As Christians, other-centeredness is so pummeled into us that sometimes we become doormats, or ultra-serious martyrs, making “sacrifices” in the name of Christ that don’t afford ourselves a consideration equal to others.
Paul discusses this in a different context in Second Corinthians chapter eight when he talks about balance.
In other words, the idea is to not give one’s self away in the name of “other-centeredness” that results in mental and emotional depletion.
And I believe we can find the balance, finally, that Paul talks about only in a place where we can clear our hearts and minds and objectively question the often well-meaning but frequently manipulative (and self-centered) peer pressure of a pastor, congregation and other Christians.
This stepping back in order to ponder and consider is often necessary due to the one-way road of behavior and belief expectations from those more prominent and outspoken which often degrades and minimizes the originality, temperament and unique gifts of God that exist within the larger, diverse gathering.
What unfortunately happens, especially with new Christians or youth in Christian homes and churches, is that they feel they must forgo who they innately are in order to measure up to a humanly-Christianized ideal (and by "who they are" I am not talking about the sin nature but about the personhood creatively crafted by God Himself).
That ideal is typically groomed and advocated by those who are not, in fact, putting others before themselves, but instead fulfilling a worldview agenda, succumbing to church pride, or using numbers of conversion, giving and growth to affirm themselves. They preach their picture of Christian community and service in the fervent expectation that others get on board.
In truth, Christians, when taught to be other-centered, are not, in the Bible, told to lose their assertiveness, personalities, or personal lives. They are not told to neglect their minds, but to “test everything,” not in order to be rebellious, but to keep Jesus, God and His Spirit, first.
What it comes down to is, must I, as a Christian, really forfeit all of myself in lieu of others?
Certainly the answer is "yes" if this is my joy and willing heart and mind to do so! And we will gladly know this by an all-encompassing sense of peace and courage between ourselves and God. But I find this to be quite extraordinarily, and sincerely, rare.
And what if it is not my joy and willing heart and mind to reject everything I am and ever was in the name of “other-centeredness”? What if I do not have internal peace, especially with God?
Then we meet with Jesus, God and His Spirit and straighten things out. We ask God to bring us into a right understanding and put a right Spirit within us, no matter how long it takes.
And if it means stepping away, or going in a different direction from the one we’ve known, we allow God to handle the details by focusing on living in His grace and wisdom, keeping our conscience with Him as clear as we possibly can as we learn a fresh, maturing way.
If God indeed shows no partiality, if God loves all of us equally, then we, each one of us, matters equally.
And while yes, we are certainly to be other-centered, so is everyone else in the Christian community.
Jesus is emphatic when He highlights the two most important actions, the second of which is this:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Let’s not miss the respectfully foundational and underlying implication of Jesus here that we are to love ourself too.
Copyright Barb Harwood
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