My definition of baggage is that which internally distorts, distrusts, enlarges and fears, breeding ill-will, insecurity, hypersensitivity, awkwardness, self-centeredness, jealousy and discontent.
The behaviors that ensue are an outwardly verbal and internally critical spirit, retreat, sarcasm, anger, self-promotion and constant needy calls for assurance. All in varying degrees, depending on where a person is emotionally and mentally.
Everyone has baggage.
To deny that universal truth is to prove it!
And for me, as has been obvious from the years of postings on this blog, the only way I was able, beginning at age 38, to actually face into and constructively deal with my baggage, has, and continues to be, through the encompassing love, wisdom, objectivity, mentoring and parenting of God, Jesus and the Spirit.
And while I at times have questioned if I am not simply indulging in the socially stigmatized act of “navel-gazing,” I can honestly answer by saying that, certainly at times, I, as others, have navel-gazed (woe-is-me, feeling sorry for one’s self, self-analyzing with no intention to really get to the bottom of it but only to try a new pill, device, app, medicinal herb, “mindfulness,” or put one's head back in the sand and do nothing).
To only navel-gaze is to indeed earn the negative verdict upon its employ.
What has allowed, however, many of us to unpack, permanently, that baggage, is a matter-of-fact, very painful but ready-to-be-brave sincerity, of both contrite and forgiving transparency enabled by God.
This, among other things, is the birth out of denial and into reality, not only of one’s self, but others, and from that spot on the map, one embarks upon the road of forward progress.
Mind you, this is a very internal work, with outward results not often readily apparent.
But over time, it gels with all aspects of inward and outward daily life as the lightness-from-where luggage-used-to-be morphs into quiet peace, joy, playfulness and fun, along with steadiness of spirit in sobering and sad times.
So when I quote individuals, as I recently did Cy Curnin and Pat Martino, who talked about joy replacing striving, I am not advocating narcissism or hedonism.
What I love about what they have realized in their mature years is that they haven’t stopped doing what they love or are good at; they do it now without the baggage: without the having to prove anything, without the competitiveness, without the constant degrading of one’s talent and abilities (not to mention sheer joy) by always trying to self-actualize.
So if we love to volunteer, for example, we don’t have to stop in order to have fun: We bring the fun to the volunteering:
We stop worrying about receiving credit (even though we would never admit we are hoping to receive credit!).
We don’t compare ourselves to others who are either doing more, or less, than us.
We don’t feel guilty when we give up our post because we simply loathe the position and would love to be doing something else; or yes, after years and years of service, maybe doing nothing at all for a while.
In fact, I think the words of yet another wisely and joyfully aging person say it best:
“If something’s not working and we don’t look at it, rip it down and start again, then we’re perpetuating the same intimidating force.” Jamie Lee Curtis.
The intimidation she mentions comes from, she said, a quote by E.L. Doctorow:
“When ideas go unexamined and unchallenged for a long enough time, they become mythological and very, very powerful. They create conformity. They intimidate.”
One could go one hundred different directions with Doctorow’s quote, but for this context, I would unpack it this way:
When we ourselves go unexamined by ourselves under the tutelage of God, over time we, and those we either delusionally admire, dislike or disagree with, become mythological and very, very powerful. They, and we, compel us into conformity, and intimidate whenever we attempt to logically examine and break free from that conformity.
As Curtis said,
“I realized it’s about calcification. It’s about creating conformity so you don’t rebel. That was me.”
That is us when we go along un-discerningly with a family dynamic, educational system, church or politicking.
We conform when we fail to explore and examine, and exploring and examining entails an honest, non-agendized consideration of the actual facts and context of each person, group, event and situation.
And that involves going back to where I began this post: to the baggage.
Because the baggage of an unexamined and un-acted upon life will stagnate the getting of anywhere.
Copyright Barb Harwood
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