For most folks, the past is like a chewed piece of gum that
we step on on a 90-degree day. That gum oozes between and fills the treads of
our shoe, and the more we attempt to rid ourselves of it with a stick, the more
it spreads, even to our hands and clothes. In short, it becomes a hot mess.
As Christians, one of the ways we allow the past to stick to
the present is when we assume that, since we have forgiven
ourselves for who we once were and things we once said and did, and God has forgiven us, the people from our
past with whom we still interact will too.
And when they don't, up goes the guard rail, blocking us from the reconciliation with others that begins with our accepting them where they currently are.
And where they currently are is this: they don't accept who we are today and, for whatever reason, cannot go to the place of reconciliation with us.
That is what we need to be okay with in order to move on from the past.
That is what we need to be okay with in order to move on from the past.
That’s where I find myself at this stage of the Christian
walk: recognizing that other people may not
see the change in me, or want to see the change, or don’t believe the
change, or hate the change in me. And thus, they have not forgiven me for whatever it is I was to them in the past or they cannot forgive me for who I have become today.
I see now that my response to their reticence has been to
revisit aspects of the past: asking myself what I could have done differently, ruminating on where they
were at fault, and on and on.
In great determination I would conjure up new ways to love them: invites
to coffee, letters and expressions of love and affirmation.
And while those efforts were sincere and good, when the
relationship didn’t improve, I felt that I couldn’t stop picking at old wounds until mutual reconciliation had occurred.
It was
one step forward in loving others, but two steps back when I didn’t receive
love in return. The past would come flooding over me once again.
But now I see that my fleshly insistence on receiving
affirmation only stagnated me in my desire to progress in living out the love
of Christ. I see now that I must
progress, I can progress and move on from
the past once and for all—either with, or without, reciprocity on my
attempts at brokering peace and making amends with others.
I am reconciled with God and thus, with myself.
Reconciliation yet may come with others, but I no longer need or expect it.
As I move forward into each new day, and live more and more
in the humility of Christ’s love for myself and others, I am seeing that
sometimes—often times—for others it is too little too late. And I need to
embrace that, especially for those who don’t understand the giving or receiving of forgiveness
from Christ’s perspective.
We can’t expect others to cope in ways that
we only learned, and were made well by, in Christ. In complete understanding, I
hold them in compassion, not contempt.
And in that, reconciliation to other people on my end has
occurred. Finally, I can let the past, in all its entirety, go.
Lewis Carroll once said,
“It’s no use going
back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
We can’t expect other people to get that, and ought not be disappointed
when they don’t. But we can rejoice and take confidence in
the full assurance that Christ certainly does get it. In fact, He’s the one
who made our being a different person today, possible.
Copyright Barb Harwood
“Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the LORD,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.” Psalm 37:1-6
“Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
‘Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?’” Isaiah 43:18-19a
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the
old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are
from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry
of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to
Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us
the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though
God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be
reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that
we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I
who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I
live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
Galatians 2:20
“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become
perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was
laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid
hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching
forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the
upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect,
have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will
reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to
which we have attained.” Philippians 3:12-16
“If we confess our
sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us
from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
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