What is the Narrow Gate?

 

When I began writing in this spot on September 23, 2008, the verse Matthew 7:13-14, which I chose as the founding guide for what would appear here, held a meaning different than what it does today.

Initially, in my very young and as-yet unexplored and inexperienced thought-world of God, the verse stood out in its focus on separation-from so as to deprive as much fallenness from life as possible. 

Charles Spurgeon aptly describes the manner in which I applied the verse:

“When you only stand at the door of virtue, for nothing but to keep sin out.”

That is something I rather needed back then, with sobriety from chronic binge and dependent drinking having recently taken root. At that time, I required a wall of protection from anything associated with my past drinking: its establishment, prolonging, encouragement and romanticization. That included the music that had embellished, the family of origin that had curated, the towns that had normalized and the thinking that had justified.

All of it had to go in the sense that I could not relate to or include those elements in my life in the same way as before, or, sometimes, at all. 

The narrow path, then, was my line of demarcation upon which I stayed the course—like the bar that steadies our taking of a pano photograph on an i-Phone. The minute I wavered off that line, a black edge appeared and threatened to swallow the entire picture if I did not quickly correct and re-align.

Over time, to my dismayed hindsight—the verse about the narrow path became more about judgement of those not on it. 

In that negatively other-focused way, I sourced a warped sense of spiritual pride and personal superiority: a getting back at all those people and places I was convinced had been the reasons for my drinking and its subsequent sabotaging of the maturity, integrity and accomplishment I could otherwise have attained. This disdain extended to what the corporate church perceived and led one to believe was “wrong with the world” and those causing it.

But, as God would have it—in a turn I can hardly explain or put my finger on in the details, and only came to grasp in His progressive revelation of reality—He reigned-in the long leash he had loosely gripped which had allowed me to indulge—for a time—“the ways the world has been, and is, against me,” and then began convincing me that victimhood or martyrdom isn’t exactly the point of the Matthew verse, or of faith in general. 

God said, (and of course I am merely giving voice to His meditative feedback here. For the record, God has never literally spoken words to me):

“Look: you’ve lived the militant, keep-your-Christian-nose-clean interpretation of this verse. And you sustained victory over drinking. 

But then, as you progressed to a more confident mindset, and began to live in your new-normal of relationship with Christ, you “got-it” that those not on the path are missing out, but you got it with un-helpful animosity and an un-called for and disturbingly high regard for yourself.”

When I saw and faced into this, I absolutely agreed with God and was readily willing to not stay in that phase. 

So God said: 

“Let’s take a closer look at Matthew 17:13-14, and as we do, see if we can fathom what the verse actually conveys and ultimately hopes to instill.”

So that’s what God and I did. 

It took several years. 

It took exiting any and all corporate church and “para-church” organizations. 

It meant jettisoning labels of all religious movements and established practices. 

It meant jettisoning labels of all secular movements and established practices.

It meant, not monkhood—which I was cerebrally tempted by—but just living as the person I had become thus far with God, but now in a practical, objective and logical manner, and starting there. 

It was a bit like beginning all over again, only this time maintaining the foundation of love, compassion and impartiality for all of the Triune God—the very underpinnings of the Gospel which I had lost site of, and perhaps never internalized. 

And now adding the mind.

What the Matthew verse began to reveal about itself during these years of clarified contemplation of God, with God, is the prediction that, what very few will find is purity of God, Jesus, the Spirit and their word. Not just their word written in the Bible, but written upon each individual heart. 

Alternatively, a broad road also exists, one the verse points out as being quite readily tread, so therefore, must be easy. 

This opposing option of travel I envision as spacious lanes paralleling a boulevard adorned, not with life-enhancing landscaping, but constructed of resentment, animosity, jealousy, pride, religious high-regard, malcontentedness, self-absorption, selfish ambition—all of which stem from a lack of God-imbued inner conviction matched with inner reflection—and all of which breed ill will and hatred. 

And a majority, even of the religious, will experience some aspect of this wide road’s destructive impact as they self-justifyingly and willingly—albeit perhaps ignorantly—traverse upon it.

The degree to which we desire and grant to navigate with those dark and defeating motivations and attitudes, we exist outside the small gate that unlatches to the heart of God, and thus, to His heart within each one of us. 

This is the heart God is concerned with and in fact, I believe based on Scripture, the only thing, in the reality of life and faith, God appraises. 

The narrow gate, then, the constricted path—purity of God—is difficult only in its being finally arrived at.

It is shattering in its destructive simpleness. 

Which is why, perhaps, so few find it, and for those who do, can take a very long time.

Copyright Barb Harwood

What's Wrong With the World

 

What’s wrong with the world is those of us who are focused solely on what’s wrong with the world, solving only our infantile-like need for self-importance, superiority, and/or victimhood, and nothing more. 

copyright Barb Harwood

The Narrow and the Wide

To consciously embark through the narrow gate is to reject Pop-Christianity, that continually amorphous, shape-shifting monster that continues to lure, and then hypnotize, its victims.

Be it liberal bleeding heart "Christian" justice-signaling and New Agism, or conservative "Christian" nationalizing and culture-stigmatizing, the hate that emanates from both against anyone with a lifestyle, political identity or religious belief contrary to their self-diagnosed and decided upon Jesus is the bulldozer that expands the street, making way for additional emotionally and psychologically immature adherents.

This hate is masked, and thus promulgated, by its groupies and fan base as justified self-righteousness. 

In liberal circles, this disdain claims ownership of their chosen minority, donning blinders to actual and positive progress that threatens its narcissistic addiction to relevance and self-aggrandizement. The notes of its Kumbaya are sung only to the ears of those like them.  

On the conservative side, it plays out, in equal blindness, as compassionate concern for the "unsaved" and the attacked-by-culture nation, with “their" God overtly on “their” side, and Satan the ever-persistent and present opponent (if Satan is behind everyone they disagree with, hate is so much easier). 

And so the avenue of supposed Christian spirituality widens in self-serving boldness and vehement posturing, all jockeying in egotistical belief to be “The Way.” 

Meanwhile, the narrow gate and footpath of Christ remains.

Upon it, the wisely discerning gracefully reject the multi-lane human highways of a co-opted Christ running roughshod across the land.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Authentically Assertive

Many of us sabotage—through worrying about other people’s negative perceptions and comments—the joy, maturity and contentment that comes with having done the work that has resulted in our ability to finally grow into our true selves, and be that self. 

We subject the positive we have attained to the negative that continues to threaten us. 

As this wrestling of who I am versus what others judge or expect me to be comes to a head, the words "authentically assertive" come to mind.

I have come up with a definition that, for me, cuts the umbilical cord to "what-others-may-think" and allows me to remain assuredly in my own lane. 

Authentic assertiveness, then, is this:

The attained actual sense, courage, confidence and—especially—grace, to do what is right but in the manner of who I am, formed by personal experience and progress in maturity—and lived out true to the values I have come to hold—even if they differ from or go against “family-think,” culture, or the wider group absolutes of expected behavior and socially constructed and mandated “shoulds.”

And then, of equal importance, letting the chips of other people’s and people-groups’ opinions and criticisms fall where they may.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Early Grief

Grief is something not always experienced at the time of physical loss. Often it happens years earlier, in a single moment, or more subtly—in increments—over months drawn out into decades.

When grief is located earlier on the timeline of death, it is usually because the reality of a relationship with another person, or the behavior of that person, has been able to be put into proper context, allowing an emotional working—through which leads to a realistic acceptance. 

In this, the grieving person frequently finds peace with the other person, and with themselves, that otherwise would never have happened.

That is because this early grief, as I like to call it, frees the grieving person, finally, from wishing and hoping.

When a relationship or person can be truly and unequivocally accepted as never going to change, grief can, and does, usually follow at some point (anger or other emotions may precede grief, and as those are worked through, then grief can flow). 

This acceptance ends the never-ending cycle of getting one’s hopes up only to have them dashed once again.

Acceptance brings wishing to a stop as well, because the grief of dreams not panning out is essentially what acknowledges that the dream is dead, and in fact, was a dead dream all along (in spite of many efforts by the grieving person over the years to make it come true). 

To better illustrate this, we can take the example of an alcoholic parent, for whom everything was tried to assist them towards, and support them in, sobriety, to no avail. Once honest and sincere acceptance that this person is not going to change, or respond to anyone’s efforts and love, occurs, we can and most likely will, have no other response but to grieve. 

It’s what the world calls “reality sinking in.”

The grief experienced in this situation is for the admitting that there is nothing more one can do for the parent’s alcoholism, but it is also for the lost relationship that could have been but never was (or was once, and lost to drinking). 

And it is also for the life the parent has lost to their own drinking.

One may also grieve over no longer holding out any hope, which has, in the past, provided some semblance of comfort, along with the delusion of, “If we could just find the right answer (or pray hard enough), we could control the situation."

It isn’t that we give up and call it quits once reality, and healthy grief, takes place. 

Certainly if the alcoholic rallies and begins steps to recovery, one can—making sure to manage expectations—be there for the person. 

It is more a matter of attitude and perspective. 

Once the grieving person has found closure in the situation being what it is, they are always open to the alcoholic’s recovery, but not expecting it. 

Having grieved, they move on in peace that, when and if the time comes for the parent’s sobriety, the son or daughter will be in a much better place to maintain an objective, and cautious approach and response—made all the easier by the fact that they have already grieved. Any emotions—and delusional dreaming—that recur will be much easier to keep in check.

So when the day comes that the alcoholic passes from this earth, and some of those related to them do not appear to be in grief, it is because the grief the onlookers are expecting to see has taken place months, years, or even decades before. 

I used an alcoholic as an obvious example. But this process applies to a variety of every day relationships and situations, the details of which are unique to each and every person, mind and heart. 

I believe the stereotypical measure of grief, based on how much emotional output is exerted at a funeral, or even in the last years or days of a loved one, is a misread.

Early grief is just as much grief as present, sudden, “at-the-funeral” grief, and is also expressed through tears and anguish—most likely when nobody was around to notice, and occurring long before a deceased’s heart stopped beating.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Opinionating

Merriam-Webster dictionary states that the word “opinionate” is “obsolete.” 

But before it was deemed  “obsolete,” the word meant “grounded on opinion; “lacking firm factual basis.”

So, I ask, why in the world has Merriam-Webster declared the word “opiniate” obsolete when it has been, increasingly so, many folks’ very pastime?

Granted, there is such a thing as a doctor’s experienced opinion, or a court-judge’s legal opinion. I’m not talking about that here.

I’m zeroing in on the opinionating, specifically, about another person or persons, and that to opinionate in this manner is to gossip. 

Merriam-Webster defines gossip as “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others.” 

Now, Merriam-Webster has further definitions, but I stop at this one because it is what I run into most often, especially with extended family, who often think that, not only do they have the right as a family member to share another member’s news, but that this sharing is not gossip. 

Therefore, I thank Merriam-Webster profusely for defining what I have understood gossip to be all along: the sharing—especially chronically, of other people’s news, stories, purchases, plans and so forth.

Most “Those Who Think They are in the Know” types are so focused on the fact that they are the bearer of news that they never get around to noticing, or even pausing to consider, how this popping of other people’s balloons, stealing their thunder, or just divulging anything and everything as soon as they get the microphone, might irritate the bejabbers out of people who would prefer that their news, stories and purchases be theirs to do with as they please. Especially when this sharing of “news” undermines other people’s relationships with each other, not to mention that with “Loose Lips."

When a person participates in opinionating about others on a constant basis, they can develop a false understanding of the person being opinionated about (especially if they refuse to actually talk to and interact with the person being discussed). 

The opinionators instead rely upon their own, or other opinionators’ takeaways, and then begin to believe that they truly and honestly know the person being trashed, discussed, lamented over, or “worried” about (the worry being feigned so as to ignite initial, or more, opinionating!). 

In actuality, these conjecturing instigators are usually way off base.

I point this out because I am well acquainted with people who amaze me in their ability to know right from wrong, and to have remarkable compassion and ability to serve wholeheartedly, but are the worst when it comes to needing to be the family, office or neighborhood Town Crier. 

And yet, they would never see themselves as a gossip, because they have a very narrow perception of gossip (the main perception being that it is something only others do!!) 

Their sense of self negates the negative in their own person, while magnifying it in others. 

But you’ll note that their tendency, even if sharing a fact (the details of which they often get wrong) is also to embellish. 

They simply cannot help themselves from stating a “fact” and then adding commentary. 

This opinionating is, in truth, mere speculation, usually motivated by sour grapes, jealousy, anger, resentment, or a sense of personal pride being threatened. 

Insecure people are the most frequent gossips—and remember—gossip includes the sharing of even spot-on facts (if one has permission to share, that is of course different. But the temptation may still exist to opinionate with others after the initial disclosure). 

So, for example, someone purchases a home. In opinionating, the one who was never granted permission to tell this news to others plows ahead with the information anyway, and the wild rumpus of barbs and cutting assumptions behind the home-purchaser’s back begins!:

“They can’t afford it!”

“That house needs soooo much work!!” 

“I don’t know why they would choose to move there!!!” 

And on. And on. And on it goes.

By sharing another’s news, the sharer has now upstaged the other person, and thus, fed their own personal addiction to drama. That, in turn, feeds their unquenchable need to be seen, heard, significant and, most importantly, to be the first and wisest in their fine-sounding opinionating.

But it is gossip, plain and simple. 

And whether it is revealing facts or fictions about people or events, it is not justified, as it so often is, with the obviously and pathetically defensive, “I was just giving my opinion.”

Copyright Barb Harwood

Innocence

Jesus was born, lived, died, rose again and lives, for lost innocence.

For all lost innocence, in all the world.

It is why he sorrowed as he looked out over the people (Matthew 9:36). 

It is why he wept (John 11:35). 

It is why he does not accuse, but responds to all self-righteous accusers that each can begin throwing their opinionated, malevolent stones as soon as they admit they are perfect, and therefore cannot, themselves, be accused of any negative trait or failure (John 8:7). 

It is why he watched, silently, as the New Testament accusers dropped their stones and walked away, their consciences convicted (John 8:9). 

Innocence.

Lost, addressed, overcome in death, and ever available in new life. 

copyright, Barb