The Insidious Creep of Complaint

 

Habitual complaint derives from lack of gratefulness--that deep-seated, top-of-mind appreciation for what we do have materially, in health, and in relationships. 

A state of habitual complaint derives from a perspective or motive of concern, worry, resentment, hurt, anger, disappointment or self-imposed inadequacy, and thrives because it makes our vulnerability less scary.

In complaint, we feel control--but it is a chimera.

And while we strut in the false esteem of criticisms, hoping to be something, we miss the sound foundation and peace of what is genuinely good, joyfully true and miraculously right with our world, and the world at large. All of which, ironically, check vulnerability's fear with a serene confidence and grounded hope. 

copyright Barb Harwood

Take This Day and Do Not Refuse It

Each new day begins a blank, and very clean, slate. 

Do we take it?

Do we stand in the face of morning and decide, desperately or calmly, as circumstances would have it, that within that virgin moment, we will own it and not merely let it slide with the residual momentum of all the days that preceded? 

Will we make today a different beginning, an alternative reality that can actually occur through our simple choosing?

A year from now, when 365 mornings have passed—365 individual moments of decision—will we reflect upon the metamorphosis from existence into a full experience of patient refusal to repeat the unthinkingly habitual?

Will we take that slant of light emanating from the east and declare each day for what we’ve often envisioned and hardly dared to hope for, in spite of everything (attitudinally and physically present in the necessary of the daily and professional but forgoing passive resignation, auto-pilot negativity and absent-minded time-fillers?)

We can take that day.

We can emerge from our sleepy beds, or places of nemesis of sleep, and just take it. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Wolves in Truth's Clothing

 

Henry Kissinger on the Internet's impact on truth:

"...our age is on the verge of a changed conception of the nature of truth. Nearly every website contains some kind of customization function based on Internet tracing codes designed to ascertain a user's background and preferences. These methods are intended to encourage users 'to consume more content' and, in so doing, be exposed to more advertising, which ultimately drives the Internet economy. These subtle directions are in accordance with a broader trend to manage the traditional understanding of human choice. Goods are sorted and prioritized to present those 'which you would like,' and online news is presented as 'news which will best suit you.' Two different people appealing to a search engine with the same question do not necessarily receive the same answers. The concept of truth is being relativized and individualized--losing its universal character. Information is presented as being free. In fact, the recipient pays for it by supplying data to be exploited by persons unknown to him, in ways that further shape the information being offered to him.

Where, in a world of ubiquitous social networks, does the individual find the space to develop the fortitude to make decisions that, by definition, cannot be based on a consensus? The adage that prophets are not recognized in their own time is true in that they operate beyond conventional conception--that is what made them prophets. In our era, the lead time for prophets might have disappeared altogether. The pursuit of transparency and connectivity in all aspects of existence, by destroying privacy, inhibits the development of personalities with the strength to take lonely decisions."

Henry Kissinger, in his book World Order

Wisdom Cannot Be Googled

The following quote from Henry Kissinger looks at the impact of the Internet on humans' sourcing and ultimate use of what they read online.

"In the contemporary world, human consciousness is shaped through an unprecedented filter. Television, computers, and smartphones compose a trifecta offering nearly constant interaction with a screen throughout the day. Human interactions in the physical world are now pushed relentlessly into the virtual world of networked devices. Recent studies suggest that adult Americans spend on average roughly half of their waking hours in front of a screen, and the figure continues to grow.

What is the impact of this cultural upheaval...?

For all the great and indispensable achievements the Internet has brought to our era, its emphasis is on the actual more than the contingent, on the factual rather than the conceptual, on values shaped by consensus rather than by intersection. Knowledge of history and geography is not essential for those who can evoke their data with the touch of a button. The mindset for walking lonely political paths may not be self-evident to those who seek confirmation by hundreds, sometimes thousands of friends on Facebook.

...philosophers and poets have long separated the mind's purview into three components: information, knowledge, and wisdom. The Internet focuses on the realm of information, whose spread it facilitates exponentially. Ever-more-complex functions are devised, particularly capable of responding to questions of fact, which are not themselves altered by the passage of time. Search engines are able to handle increasingly complex questions with increasing speed. Yet a surfeit of information may paradoxically inhibit the acquisition of knowledge and push wisdom even further away than it was before.

The poet T.S. Eliot captured this in his "Choruses from 'The Rock'":

      Where is the Life we have lost in living?

      Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?

      Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

Facts are rarely self-explanatory; their significance, analysis, and interpretation...depend on context and relevance. As ever more issues are treated as if of a factual nature, the premise becomes established that for every question there must be a researchable answer, that problems and solutions are not so much to be thought through as to be 'looked up.' But in the relations between states--and in many other fields--information, to be truly useful, must be placed within a broader context of history and experience to emerge as actual knowledge. And a society is fortunate if its leaders can occasionally rise to the level of wisdom."

Henry Kissinger, in his book, World Order

  

The Community Becomes What it Models

The way to learn how to become what we desire to become is to see others modeling it. 

If, however, all we observe and experience, especially from a young age, is haughtiness, crudeness and defensiveness, how will we ever learn grace?

How will we grow strong if we only surround ourselves with weakness?

If our community, family or social circle sets a tone of victimhood, they leave no room for and are unsupportive of—even hostile to (out of jealousy, mostly)—the already-healed, those desiring to heal and those who are just beginning the process of healing.

When our community strongly implies that “if you’re not sharing something negative, you’re not sharing,” then petty mediocrity closes the road to maturity—and moving forward— for all.

In failing to heartily acknowledge and intellectually appreciate progress and recovery—be it in people and politics, history and health; in denying goodness and being uncomfortable with encouragement; in refusing to stand in ovation at overcoming; in stubbornly turning away from the visible righteousness of God; then we, as a community, are, and will remain, a glass half empty. 

Copyright Barb Harwood

Charles Spurgeon on Gossip

 

"I heartily wish that by any process we could put down gossip, but I suppose that it will never be done so long as the human race continues what it is, for James tells us that 'every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: but the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.' What can't be cured must be endured, and the best way of enduring it is not to listen to it...

The talk of the village (and family, I would add) is never worthy of notice, and you should never take any interest in it except to mourn over the malice and heartlessness of which it is too often the indicator."

Charles Spurgeon

Taking Control of Our Conversations

One way we can honestly "make the world a better place" is to stop constantly finding fault with it in our conversations.

If we really want to, and train ourselves in doing it, we can become naturals at applying the brakes mid-thought in order to catch ourself from spinelessly going along with the complaining tenor of a group conversation.

We can do this by replacing the negative comment we were going to pile on with to a positive statement, or, think better of saying anything at all and remain silent.

The key is the “really wanting to” part, and the noticing of how much of how we talk is mere habit, and bad habit at that.

I’m increasingly finding, as I’ve been sitting back and observing more objectively, that the tendency to join in with, enable, or proffer my own rather dramatic tone on a topic is incredibly easy—if not expected. 

I’ve noticed how negative comments spoken about the world or other people, and the intentional bringing up of dour news (often gleaned from i-Phones held in one’s hand at the social gathering) is more common than the alternative of verbalizing sentiments of gratefulness, respect, appreciation and goodness.

I find that lately, when I am in the company of an Eeyore-infused Holding-of-Court by a group or individual, I increasingly find it awkward and distasteful, and don’t like myself afterward. Especially because I see now how often I have personally perpetrated histrionic perspective and details in past conversations.

So, in the hope of training myself to “not go there,” I’ve taken up the practice of the art of changing the subject—a very delicate art, to be sure, when in the company of vociferous malcontents. 

The way I’ve been able to summon the confidence to do this, though, is through the epiphany that, just because someone brings up politics, or begins griping about a relative or boss, doesn’t mean I have to become complicit, or volunteer similar gripes of my own.

And if my gentle steering into more constructive, “the sky is not actually falling” dialogue is not well-received, or even resented, I’m finally at the place of logically being okay with that: because if their initiating of constant handwringing is okay for them (regardless of what others think), my not going there, and instead countering with a more positive direction, is also okay for me (regardless of what others think).

We can’t control or change other people, but we can control and change ourself. 

Our attitude, approach, and what comes out of our mouth is the only thing we can take charge of one hundred percent. And when we do, we are no longer allowing other people to control us with negative, fault-finding comments that set a tone and perception that is often unnecessary and almost always tainted with sour grapes, boredom or bias. 

We find that the way the world looks to them, doesn’t have to—and oftentimes does not—look that way to us. 

Copyright Barb Harwood