The Necessary Positive of Self Doubt

We have come to a point in time where the uncritical liking of one’s self is, in the words of Bob Dylan, a “disease of conceit:” 

Go on BrainyQuotes.com and you will see platitudinal quotes ad nauseam on overcoming, ignoring, strong-arming, and the outright killing of inner personal doubt. 

Ironically, doubt about almost everything else is allowed, but never about oneself.

Isn’t that odd? Why is inner doubt the unforgivable sin of secular humanism?

Why is self-doubt the thing to be avoided at all costs?

Why is it to be shunned, eradicated, beaten, conquered, overthrown and pummeled into complete oblivion?

Because inner doubt—the doubt that convicts, discerns, sheds light on, creates insight, and brings perspective, usually takes our mind off of ourselves and re-directs it towards other people and the wider circle of circumstances in which we may find ourselves. In short, it breeds empathy, the ability to see another’s point of view, cooperation, and lo and behold, perhaps even an admission that we were wrong, (which would then require an apology)! We can’t have that, now, can we (says the earthly power that prowls this dark and fallen world).  

And thus, that glorious momentary clarity of self-doubt is quickly gobbled up, like Pac Man eating his way through the maze, in order that we can quickly “recover” back to our self-centered, selfish, ego-centric selves where we talk our minds into believing that we are right after all and we have all the answers. That we actually didn’t do, say or think anything amiss. It was stupid to even think so. 

If people are unable to squash self-doubt through such delusional, “positive” self talk, then their next course of action is to turn to gambling, drugs, sex, shopping, drinking, television (Binge Watching has become quite the pastime), obsessive exercise or a preoccupation with every morsel we put into our bodies. 

All of it is intended to keep the mind from going to where the Devil doesn’t want it to go: to loathing, distrust, skepticism and, ultimately, contrition within and about one’s self.

Of course, C. S. Lewis describes this brilliantly and humorously in his book, The Screwtape Letters.

And to return to Dylan’s song, it doesn’t end well for folks:

“There’s a whole lot of people in trouble tonight from the disease of conceit

Whole lot of people seeing trouble tonight from the disease of conceit

Give you delusions of grandeur and an evil eye

Give you the idea that you’re too good to die

Then they bury you from head to your feet 

From the disease of conceit.”

The battle for souls is fought first and foremost within the confines of this strong and stubborn self-will that has been raised, at least in my experience, to believe that the self is the greatest thing and is to be protected, coddled and mollified at all costs. 

In this dysfunctional wolrdview, the self is incapable of being at fault: we must over-ride any notions of being less-than. And we do this through grandiose self-talk and the application of the tenets of the socially constructed esteem movement  that demands—insists—that we are, have been and always will be fine, just the way we are. 

And yet, in the early morning quiet of daybreak, along with the sun, doubt also rises.

Or, as we lay awake at night thinking and re-thinking our actions, words, and attitudes, and we are filled with misgivings about how we handled something, or about our perspective, or about contentment with ourselves, and needled to the point of mental exhaustion yet without the rescue of sleep, doubt at these times cannot so easily be swept under the rug.

In this way, self-doubt is our very ticket out of self-will and into free will: the free will of Christ alone. But first we have to stop hardening our hearts and minds against what God is telling us through our doubt about ourselves. 

With Christ, we obtain the freedom to finally gain the victory and redemption over ourselves that, ironically, is also a mantra of humanism. Go figure. First humanism wants us to love ourselves by casting out all doubt about ourselves, but then, in the very next breath they are saying that we need to be better and stronger, redeeming ourselves at every turn (ever watch the Olympics? Count how many times the commentators use the word “redemption.”). 

But it is all, as the rock song goes, “dust in the wind” because as long as self-will is driving the bus, the self will never be content because the self will always carry within itself the doubt that can never be redeemed by self! It’s impossible. 

And the evidence is all around us.

Only when I came to the end of myself—and born again Christians will all attest to this—was my doubt finally allowed to reign in me unhindered. That’s when the doubt within put me on the road to redemption by forcing me to willingly face into the following realized truths:

If I’m so great, why does my life feel like such a failure?

I don’t, after all, have all the answers.

I am not a good person.

I am not a nice person.

I am not content. 

I am not getting along with everyone “just fine.”

I am not getting along with myself “just fine.”

I am not “just fine.”

When we refuse to authorize permission to the culture or our selves to assuage our inner doubt, and instead tackle it head on, we begin to experience the victory and redemption that is available in and through Jesus Christ alone.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

We must not only see, but acknowledge and agree with the truth about ourselves. 

And the secure way to do that, the way that leads to ultimate maturity, integrity and other-centeredness—the only way to do that—is through Christ. 

He will guide us through the process, every step of the way. He will not leave us as orphans (John 14:18). 

Only with Him will we be able to face the horror of our inner selves and not be crushed by that revelation. 

Only with Him will we come to see the gunk inside of us that we had been trying to tell ourselves wasn’t there. 

Only with Him will we come to see that gunk for what it is, sin, and ourselves for what we are, sinners. 

Only with Him will we understand that the answer to that sin is Jesus Christ. 

He is the only way out of ourselves. He is the “get out of jail free” card. 

But first we must admit and concede that we are in a jail.

And then we must admit and concede that the jail is self.

And then we must admit and concede that we don’t want to be in jail anymore.

And then we must admit and concede that we have been living lives with the sole purpose of distracting ourselves from our true sinful condition.

And then we must admit and concede that we can’t do anything about our true condition.

And then we must admit and concede that there is One Who Can: Jesus.

Insecurity and self-loathing are never going to go away on their own. I mean, let’s just name the elephant in the room: until Christ enters in, we can’t stand ourselves! (In spite of the motivational posters, self-esteem Facebook quotes, good karma vibes and chakras emanating, apparently, throughout the stratosphere and able to be corralled by well meaning but sadly misinformed  friends that would have us believe otherwise).

It’s when we get to the point of herculean honesty, to taking 100% ownership over what we’ve known to be true all along but tried to run from with lies—the truth that we need to, and in fact, want to, come to the end of ourself, that God Himself is opening His door to Christ.

copyright Barb Harwood

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Matthew 11:15

Rejecting the Bible on a False Assumption

Christopher W. Brooks, writing in his book, Urban Apologetics: Why the Gospel is Good News for the City, addresses the common accusation used to deny Scripture that Christianity has a historical track record of behaving poorly--that Christians have failed by turning a blind eye to oppression, or by being the actual oppressor. 

However, this is selectively unfair, since, as Brooks points out, just because people call themselves Christian, or conduct themselves under the banner of a Christian church, doesn't mean they are actually Christian. 

Secondly, those who reject Christianity based on a negative historical record at the same time do not acknowledge the positive historical record of true Christians, such as William Wilberforce, Martin Luther King, Jr., Catherine Booth, Elizabeth Fry, Harriet Tubman...the list goes on. 

Again, as I have pointed out previously, many folks base their personal ideology and worldview on unexplored negative criticisms just so that they can reject God and/or Jesus Christ, along with the Bible. But it is an ignorant rejection, as Brooks makes clear:

     Focusing on oppression at the hands of supposed Christians "can lead to false conclusions if one is not careful. Merely claiming to follow Jesus is entirely different from actually following Jesus. One can nominally claim to follow Jesus and yet disregard His teaching and continually break all of His commands. However, one cannot actually follow or love Jesus while disregarding His teaching and continually breaking His commands. Doing so proves that such a person is neither obeying nor following Jesus.
     It is entirely fallacious to argue that the Bible is false because someone in history failed to obey it or chose not to apply it. It is equally fallacious to argue that the Bible is false because various people in history tried to read their own erroneous ideas into it or twist and stretch the interpretation of a passage in an attempt to make it support their personal opinions. It is not the Bible that is being irresponsible or wrong, but rather the people who do such things." Christopher W. Brooks

And to judge Christianity based on a false premise is equally detrimental. 

How Do We Deal With Offense?

How do we deal with having been offended?

Take the log out of our own eye:

“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

Now, Matthew 7 needs to be read in its entirety, because the verses found in it that talk about judging have often been mis-applied. When we read the entire chapter, we find that not judging and then judging are both allowed. But I’ll save that for another day.

The point I’m getting at here is quite specific: the part about taking the log out of our own eye. 

And we do that by, whenever we take offense, the very next thought being, 

“How have I offended throughout my life?” 

That might sting, but I guarantee it will lessen the pain of another person’s having offended us. 

So, if we are offended that we did not get an invitation to a wedding or other social event, recall how we ourselves have not invited people to certain things. Everyone can’t logically be invited to every party, backyard barbecue and life event. Many variables are at play (including the fact that some people are not party-givers and thus, celebrate more intimately. Extroverts need to check themselves on this point, especially when the introverts in their life have played nicely and attended most of their gatherings. If invitations are expected in reciprocity, then we need to examine why it is exactly that we are hosting an event in the first place). I digress…

Instead of letting offense make us think the worst of people and their motivations, or, by the same token, allow our thinking the worst of people to lead to our automatically taking offense, how about taking a deep breath and remember that life is difficult and complicated for everyone, not just us, and that we would hope people--especially those we call family and close friends, would be able to love us with a fair amount of understanding (and honesty with the person—not backstabbing—when understanding does not come easily). 

Continuing on with some examples:

If we are offended that so-and-so didn’t come to a funeral, recall how we did not attend a funeral in the past.

If we are offended at a short answer from a clerk, billing agent, or person at a party, recall how we, too, at times, have responded curtly due to a bad day, or because of feeling, “I just wasn’t in the mood to run into that person and chat in the store” that we’ve all experienced. Maybe we’re in a hurry, or just want to get home after a long day, or our spouse called and it’s bedlam at home, or we’re downtrodden with a cold, whatever. We just weren’t in the mood; my bad, not yours! (note to self: stop taking everything personally!)

If we are offended at a mistake that a niece, nephew, or offspring has made, recall the mistake (more likely mistakes, plural) we ourselves have made, especially when young and naive.

If we are offended by gossip about us, recall how we have gossiped.

If we are offended by rules that stymie us and the people who carry out those rules, recall how we, too, have a job that we have to do in order to not get fired, and that this offending person, just like us, is simply doing their job. 

If we are offended by paying someone what we think an exorbitant price for something, recall that we, too, earn a paycheck, albeit perhaps in a corporate or office setting, and that, just like us, this entrepreneur must charge money for their expertise and service, and the fact that they are painting our house or cleaning our gutters is beside the point. They are making a living and providing an essential service, just as we are.

If we are offended by politicians doing a “lousy” job, recall the times we’ve been in places of leadership, or have served on a committee, and the headache of making everyone happy all of the time and how excruciatingly frustrating it is, and how we had to work with the team to arrive at a consensus that we would have preferred not to arrive at. If it was difficult for us, it is just as difficult for them.

Getting the picture?

We as a society, and as individuals, have mastered, and continue to refine, the very ugly art of nursing wounds, never forgiving, white-knuckle holding to labels (Democrat, Republican, for example), never forgetting even the smallest infraction...in short: sitting on our high horse of self-righteousness to the point that we are so above everybody that the only way anyone can touch us is through offense. 

Entrepreneur and owner of the Dallas Mavericks Mark Cuban two days ago made a beautiful point when he said, 

“One of the most underrated skills in business right now is being nice.” 

Matthew 5:38-48 explains how we can be nice in spite of offense (and again, we need to really dig deep to discern whether the offense was intentional, or whether we might have misunderstood). 

Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean the offense didn’t happen. 

It means we are able to let it go in forgiveness by remembering we, too, have offended. 

If the offense is the kind that is dangerous to the point of mental manipulation and character assassination, or physical harm, then certainly one puts distance between one’s self and the other person (again, vowing ourselves not to be “that guy”). 

But even then, forgiveness through recalling our own log in our own selves is the way to eradicate hanging on to that person’s offense. We need to let their offense go so they-- and what they’ve done to us--doesn’t continue to haunt us. Just as the Lord has compassion on us in our sin, we can have compassion on other’s in their sin, even while keeping ourselves at a distance. 

Mark Cuban went on to say, 

“I went through my own metamorphosis, if you will. Early on in my career, I was like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam—I might curse. I might get mad. And then I just got to the point—I wouldn’t have wanted to do business with me when I was in my 20’s.”

What a lovely confession!

It’s never too late to turn the other cheek as an attitude and response. 

Certainly we acknowledge another person’s apology and listen to another person’s confession and don’t just say, “Oh, don’t worry about it.” I do believe it is imperative to all involved to allow a repentant person to say they are sorry and to confess whatever it is on their heart, regardless of what we think about it. And then we can listen to and acknowledge—not deny—their words and verbalize our forgiveness now, and going forward. 

If we are the person turning over a new leaf and, like Cuban, rescinding our animosity and self-protective, self-centered motives, and attempting to forge a new path in current relationships, don’t expect others to jump on board. They might be, and quite likely are, still caught up in a pattern of taking offense. And if we are someone they have taken offense at in the past, their hearts may be hardened against us, in spite of our expressing our love for and to them. That’s okay. 

The main thing is to keep removing the log from our own heart and mind and celebrate the inner healing we are experiencing from the sin of past offenses (other's and ours) and continuing forth with the mind of Christ, free from the bondage of perpetual offense.

copyright Barb Harwood

“But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:14-16

What Kind of a God Would...?

Many people walk away from, or won’t even consider or come to God based on the self-imposed question, “What kind of a God would allow suffering; What kind of a God would allow disease; What kind of a God would not intervene in storms, violence, and death?”

Now, the asking of the question is legitimate. 

It’s the not taking the time to explore the question and arrive at an answer that is, in turn, questionable in itself. 

Why not attempt to answer the question, since those asking it have obviously based a life decision, ideology and worldview on the asking of it? 

And notice that people rarely, if ever, ask, 

What kind of a God would provide assurance of everlasting life so that nobody ever has to live in bondage to the fear of death? 

What kind of a God would provide a Savior to rescue us from this present evil and again, assure us of life everlasting, free from all tears, pain and sin? 

What kind of a God would knit people in their mother’s wombs, being their Father from even before they were formed? 

What kind of a God would create the Alps, the Rockies, the Grand Canyon, whitewater rivers, fly-fishing streams, wildflower prairies, oak savannas and four unique seasons of every year?

What kind of a God would allow laughter, joy, peace, encouragement, humor, outdoor adventure, music and art?

What kind of a God would guarantee He is there in our suffering, disease, storms, violence and death? 

What kind of God would promise, and fulfill the promise, to send us an Advocate to live daily within us? 

What kind of God would place His Son at His right hand to intercede for us?

And what kind of a God would allow His human creations the autonomy and free will to reject Him by asking the question “What kind of a God would allow suffering….?" 

What kind of a God would give us that prerogative?

The independence we have from God is bestowed by Him: what would be the reaction of those who ask, “What kind of a God would allow suffering?" to a God who would not grant us the freedom to even ask that question in the first place? More resentment and harrumphing, I surmise.

In addition, If the folks who question God’s allowance of suffering only want a God who provides the circumstances that meet their own personal preference, then what about the personal preferences of others? Of those who perhaps would like a yet different set of circumstances from God?

What is God to do then to make people “happy” in unison, across the spectrum? 

The only way every person on earth would be 100% content with God is for God to make us generic, preprogrammed automatons. 

I am convinced it is simple, self-righteous pride to think that humans know better, or that cancer, hurricanes and death surprise God, as if, during creation, these things never occurred to Him. 

“And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘See to it that no one misleads you. For many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many. You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs.

Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name. At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another. Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many. Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end will come.’” Matthew 24:4-13 

“Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha” (John 11:1); “So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, ‘Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.’ But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was” (John 11:3-6); “So Jesus then said to them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe, but let us go to him.’” (John 11:14-16); “Martha then said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ (john 11:21-23); Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even though he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?’ She said to Him, ‘Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.’” (John 11:25-27). 

When Jesus saw the people weeping over the death of Lazarus, he wept (John 11:35).

In Luke, Jesus weeps over the people’s rejection of His peace:

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not have it! Behold, your house is left to you desolate; and I say to you, you will not see Me until the time comes when you say, ‘BLESSED IS HE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD!” Luke 13:34-35

“When He approached Jerusalem, He saw the city and wept over it, saying, ‘If you had known in this day, even you, the things which make for peace! But now they have been hidden from your eyes!” Luke 19:41-42

Nothing surprises God, and yet still God in Christ weeps with us. What kind of a God would do that?

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” Jesus, speaking in John 16:33b

And it is in Him, God’s gracious gift to us if we so choose it, that we, too, overcome the world minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, season by season, year by year—through cancer, flu, stroke, heart attack, depression, frustration, grief, loneliness, maligning, human rejection, broken relationships, financial hardships, fear, material and physical addictions, self-loathing, boredom, impatience, drudgery and disappointment.

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:3-5

“And blessed is he who does not take offense at Me.” Jesus, speaking in Matthew 11:6

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Jesus, speaking in Matthew 11:28-30.

copyright Barb Harwood

Copyright Barb Harwood

Christian Without A Christian Worldview

Christopher W. Brooks, in his book, Urban Apologetics: Why the Gospel is Good News for the City, writes, 

     "It is certainly worth restating that there is a major difference between someone who carries the label of 'Christian' and a person who possesses a Christian worldview. The problem is not that there are a low number of urban families who ascribe to some form of Christian practice, but that the research and data on these families reveal that, in spite of the high (although diminishing) proportion of people who profess to be followers of Christ, there are yet a small number of individuals and homes that truly adhere to a Christian worldview. In order to more fully understand the distinction I am making here, I would highly recommend the George Barna research brief entitled 'A Biblical Worldview Has a Radical Effect on a Person's Life,' published in 2003. In this groundbreaking study, Barna states, 'For the purposes of the research, a biblical worldview was defined as believing that absolute moral truths exist; that such truth is defined by the Bible; and firm belief in six specific religious views. Those views were that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life; God is the all-powerful and all-knowing Creator of the universe and He still rules it today; salvation is a gift from God and cannot be earned; Satan is real; a Christian has a responsibility to share their faith in Christ with other people; and the Bible is accurate in all of its teachings.'" Christopher W. Brooks