesians 4:15 when he tells us to 'speak the truth in love.'Admittedly, this is much easier said than done and presents a tension for many in the church. The duty of balancing truth and love has proven to be quite elusive for the vast majority of believers, yet it is possible to find harmony between these two virtues.
History reminds us of the two major pitfalls that we must avoid in our attempts to help people experience salvation in both this life and the life to come. If we are to eschew the dysfunctions that result from giving in to either extreme of 'love' or 'truth,' namely Christian liberalism or Christian legalism, we must recognize the dangers associated with either of these two extremes. Truth and love are not mutually exclusive and must be married together in order to see the full glory of God in our evangelism. Whenever they are divorced, the gospel is stripped of its beauty and, more often than not, rejected by those who need it.
Christian liberalism has been the historic label given by conservative Christians to those who have become so committed to enhancing the living standards of people who suffer from the broken systems of our world that they lose sight of the central claims of the faith. We must never forget that although love is the primary ethic of the church, winning people to Christ is and always will be the primary mission of the church. To this end, the doctrines of sin, repentance, the uniqueness of Christ, and the sovereignty of God in all things are essential. Christianity is currently being crippled by professing believers who have convinced themselves that 'loving' people means that we have to give up on our commitment to the exclusive teachings of Scripture and the call to repentance that all individuals must submit to.
The best way to steer clear of this mistake is to remember that sin is the reason for the problems we face in society and what sent our Lord to the cross. The only remedy for our hostility toward God is to turn from self-centeredness and to fully trust in the Lord and faithfully obey His commands. The fundamental flaw that many well-meaning Christians make in their sincere but misguided compassion is to separate love from obedience.The words of Christ echo throughout all generations reminding us, 'If you love me, you will keep my commandments' (John 14:15).
The other trap that has frequently ensnared the church is what is commonly called Christian legalism. This is the antithesis of liberalism. Whenever Christians become so extremely dedicated to the letter of the law that they disregard those whom the law was created to protect and save, they become like the Pharisees of Christ's day. Jesus condemned those religious leaders for being more passionate about their tradition than they were about the precious people Christ had come to seek and to save. The only way we can avoid this type of legalism is to live in the awareness of Matthew 25:40: 'As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' By seeing the face of Christ when we look into the eyes of the homeless, the hungry, or the hurting, we ensure that the fruit of the Spirit will anchor our theology." Christopher W. Brooks



Lest we think that liberalism can happen only in "liberal Christianity," or that legalism can occur only in "conservative Christianity," in the coming days I will elaborate on how liberalism indeed has its own religious legalisms, and how some conservative, "Bible-believing" churches are succumbing to syncretism and liberalism. 

Salvation: To "Get to Heaven" Only?

One crutch people commonly use to walk away from the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the accusingly iterated claim that “Christians don’t care about life on earth. All they care about is getting saved so they can go to heaven.”

People can establish whatever they nonchalantly or self-deceptively want to establish. If they choose to allow an unexplored, unexamined and hastily made but long-held conclusion to inhibit further insight, that is their free choice, given to them, coincidentally, by God Himself.

But the barb about heaven, lobbed repeatedly at Christians and thus, at Christ Himself, is simply tiring due to its ignorant theology. 

A thorough and consistent reading of Scripture clearly sets the record straight on this stale cheap shot that Christianity is “only about going to heaven.”

Paul, in the very first chapter of Galatians, couldn’t be more direct in the purpose of Christ’s coming, and our blessing in believing:

“Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory for ever and ever, Amen.” Galatians 1:3-5

In case anyone missed it, I will specifically highlight:

“the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age…”

And it’s no coincidence that Paul, in the very next line after this, calls the Galatians to task for either missing (or not missing but deciding to alter), the very Gospel of Jesus Christ:

“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.” Galatians 1:6-7.

So, while some denominations, local churches, pastors, teachers and Christians may have emphasized “going to heaven” to the detriment of the entire Gospel of Christ--in fact creating a different gospel--so also have those who emphasize earthly “Christianity," with no care for or acceptance of eternal heaven. 

And I must fully disclose that, having attended—for major periods of time—many churches of various denominations, I can count only one church that emphasized one to the exclusion of the other: a liberal PCUSA church that didn’t believe in heaven or hell, but only social justice in the hands of intellectual people under the banner of a church. 

Every other church I have attended, be it Baptist, Evangelical, Bible-believing non-denominational, Reformed, or conservative Presbyterian, has emphasized both Jesus’ coming to rescue us from “the present evil age” and the blessing of eternal life in heaven with Christ. 

In fact, in being completely honest, I would have to say that the focus of faith-into-action within these latter churches and among Bible-believing Christians is outreach, education, crisis relief, feeding the hungry, addiction recovery, grief support, and small group community-building. 

The “going to heaven” part is certainly always there too, as something we can, as born-again believers, rest confident in and take to heart to comfort us—and others—in our present suffering and struggles. 

Not to say I haven’t met a Christian or two who evangelize from the premise of “don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?” And truth be told, don’t we all, really, want the assurance that we will go to heaven when we die, and the knowledge of how to gain that assurance? 

I personally don’t believe it for a minute when someone says they could care less about what happens after they die. In my opinion, that attitude merely reveals a hardened heart.

Evangelism conducted with a “heaven-only” end game is not true evangelism, and in my experience and observation, it’s not the evangelism I see taking place the majority of the time.

No doubt the fire and brimstone preachers of long ago past, and sometimes present day, have been a detriment at times. If that is the extent of their message, they are the purveyors of a “different gospel” by remaining bent on taking one glorious aspect of the Gospel and ignoring the rest (not to mention the lack of humility, grace and joy in their attempt to instill repentance). 

Or maybe it is the “three-step” or “four-step” Bible tracks randomly handed out, or the short “salvation prayer” offered up on behalf of a stranger at a cafe that have given the impression that salvation is a get-out-of-jail free card and now all we have to do is wait for our trip to the gold-paved streets of heaven. 

But that is not the Gospel of the Bible. That is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And it is not the Gospel that most Bible and Christ-believers live and hold sacred and desire for others to experience. 

The true Gospel of Christ, in Scripture, is that yes, we will spend an eternity with Christ in heaven:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16

“These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life.” 1 John 5:13

“But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, ‘DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the Law, but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:54-57

The true Gospel of Christ, in Scripture, is also that yes, Jesus came to rescue us from and in this present age:

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.” Ephesians 6:12-13

“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."   1 John 1:5-9

“For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is the one who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” 1 John 5:4-5

Jesus speaking:

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30

“And hearing this, Jesus said to them, ‘It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17

And when this happens in the lives of believers, increasingly so, the world here and now is indeed a much better and more just place.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is salvation in Him here and now and in heaven after death, eternally. 

And everything in between is the outworking of God in the lives of Christians unto spiritual maturity. 

The promise of heaven is what allows us to live in freedom from the fear of death; a fear so potent it is what lies behind sinful impulsivity, addiction, dysfunction and anxiety in those who walk the earth. And yet, Jesus came to free us from that fear of death with the promise of heaven in order that we can live joyous ives, in spite of sickness and trouble:

“Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.” Hebrews 2:14-15

Without heaven, we are slaves to the fear of death. With heaven, we are free to live in His rescue of us from all that would impede, trouble and sicken us here on earth; to learn and live out His wisdom in loving fellowship with one another. 

“What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of Life—and the life was manifested, and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifested to us—what we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ. These things we write, so that our joy may be made complete.” 1 John 1:1-4

copyright Barb Harwood