Silence

The gift of silence: the most wonderful present, and presence, we might possibly give this year, to ourselves and others. 

Doesn’t mean abstinence from speaking, necessarily, although it could. 

(an interesting note: dictionary.com defines abstinence as:

“forbearance from any indulgence of appetite; 

any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance; 

the state of being without a drug…on which one is dependent.

I think talking, at times, can definitely qualify as an indulgence of appetite and a drug upon which one is dependent!!)

Silence, then, can simply mean the cessation of speaking one way—one we’ve become accustomed to and have normalized— in favor of another, better, more gracious way. 

copyright Barb Harwood

Peace

 

Peace is not something to wish, or even to hope for. 

It is not a sentiment to wear on one’s sleeve or to stick in an envelope and mail as a Christmas card. 

It is not a virtue to be signaled. 

Peace is a decision. 

A solitary decision.

Others might favor dissension over a chosen peace.

So be it.

We choose peace anyway, and forgo the "useless wranglings" of people of "corrupt minds" who are "obsessed with disputes and arguments" and have an "unhealthy interest in controversies" (1 Timothy 6:3-5).

Talk such as this, "avoid" (2 Timothy 3:5b); "flee from these things" (1 Timothy 6:11a).

Choose peace; no one is stopping us.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives." John 14:27a 

Copyright Barb Harwood

It Feels Good to Fully Accept Joy

Yesterday I had an authentically joyous day after experiencing a shift in a relationship—a shift that came unexpected and by surprise.

During a telephone conversation, as my initially tense anticipation of what was to transpire gave way to an open-minded realization that “this is going really well,” the exchange continued in a mood of markedly honest and warm camaraderie. I have not experienced this way of being with this person since I was a small child.

And I can only describe my take-away of what took place between us as joy, the kind God talks about steadily and often, and yet has eluded me for years when it came to this individual.

This joy, the sheer objective, non-forced or sentimentalized reality of it, was at first a bit strange to trust, especially when hopes had risen in the past in this relationship, only to expire time and time again.

But yesterday was different. It was the spark of something I once knew with this person, and now, for even just one day, knew again. 

And for it to have occurred at all is enough to keep me going in joy, though the walls may yet cave in once again with this person. I will bear the collapse with the joy of knowing that for one moment anyway, this person and I got to the place of joy once again. 

That is what I will live on and hold close going forward.

And it feels good to fully accept this joy and not push it away in cynicism about the past or doubt about the future. 

To simply accept joy where it is and when it happens, free of vulnerabilities that would limit or minimize. To give it freedom—permission really—to be the impartial and unbiased grounding going forward.

Copyright Barb Harwood

Happy Like That Again

I think the time comes when we move beyond angst and are plain and simply happy again, like a child, like the child we once were, like back then, before we knew the angst that would become us. 

Happy. Like that. Again.

copyright Barb Harwood

I Am Not Everyone and Everyone is Not Me

 

Ever notice how habitual the inward bringing-to-bear of one’s self upon others has become?

Statements, opinions and comments are spoken with a set expectation of response from others (I believe this is more commonly referred to as tunnel vision). 

Plans and approaches to gatherings, meetings, events, and holidays are devised and anticipated with a predetermined assumption of how all participations will join in (and oh boy, they will join in!).

Many of us drive down the road surprised, and thus easily irritated, with other drivers who navigate their trip to the store in a different (usually meaning slower) way.

The manner in which one builds their resume—and life—is thought to surely be the obvious course everyone ought to follow (another score for tunnel vision!).

And the individual voter—under the delusion that their one vote is going to finally change the world (usually meaning the world as it affects them alone)—blames those who voted opposite when that world, indeed, does not morph into the hoped for result. 

If one doubts that this tendency applies to them, and are self-assured that they have a proven track record of diplomatically and unequivocally separating themselves from the prerogatives, liberties and preferences of others, the best way to test this theory is during the upcoming election and holiday season. 

All a person has to do is listen to their own internal dialogue and their public and social words that follow to identify whether or not they are able to calmly and without bias respect where the boundary of them ends and the boundary of another begins.

Copyright Barb Harwood

"Ask Marilyn" Sums it Up in a Nutshell

 

In a recent "Ask Marilyn" column, the syndicated writer was asked,

"Do you think politicians should perform based on their own convictions or on the convictions of their constituents?"

Marilyn's reply:

"Personally, I believe we should elect politicians with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions, which are really unalterable opinions that are often applied without regard to the real-life consequences. Candidates should display their respect for humankind, their common sense and their perspicacity while campaigning so that, when elected, their constituents can trust them to behave with insight, knowing their representatives will do the right thing, even if it isn't always obvious to those of us outside their circle."

Great answer, and one, I believe, would apply to all of us in our daily interactions and public comments:

To consider and respond "with much more wisdom and far fewer convictions" (which, as she pointed out, are more often than not opinions which tend to be rather narrow and self-minded more than they are well-investigated and tested convictions).

Also, to "display our respect for humankind" (including, I would add, respect for ourselves, not by putting our perspective out there as "all that," but respecting ourselves enough not to embarrass ourselves and irritate others through sheer entitlement to what we think).

And finally, to "behave with insight" so as to do and say, as much as it is in our power, "the right thing" (or perhaps say nothing at all and just listen). 

And what about "perspicacity"? What a delicious word that took me to dictionary.com:

"keenest of mental perception and understanding; discernment"

What a fabulous idea, that! 

Perception, understanding, discernment--all of which require us to be quiet in thought and word long enough to get there. 

In fact, as I think about it, perhaps if we want leaders to be this, we need to be this first ourselves. 

copyright Barb Harwood

A Critical Spirit and How to Kill It

 

When we make negative comments about people in our inner circle or daily interactions, we imply more about the affirmation we feel we are entitled to from them, and not receiving, than we say about the other person. 

Ditto for the affirmation those other people receive which we feel we alone are entitled to, but due to getting "the short end of the stick" or a "raw deal," never did and never will. 

In addition, public censure of other individuals, be they present or not, will grant us, we hope, the accolades—or at minimum the commiseration—from our listeners which we also covet.

It is the hurt from our belief that other people do not hold or convey a high enough regard for us that makes us criticize them and minimize their positive qualities and experiences. 

We simply cannot be happy for people if they aren’t being as gloatingly attentive to us as we expect them to be. Or if we perceive, in self-pity, that they “got a better deal” of which we were somehow deprived. 

It comes from being unable to see the cup half full in our own lives.

Which is why chronic gossipers and town-crier types (who assume everybody’s news is theirs to announce and repeat) will spare no-one in their fault-finding, jabs and stealing of thunder—because no-one can ever supply the affirmation they crave or assuage deep-seated jealousies.

Only an attitude, perspective and life of objective reflection under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit can kill the incessant, knee-jerk disposition of a critical spirit towards others. 

Only when we see ourselves under the glaring light of God’s truth, which, though jarring is also balanced by his unconditional, upholding love, can we bear to realistically see all things—even the impurity and narcissism of our own heart—and comprehend the motivations behind what we think, conclude, do and say. 

This is freedom, to break free of the mental and emotional cages of dysfunctional nurture and nature. 

These two cages come with a latch we can lift, on a door we can then open and walk through by choice, in humble confidence of God.

Copyright Barb Harwood