"Ask Marilyn" Sums it Up in a Nutshell

 

In a recent "Ask Marilyn" column, the syndicated writer was asked,

"Do you think politicians should perform based on their own convictions or on the convictions of their constituents?"

Marilyn's reply:

"Personally, I believe we should elect politicians with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions, which are really unalterable opinions that are often applied without regard to the real-life consequences. Candidates should display their respect for humankind, their common sense and their perspicacity while campaigning so that, when elected, their constituents can trust them to behave with insight, knowing their representatives will do the right thing, even if it isn't always obvious to those of us outside their circle."

Great answer, and one, I believe, would apply to all of us in our daily interactions and public comments:

To consider and respond "with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions" (which, as she pointed out, are more often than not opinions which tend to be rather narrow and self-minded more than they are well-investigated and tested convictions).

Also, to "display our respect for humankind" (including, I would add, respect for ourselves, not by putting our perspective out there as "all that," but respecting ourselves enough not to embarrass ourselves and irritate others through sheer entitlement to what we think).

And finally, to "behave with insight" so as to do and say, as much as it is in our power, "the right thing" (or perhaps say nothing at all and just listen). 

And what about "perspicacity"? What a delicious word that took me to dictionary.com:

"keenest of mental perception and understanding; discernment"

What a fabulous idea, that! 

Perception, understanding, discernment--all of which require us to be quiet in thought and word long enough to get there. 

In fact, as I think about it, perhaps if we want leaders to be this, we need to be this first ourselves. 

copyright Barb Harwood

A Critical Spirit and How to Kill It

 

When we make negative comments about people in our inner circle or daily interactions, we imply more about the affirmation we feel we are entitled to from them, and not receiving, than we say about the other person. 

Ditto for the affirmation those other people receive which we feel we alone are entitled to, but due to getting "the short end of the stick" or a "raw deal," never did and never will. 

In addition, public censure of other individuals, be they present or not, will grant us, we hope, the accolades—or at minimum the commiseration—from our listeners which we also covet.

It is the hurt from our belief that other people do not hold or convey a high enough regard for us that makes us criticize them and minimize their positive qualities and experiences. 

We simply cannot be happy for people if they aren’t being as gloatingly attentive to us as we expect them to be. Or if we perceive, in self-pity, that they “got a better deal” of which we were somehow deprived. 

It comes from being unable to see the cup half full in our own lives.

Which is why chronic gossipers and town-crier types (who assume everybody’s news is theirs to announce and repeat) will spare no-one in their fault-finding, jabs and stealing of thunder—because no-one can ever supply the affirmation they crave or assuage deep-seated jealousies.

Only an attitude, perspective and life of objective reflection under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit can kill the incessant, knee-jerk disposition of a critical spirit towards others. 

Only when we see ourselves under the glaring light of God’s truth, which, though jarring is also balanced by his unconditional, upholding love, can we bear to realistically see all things—even the impurity and narcissism of our own heart—and comprehend the motivations behind what we think, conclude, do and say. 

This is freedom, to break free of the mental and emotional cages of dysfunctional nurture and nature. 

These two cages come with a latch we can lift, on a door we can then open and walk through by choice, in humble confidence of God.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Weighing the Cost

 

Today in The Wall Street Journal, Peggy Noonan asks this very cogent question: 

"What does good nature cost you?

We should be able to conduct our lives without a constant air of menace."

For the record, menace is not limited to meaning a threat of some kind, but also, according to Dictionary.com, can connote an "an extremely annoying person." 

And "good nature," in case we've forgotten, is defined by Dictionary.com as 

"pleasant disposition; kindly nature; amiability." 

So to Noonan's question, "What does good nature cost you?," I'd like to add, "What does a demeanor, disposition and temperament of menace cost you?"

copyright Barb Harwood

Malcontentedness

 

Peggy Noonan has a good grip on the modus operandi of how self-righteous, intended-to-be divisive personal attitudes, and the oft-believed-as-truth personal opinions self-satisfyingly verbalized from them, are fed and enabled:

     "Americans have always loved conspiracies, it's in our DNA. When I was a kid it was the CIA killed JFK, Dwight Eisenhower is a communist, fluoride in the water is a plot. In our time this tendency has been magnified and weaponized by the internet, where there's always a portal to provide you proof."

     "Part of it is American orneriness--people enjoy picking a fight, holding a grudge, being the only person who really gets what's going on. Part of it is the sheer cussed fun of being obstinate. Some of it is committed and sincere--an ineradicable belief that established powers like to pull the wool over our eyes, a belief made more stubborn because sometimes they do."

Noonan also adds,

"...mainstream media has changed its nature" and become "openly activist...This too contributed to polarization."

The solution she proposes, when asked what could be done, sounds almost quaint:

"The only thing I could think of to help was keeping lines of communication up and the conversation going."

A tall order when, as she mentioned, people actually seem to enjoy complaining to the level that they tend, as I see it, to perceive their profuse and constant commentary as an art--an art they pride themselves on being quite good at.  

I posit an alternative solution, one I can't help understanding as being necessary for Noonan's "keeping the lines of communication up and the conversation going" in a more constructive manner. 

And that is for attitudes and motivations toward one another to change from a tribalist "us vs. them" to one of respectful civility, surrendering the needy groveling for affirmation through contrariness and "being right."

The solution also must surely entail the end to thinking the worst of people who hold a differing viewpoint, or who simply refuse to join in and agree. 

A rather tall order indeed. 

copyright Barb Harwood

Certain Kinds of Thoughts, Over Time, Can Harden the Heart

 

"To brood on evil makes the heart brazen..."

St. Mark the Ascetic (early fifth century), writing in                   On the Spiritual Law

The Meaninglessness of Life

 

The potential meaninglessness of life is exasperated by, if not entirely founded upon, the inane, shallow and inconsequential thoughts and biases we legitimize through an inordinate devotion of time and energy, and verbally expose in thoughtless arrogance. 

copyright Barb Harwood

To Live in Today

 

What if we reached a tipping point and finally saw, in astonishing conviction, that we must—even better, we can, live in today, meaning this very day, moment by moment until it closes and our eyes find sleep. 

This isn’t a living for today, as if the day were our taskmaster, but living in today, in the wisdom of God our leader and guide.

Every thought, then; every word spoken; every question; thinks, speaks and asks only in the reality and now of today. 

And what if we took memories, and allowed only the good and productive ones to accompany us into this day—not so that we can lament their being past, but instead to treasure as a buoy in our present. 

This buoy is not to tie our boat to, but to take hold of in the day in which we live in sorrow and fear of drowning. Its' beacon of lovely remembrance will save us from the undertow of woeful self-sabotage, and encourage us that this too—whatever “this” is—shall pass.  

And whatever has not been good, lovely, true, wise, kind, honorable, commendable and pure—in our past selves and others, and in past experiences—we leave behind because we have the freedom to. Not only that, but wisdom begs and advises it. 

This is a new and curious sensation, to go forward without the antiquated baggage and negative realities of the past. 

It would be wonderful, wouldn’t it, to see what this could be like? 

So then, let’s give it a try. 

Let’s find out and live only in today.

Copyright Barb Harwood